​
I am blessed to have freedom from food obsession.  My recovery is such a miracle and I cherish every abstinent day as a true gift.  I work the steps.  I pick up the tools.  I do service.  And I am so grateful that I will never progress beyond being human. 
 
I wanted to write about something that has really been bugging me for over a year for our Board blog today.  If you know me, you know that much of my life outside of recovery is all about dogs!  What I’ve been struggling with is how I can make amends to my beloved dog Harlow that I lost last year.  I know Harlow doesn’t mind that relieved her from the suffering of cancer, but it’s been plaguing me.  It is not well with my soul.  The regret I feel from letting her go sooner, rather than later, is taking up too much space in a not good, unhealthy way in my being.  I need to write a blog for the Board, so why not write about this?  I am certain another member may benefit from my processing this out loud with our fellowship.
 
Harlow was never a healthy dog.  Back in 2010, I was her fifth home in her first seven months of life.  She was a difficult dog to say the least.  It took her a year to trust me fully, no matter how many times I tried to show her and tell her that she had won the lottery when I found her.  Harlow had found her home with me, and she was never going to need to find another.  The year before I had to put her down, she was very sick with a horrible skin infection.  I tried many different treatments, and finally found one that worked, but she was probably sick ten out of the twelve months in 2020. 
 
Nevertheless, even with her history, it was a terrible surprise to come home from a wonderful birthday trip to find her not being able to get up.  She seemed to be in a great deal of pain internally when we tried to assist her.  After many hours we managed to get her in to the veterinarian, many tests were run and then we had to wait for results.  The next day, although wobbly, she was able to get up, and able to walk.  She was on some pretty heavy-duty medications and they seemed to be working.
 
When the test results showed she had cancer, because of this wonderful Fellowship and program, I could handle such devastating news with dignity and grace.  I asked my Higher Power, and all of you, to help me to accept this horrible thing that I could not change.  My husband and I discussed for days at length our options, my concerns, and most importantly, what we felt was best for Harlow.
 
This blog is not about the loss of my beloved pet.  It’s about how our program helps us in life because it’s been my experience, even in recovery, life keeps happening!  And I need help with all of life’s happenings if I am to stay abstinent and in recovery.  I gladly live life differently, on life’s terms, and not on my self will run riot.  Before recovery life’s happenings were unmanageable.  The only coping mechanism I had was to overeat, eat compulsively, bite off people’s heads, and be just a miserable person to be around.  I made the decision to let Harlow go because I could not stand to watch her suffer.  Whatever cancer she had was eating her sustenance as she was wasting away quickly right before our eyes no matter how much food I gave her.  She was ravenous and eating constantly but losing what seemed to be at least a pound a day.  I couldn’t have my sweet girl suffer, and honestly, I was afraid I would be alone, too, the next time she couldn’t get up.
 
When I finally noticed just how much I was very NOT at peace, even a year after she was gone, I could finally hear my Higher Power suggesting that I work this out so that I can be free from the bondage of regret.  It did not matter that every other person who knew Harlow told me I did the right thing by letting her go.  My addict brain keeps telling me that I was a coward.  That I chose the easy way out for me.  I should have taken better care of her and let her stay longer.  My dis-ease is alive and well and wants to hold me hostage in the bondage of regret. 
 
My recovery is strong, my Higher Power is stronger, and I have tools to combat the negative self-talk.  I can share this struggle at meetings.  I can work this out in the steps.  I can discuss this with my sponsor, and my counselor.  I can write a blog about it.  When I use the tools of our program, this lie loses its power, until I can sit in the truth.  The truth is, I loved my girl Harlow.  I am not a coward.  I am brave and I found the courage to do the hard, right thing.  I cry now as I sit here and type this, and I can feel the love, understanding and peace of our program growing in me, one day at a time.
 
Thanks for letting me share. 

Laurie A. - Region One

​COVID, Isolation, and Me -- three words I never dreamed I would hear uttered in the same sentence. 

Then the nurse at my assisted living facility announced, "Jan, my dear, you tested positive for COVID. Regulations require you to be quarantined in your apartment for ten days."

My apartment is, in reality, a studio of seventeen steps long and ten steps wide. I was looking at twenty four hours times ten days with only my beloved kitty for companionship!

Through the course of these days I have maintained great health. I have ZERO symptoms, for which I have been alternately grateful and irritated. "But I don't feel sick" is my oft-repeated refrain.

Is my program strong enough to keep me from self-imploding or exploding?

What is helping me make it through ten days of isolation?

• Zoom meetings. Truly, Zoom is a timely, welcome way to attend meetings.
• My already-established practice of morning prayer, meditation, and OA literature. 
• My sponsor,  who has received even more numerous texts than usual during this time.
• My music playlist, which accompanies me to bed nightly.
• Callie, my aforementioned cat companion.

My isolation is almost over and I have learned on a deeper level what the Big Book says about trudging "the road of happy destiny."  I'm almost there!

Jan E. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blog

I have great abstinence, a wonderful new attitude, so much in my life is so much better--so why should I care about Intergroup or doing service other than sponsoring?
 
Well, let’s think for a minute about how Twelve Step programs first started.  It didn’t start when Bill W. got sober--it started when Bill reached out to Dr. Bob.
 
Our Twelfth Step and several of our Traditions are all about spreading the word of recovery from compulsive eating to other people.  Our intergroups and service bodies are all about us being able to do together what we can’t do alone.  We come together and have meetings because many of us together can spread the message of recovery.  Service bodies (that includes intergroups) come together and together we are able to fund a phone line, host a website, put on recovery events to attract others and strengthen our own recovery.  But we need those willing service workers to do the service which then strengthens their own recovery.  We have a miraculous recovery to share.  To keep that recovery we must give away what we have been given and that means service. 
 
My service doesn’t need to be the same as anyone else’s, and it doesn’t need to be something I dislike--in fact it works even better if it is something I do really like.  But often times it may be something I have never done before that is out of my comfort level.

I have often found that people are really hesitant to do something that they have never done before or something that they need to spend some time learning how to do.  But what a wonderful opportunity!  I once spent several months sitting with a willing person to teach her how to put a newsletter together.  The first month I did most of the work and showed her how to do it; the final month I brought a book and sat with her while she did the whole thing.  She was afraid, but I was sure she could do it. She went on to do the newsletter for several years and it was great.  OA is a great place to learn to do things because OA'ers can be gentle and supportive.  But they can also be critical and unsupportive.  Let’s all try to be gentle with our Trusted Servants and support them whenever we can.
 
I urge you to look around and see what needs to be done for your group, your intergroup, your region, or for World Service.  I am not planning to run again to be Trustee, but you may want to consider putting your name forward as a Trustee Nominee this fall at the Region One Assembly, if you qualify. 

It would be wonderful if your local intergroup and Region One had more than one candidate for each position.  Don’t run against someone else--run with them!   

Margie G. - Region One

​Before I came into OA, I had no hope.  I also had no self-esteem, no self-worth, nor any real purpose or drive.  I had no idea I had a disease or that I was a compulsive eater.  I loved learning why I couldn’t “will” myself to be different.  I have loved learning to develop a power greater than myself that helps me to have freedom from food compulsion.  I rely on this power, who I choose to call my Higher Power, to get me through each day in a way so much different than I could have ever imagined. 
 
I often say at meetings that what keeps me coming back is all these character defects. I am never going to get over them, and I need to use all the tools every day to manage them.  But I’ve learned that’s not entirely true.  I keep coming back because in our fellowship is where I have hope.  Every day, going to meetings, picking up our literature, developing my food plan, doing my nightly inventory--these are the things my hope is derived from.  I know now that if I do today what I did yesterday I will continue to stay abstinent and continue to like myself.  Abstinence is the root of my recovery.  Without it, I am running on self-will run riot.  I am miserable and afraid and hopeless.
 
I keep coming back because I have hope to keep getting better.  I have hope to NOT rely on those nasty character defects to get me through situations, but to rely fully on a power greater than myself to get me through everything.  And if I need an audible connection, I have hope that I’ll make a reach-out call and allow my Higher Power to speak through you, one of my amazing fellows.
 
Hope has inspired me to be of service.  Carrying the message of recovery, working with rescue dogs and their organizations, and volunteering to help protect our public lands and waters is very rewarding, uplifting and energizing.  You could say that being of service has built up my self-esteem.  Being of service, believe it or not, has also taught me self-care.  Or was that my Higher Power...? 😊
 
Being kind and tolerant of those I don’t agree with is a miracle of our program.  I have experience and hope that when I work with my Higher Power, I can accept people, places and things I could never have imagined.  It feels good to be kind in those difficult moments.  I have hope that I will grow in those moments!  All I need to do is to rely on a power greater than myself. 
 
One of my favorite things I've learned recently is that if I stay in the hope, I stay out of the fear.  Much in the same way that if I stay in the gratitude, I stay out of the negative thoughts.  I have hope that I can choose recovery.  And when I am weak, I have you all, always.  You are all just a phone call or text away.  I know you will listen.  I have hope you’ll understand.  I am amazed at the love and peace I can find in our program and in our fellowship.
 
This hope isn’t a flimsy reed.  From the Big Book (page 28) “What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, 'a design for living' that really works.”  

​I am willing to go to any lengths to keep this hope, my abstinence and sanity.  Oh gosh, the sanity, that’s a whole other blog!  My recovery gives me hope and let that be the message I carry today and always.  There is hope for the still suffering compulsive overeater.  It works, if we work it, and we’re worth it!
 
Thanks for reading and allowing me to be of service.  Much love to you.
 
Laurie A. - Region One

​As I sit here pondering what my experience, strength and hope looks like today it occurs to me that my recovery has come in increments. If I look at just today or yesterday it might not seem like much to my mind – a mind that miraculously has so much more room to ponder and to reflect than ever before. Because before I walked into OA I only had time to worry, dread and avoid the past, present and future - by binge eating, watching tv, and making commitments I couldn’t keep. I was stuck in that same cycle day in and day out due the shame and guilt of not being able to show up for life the way I thought I saw other people doing it – with ease and joy. How did they do it?

What I’ve learned is that I am a sugar addict - my drug is sugar. I have a physical allergy and a mental obsession that no amount of willpower can remedy. If I could have, I would have – I’ve heard and said that many times over the years. Oh! But what I would have missed out on….

My experience with God has evolved steadily over the years, but often in fits and starts, bits and pieces, sometimes with great joy and other times half-heartedly – wondering if I’m on the right path. I’ve come to learn I’m a seeker; and with that comes the ups and downs of letting go of old thoughts and ideas and trying on new ones. My concept of God has evolved and continues to evolve from an entity outside of me to that still, small voice I’ve come to know is my intuition. My intuition was always something I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t trust. Hadn’t it always told me food was the answer?

What I’ve learned is that I wasn’t hearing that still, small voice but the part of my brain that only knew how to handle life with sugar and bingeing. It was always so loud! How could hear anything else? I’d never learned how to listen.

When I started working the steps in the Big Book with a sponsor I describe it as learning how to grow up and become an adult – an adult I could rely on. I learned how to show up, tell the truth and not step all over people to get what I needed. I learned how to ask for help and be of service. All I wanted when I showed up was to be thin and have you like me. I had no idea how little I was asking. The gift of growing up has been miraculous.  Little by slowly I’m being guided by God, our steps, traditions and principles and the recovery I see every day in our fellowship.

Recovery has been of the educational variety for me – I consider myself a seeker of spiritual growth. The deeper my connection with my HP – the more easeful and relaxed my recovery becomes every day.  

Erin F. - Region One

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.  It works when other activities fail.” So begins Chapter 7 “Working with Others” in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, p. 89. 

In 2015, I was recuperating at home from major surgery and could not go to the Portland OA meetings I usually attended.  My OA meetings, then, transitioned to phone meetings.  I heard a speaker talk about her recovery through applying the instructions found in the Big Book.   I called the speaker and asked her to guide and sponsor me through the Big Book.   Why not try it?  Nothing else was working for me.  She agreed.  One of the most important principles she continuously impressed upon me was service.

At first, service was just to keep me from compulsive overeating.  In working all of the Steps, my sponsor told me what Dr. Bob wrote on his prescription pad:  "trust God, clean house, help others."  A six-word synopsis of what I needed to do to become happy, joyous and free.

I started reaching out to newcomers I heard share at phone meetings.  I started to sponsor according to the Big Book instructions.  And I offered myself for outreach calls to any member who wanted to chat.

But sometimes there are no new sponsees or outreach calls.  Or if I make a call and ask “how are you?” the other party may be just fine and really doesn’t need any help from me.

So I had to expand my definition of “service.”  It wasn’t just for OA members.  It had to expand to every single person that showed up in my life: sponsees and outreach callers, for sure.  But I added friends, family, strangers, drivers, cashiers, waiters and waitresses---in other words, everyone to whom I could add an instant of joy.   My job was to be of service to absolutely everyone.

Here’s the miracle of that:  while I first started to do service to insure my abstinence, now (six years later), I actually WANT to do service for others. I WANT to make their lives a little cheerier by a kind word or gesture.  I WANT to brighten someone else’s day.  And the by-product of my desire is a fairly easy, smooth, and effective abstinence and food plan, not to mention healed relationships, peace of mind, weight loss, building of self-esteem, etc.

A couple of years ago I added something to serving others.  In 2017, I started leaving small gifts, such as Dollar Tree pencils with a reindeer motif, with tips at restaurants.  I gave them to the cashiers at McDonald’s, gas station attendants, my pharmacist, the receptionist at my dentist’s office.  Anyone doing service for others would get a little treat from me. And I soon added an inexpensive something to every other holiday during the year.  I just wanted to give that other person a smile:  a heart-shaped candy at Valentine’s Day, fun stickers for Independence Day or Thanksgiving.    

You’d think I gave these random people gold nuggets.  They smile, they say “thank you,” some say “you’ve made my day.”  Even the grumpiest lighten up a bit.  But I don’t do any of this to get a “thank you.”   NONE of this simple giving has anything to do with me.  But it sure has everything to do with my abstinence, my self-esteem, and my relationship with my Higher Power.

And that’s the gift I give myself.  It works when other activities fail.

Happy Holidays, my fellows.  And happiness throughout the coming year!

Anonymous
Guest Blogger