I’m Diane, a once-suffering, grateful compulsive overeater who was shown how to recover one day at a time. I have "not been suffering" now for 975 days and with guidance I plan to continue not suffering until HP offers something greater than recovery. I believe the only thing that surpasses life in recovery is embracing death.

So I sat down with my HP and said, "Okay, God, what message would you like me to share?" I wrote this on a piece of paper and put it in my God box. That physical action of putting that little piece of paper into a box dedicated to questions I have no answers for is my way of giving my will back and surrendering to God. It's my way of "not doing it my way." The answer I got was to share "How it Works." So, I’m like God, I don’t mean to insult you big guy, but 'How It Works’ is read at every meeting. And God’s like, no Diane, I want you to share how it works for you.
 

"How It Works" for Diane D. - from me, my Higher Power and the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
 
Rarely have I seen a person relapse who has put into action the Twelve Steps of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I chose not to change, I would not completely give myself to this solution to suffering, because I chose not to be honest with myself. I was  one of the "unfortunates." I was not at fault (until I heard the message of recovery); I seemed to have been taught that way. I was naturally incapable of grasping and accepting a manner of living which demanded that I change. My chances were less than average. I, too, suffered from grave emotional and mental disorders, but couldn’t change until I chose to get honest about myself.
 
My story discloses in a general way what I used to be like, what happened, and what I am like now. If you have decided you want what I have and are willing to change to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these I freaked. I thought I could find an easier, softer way to not have to change me. But in 56 years I could not. With all the earnestness at my command, I urge you to pursue change from the very start. I tried to stop suffering without changing myself but continued to suffer until I stopped blaming others and looked at myself.
 
Remember that we deal with food addiction—not just cunning, baffling, and powerful but a thief who steals lives and brings suffering! Without help it was too much for me. But there is something out there that does have power—and that something is my understanding of a HP. May you find Him now! Being just a little bit willing to change got me nowhere. I stood at the turning point. I asked for the willingness to change myself completely.
 
Here are the steps I took, which helped me to stop suffering and are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. I admitted I was powerless over food—and that my life was unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than me could help me stop suffering.
3. Made a choice to turn my will over to the care of God as I understand Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
5. Admitted to God, to myself, and to another person the exact nature of my wrongs.
6. Became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove my defects that keep me suffering.
8. Made a list of all persons I hurt, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or someone else, not me.
10. Continued to look at myself daily and, where I was wrong, I promptly admitted it.
11. Asked God daily through prayer and meditation to show me what to do and how to do it.
12. Having changed spiritually as a result of working these steps, I tried to share with others how I managed to change and to keep working these steps in all areas of life.

 
Initially I thought, “This sounds a lot like work, how am I going to do it?” 

Do not be discouraged. My understanding is that there is no way to work these steps perfectly. I am not perfect. The point is that I am willing to grow and change emotionally, physically and spiritually. The principles of these steps are guides to changing yourself and to stop suffering. We claim to get better spiritually rather than to get perfect spiritually.
 
The description of a compulsive overeater, the chapter to the agnostic and other’s personal stories made clear three things that helped me to change:

1. That I am a compulsive overeater and I cannot manage my own life.
2. That there is no single person, including myself, that could have helped me stop eating compulsively.
3. But that a God that I understood and trusted could and would if I asked him.

 
The message my Higher Power seems to want me to pass on here is a message of suffering and change. Any time I see the word recover it means "to change" and trust me, I didn’t come into the rooms because I wanted to change for the worse. I may be wrong, but I believe we all come into these rooms wanting to change something. I certainly did. I wanted to change those things that were causing me to suffer. When I came in the biggest thing causing me to suffer was other people. Or that’s the lie that I told myself. I was God-smacked when I realized that to recover or to change meant that I had to change myself. Yes I know that 99.99% of the human race has to change in order for the world to be restored to sanity but that’s not my job. If you are in the business of changing others, these particular steps will not work for you. And to change some people, I don’t think only twelve steps is enough.  I have tried all my life to change the past, to change others and even to change the future. And all I managed to do was go financially, spiritually, and physically bankrupt (400 pounds, homeless and suicidal).
 
So let me break down How It Works according to Diane by looking at the first paragraph (Big Book, page 58):

Yes, this program is most certainly a simple program. If you can color within the lines then you can work this program.

Now to "cannot or will not." Cannot for me means that someone or something is stopping me from changing and will not means I am making a choice not to change. For me, the word "cannot" should be removed from this book, because the only thing in this world that could stop me from changing myself is myself. When I chose not to change it was not because I couldn’t, it was because I wouldn’t.
 
What does this mean to get honest with yourself? Well I came here lying to myself: "I can’t help it...it’s my genetics...I don’t know how...it’s my spouse's fault because they cook it...my parents' fault because that’s how they taught me to eat...or because my childhood was a mess." And those were the softer lies. Yes, things occurred in my life that might have stopped me from changing, but the bare bones honesty of it all is that I used those things as an excuse for 56 years. I blamed a bunch of spiritually sick, abusive and addictive persons for all of my choices in life.

The truth hit me one day:  I WAS THE PERSON MAKING THESE CHOICES. And I am going to hit you with something now that may shock some, and may bother others, but so are you. We are making the choices that are keeping us suffering. A fellow of mine told me once that she fell again and I explained to her that to fall is an accident that can’t be helped, but to fall into the food is a choice and choices are not usually accidents.
 
As soon as we realize we can make our own choices, we no longer have to suffer. We can stop blaming our choices on others or on circumstances. I grew up in a severely addictive, abusive environment and, as a product of that environment, making choices was not my strong suit (I chose to steal, lie, do drugs, and eat compulsively). Not my fault, right? Wrong! The day I became a person with rights and the day I walked away from any enabling environments, I had choices, and it was no longer a matter of "cannot" but a matter of "will not." I made my own choices. I chose to be a drug addict (self-seeking), I chose to lie and steal (dishonest) I chose to hide behind 398 pounds of fat (fear), I chose whatever I wanted (self-centered). I made my own choices. I may not have chosen to begin suffering but it’s me who chooses to continue suffering. I have not suffered one hour of my 975 days in recovery. Ok, I did have a callous on my foot that caused immense suffering but I had it removed. But just to show you how our own choices cause our own suffering, I had that callous five years before I chose to see a doctor. No different than making a choice to overeat.
 
I was one of those people who developed grave emotional and mental disorders. I drifted in and out of jails and psych hospitals. In 2009 I collapsed mentally and emotionally. What happened to me mentally was equivalent to suffering a severe stroke. I had a great career as a systems analyst, a big house in the ravine, a spouse and a couple kids; I was living the Canadian dream. Then I crashed and landed in a psych hospital for six years. I revolved from the psych ward to a group home for mentally-ill outpatients — three months in the hospital, two months out, four months in three months out, for six or seven years. I didn’t know who I was, where I was or why. My family came to see me and I sent them away because I didn’t know them. I was given four years of electric shock therapy, when the suggested maximum was one year. They couldn’t get me to respond. They could not bring me back to a "normal way of living." And in the fall of my fifth year of being institutionalized, the doctors applied for a court order to certify me as mentally incapable of ever taking care of myself.
 
And now I’m going to tell you why I don’t just believe in a Higher Power—I know there is a Higher Power at work in my life today and that there has been every day I have been alive. Right before the court date, I woke up one morning after shock treatment hooked up to breathing thingy and they said I had stopped breathing during the treatment. I don’t know why, and I probably will never know why, but it was like I woke up from a six year coma. I removed the breathing thing and demanded a discharge. Apparently I convinced them I was not mentally incompetent, and I told the doctor who discharged me that I would not be back. That was eight years ago, and I have never been back. That outcome was not by my power but by a greater power.  
 
That was what it used to be like; now I will tell you what happened and what it’s like now. What happened was sometime in February of 2020, I reached 400 pounds. I couldn’t walk up the stairs without help, I fell daily because I couldn’t balance my own weight, I had sores all over my body because my fat pockets kept rubbing against each other and getting infected, I couldn’t fit in my car and didn’t drive for two years, I became isolated and couldn’t even clean myself properly because I couldn’t lift my own weight and because after a while I got used to the urine smell. On February 11th, I fell one last time, in the bathtub. Because I couldn’t lift my weight, I endured the most embarrassing but humbling experience when the firemen and police had to wrench-pull me out of the tub and drag me across the floor on a tarp so I could pull myself up onto the couch to reclaim my dignity. That was the day I made a choice to change, which was a choice to recover! It took me a few days to de-junk the cupboards and fridge and on February 14, 2020 (Valentine's Day — the universal day of love) I started loving myself again and came back to Overeaters Anonymous.
 
And what did I change? I changed every single choice I was making that was keeping me suffering. I’ll tell you of a few ways that I suffered, maybe you can relate:
 
I suffered every time I fell because I weighed 400 pounds, so I made a choice to drop some of those pounds to stop falling and suffering. I chose to do this by abstaining from anything and everything that contained flour and sugar (including artificial sweeteners because they remind me that I love sugar). I had never made these choices before, so yes I was willing to change. I have not fallen since. And if you’re here and you only weigh 200 pounds and thinking this doesn’t apply to you...remember I was 200 pounds once.
 
I suffered in my relationships because I chose to lie or control or blame or say hurtful things or...I could go on and on. So I made a choice to get honest, not just about today’s choices but also about choices I had made in the past. If I knew I had made a choice to hurt someone then I chose to deliver honesty as an amends.
 
I also suffered because I lived in fear of the "what if." What if people are talking about me or what if this or what if that. I lived in my head, and the hardest road we travel in life is the one in our head. 
 
How did I change? I chose to work the twelve suggested steps from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which are transferrable for my drug of choice, which was food at that time, usually in the form of flour and sugar.  
 
So...what are these steps and how did they help me change?
 
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, adapted for my addiction to food, and how they helped me change myself and stop suffering:

Step 1.  I admitted I was powerless over food — and that my life was unmanageable.

Food addiction had power over me and my choices caused me to suffer.  I ate, I cried, I hated, I fell, I suffered, and my life was unmanageable I binged, I stole, I used other drugs of choice (gambling), I couldn’t sleep, I lied and I lived in misery. That night after the fall in the tub I surrendered. I admitted and accepted that I was powerless. Powerless means that we are without choice.
 
Example: Stopped for a train and already late for work…I am powerless, I am without any choice but to accept that I am powerless over that train. But who made the choice to leave late for work? I did. So I must accept that my choices are the cause of my suffering. But my disease says I had no control over that train. No, but I had control over the choices I made leading up to that train. Normally I wouldn't have cared when the train came, but I left late and my choice created my suffering. No different than the foods I choose to eat. My choice to binge on food created my suffering.

Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than me could help me stop suffering.

If I am powerless and without choice, then who or what does have power (power means I have a choice)? Well that part is up to me. Since I have accepted that I am without power over that train, then I also accept the outcome and I also accept that something bigger than me will move that train in time — not my time. Now who hasn't been in the train situation and found themselves asking "Higher Power, if you move that train now, I promise I will never leave late again." If this is you, then you already believe in something greater, so give it a name. As to “help me to stop suffering,” the only way anyone or anything can help me stop suffering is if I do what it says. How the heck do I know when my Higher Power tells me what to do? Well...I listen.
 
Another example: Here’s a surprise…we always get a cue or an answer from anyone or anything when we listen for it. Again, not in our time. So every time I eat pizza, I suffer (I get acid reflux, I gain weight, I fall). But every time I eat pizza I hear two voices in my head. One says if you eat that you'll get sick (HIGHER POWER). The other voice says if I eat this I won’t be sick for long (DISEASE). So now HIGHER POWER has given me guidance and my disease has given me guidance. I can choose to suffer and eat the pizza (take my will back) or eat healthy and do what HIGHER POWER suggested (trust my HIGHER POWER).

There’s that choice. Did I choose to eat the pizza (my own will) or did I choose to give up that will over to the power I am choosing to trust. Listen to the voices — one is your disease and one is a power greater than you.

Step 3. Made a choice to turn my will over to the care of HIGHER POWER as I understand Him.

The Third Step comes with a prayer, as well, and that prayer helps you complete step three.  You will need to say this prayer every time you are faced with the choice to eat the pizza or not. Trust me, you will see many different forms of "pizza" challenging you throughout a day.
 
"HIGHER POWER, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt (HIGHER POWER I am choosing to do your will so that I won’t suffer). Relieve me of the bondage of self (Help me get outta my own head), that I may better do Thy will (so that I do what you suggest and not what I want). Take away my difficulties (help me stop suffering), that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy love and Thy way of life (so that others can see that there is a power greater than them)."

Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.

Step 5. Admitted to God, to myself, and to another person the exact nature of my wrongs.
​
Step 6. Became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Steps 4, 5 and 6 consist of three things I had to do to stop suffering:

1. Inventory - a moral inventory for me was asking…am I the best possible version of myself? If not, why? The "why" is the list of character defects I have participated in (judging, self-pity, blaming others, looking down on others, lying, stealing).
2. Confession - we are only as sick as our secrets, so we must reveal those secrets to God and someone else (sponsor?) if we are to stop suffering (lying awake at night worrying and guilting and fretting).
3. Readiness - You are ready to choose to change (recover from suffering). I became willing (to change)

 
Step 7. Humbly asked Him to remove the defects that keep me suffering.

This step is about humility. We are not, and have never been, able to remove our shortcomings by ourself, no matter how high our willpower or determination. We need our Higher Power to do this for us. In that case we have to be humble and know that these are our own flaws. I use the 7th Step prayer to appeal to my Higher Power for help with removing character defects.
 
“I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad (I will live my life how you want and I will let go of my past). I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows (remove all my defects — liar, cheater, thief — that is not me anymore). Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.  Amen. (Help me do your will.)"

Step 8. Made a list of all persons I hurt, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or someone else, not me.

Next I made a list of everyone I hurt (people I judged, lied to, looked down on, etc.) and I planned how to make an amends to each of them (written? telephone? make restitution?).

For step 9 I actually made those amends. I didn’t just share with my sponsor; I approached everyone I hurt and made an amends. This may have been the most challenging, but most rewarding, step for me. I was scared of what would happen — would I lose them, would they hurt me, would they forgive me? Don’t let fear keep you from completing this step, because it can and it will.

Step 10. Continued to look at myself daily and, where I was wrong, I promptly admitted it.

Step 10 is my daily routine (sometimes hourly depending on how many times I was an ass) of combining step 8 and step 9. Detail how you hurt someone and make an amends right away if needed. The purpose of step 10 is to keep cleaning up after yourself. If you make a mess you clean it up. If you don’t do it right away, it will pile up until you sweep it under the rug (relapse) or put it in the garbage bin for good (step 10).

Step 11. Asked God daily through prayer and meditation to show me what to do and how to do it.

Step 11 was more simple. I had to ask my Higher Power for help to keep doing his/her will and to stop practicing my own will. To do this I asked for help and then listened for the answer. We do this by first asking for what we want help with (praying) and then listening for your HIGHER POWER'S answer (meditating). To do this I need a routine, so out comes the God box. If I have a question I pray, write it on a slip of paper, put it in the box and meditate (listen) for the answer, which for me always comes when I look for it.

Step 12. Having changed emotionally, physically (180 pound loss) and spiritually as a result of working these steps, I tried to share with others how I managed to change and to keep working these steps in all areas of life.

For me the spiritual change happened somewhere in between steps 8 and 9. No, I didn’t get hit by lightning, but I felt free and no longer suffered. The promises on page 83 of the Big Book began to come true for me. I started waking up serene and just plain happy with life. The last step is for me to tell anyone who suffers from this addiction the solution the Big Book offers and how that solution helped me change.
 
Sound like a lot of work? It is! But as a recovering compulsive overeater (I say recovering, not recovered, because I believe I have a lot of changing to do on a daily basis so I chose to continue to recover), I promise if you work these steps your suffering will end. Just because we are in these rooms carrying the message doesn’t mean we are not suffering. Some of us haven’t made the choice to change who we are or to end our suffering.

With that I wish you all another 24 hours.

Diane D. - Region One

​
I am blessed to have freedom from food obsession.  My recovery is such a miracle and I cherish every abstinent day as a true gift.  I work the steps.  I pick up the tools.  I do service.  And I am so grateful that I will never progress beyond being human. 
 
I wanted to write about something that has really been bugging me for over a year for our Board blog today.  If you know me, you know that much of my life outside of recovery is all about dogs!  What I’ve been struggling with is how I can make amends to my beloved dog Harlow that I lost last year.  I know Harlow doesn’t mind that relieved her from the suffering of cancer, but it’s been plaguing me.  It is not well with my soul.  The regret I feel from letting her go sooner, rather than later, is taking up too much space in a not good, unhealthy way in my being.  I need to write a blog for the Board, so why not write about this?  I am certain another member may benefit from my processing this out loud with our fellowship.
 
Harlow was never a healthy dog.  Back in 2010, I was her fifth home in her first seven months of life.  She was a difficult dog to say the least.  It took her a year to trust me fully, no matter how many times I tried to show her and tell her that she had won the lottery when I found her.  Harlow had found her home with me, and she was never going to need to find another.  The year before I had to put her down, she was very sick with a horrible skin infection.  I tried many different treatments, and finally found one that worked, but she was probably sick ten out of the twelve months in 2020. 
 
Nevertheless, even with her history, it was a terrible surprise to come home from a wonderful birthday trip to find her not being able to get up.  She seemed to be in a great deal of pain internally when we tried to assist her.  After many hours we managed to get her in to the veterinarian, many tests were run and then we had to wait for results.  The next day, although wobbly, she was able to get up, and able to walk.  She was on some pretty heavy-duty medications and they seemed to be working.
 
When the test results showed she had cancer, because of this wonderful Fellowship and program, I could handle such devastating news with dignity and grace.  I asked my Higher Power, and all of you, to help me to accept this horrible thing that I could not change.  My husband and I discussed for days at length our options, my concerns, and most importantly, what we felt was best for Harlow.
 
This blog is not about the loss of my beloved pet.  It’s about how our program helps us in life because it’s been my experience, even in recovery, life keeps happening!  And I need help with all of life’s happenings if I am to stay abstinent and in recovery.  I gladly live life differently, on life’s terms, and not on my self will run riot.  Before recovery life’s happenings were unmanageable.  The only coping mechanism I had was to overeat, eat compulsively, bite off people’s heads, and be just a miserable person to be around.  I made the decision to let Harlow go because I could not stand to watch her suffer.  Whatever cancer she had was eating her sustenance as she was wasting away quickly right before our eyes no matter how much food I gave her.  She was ravenous and eating constantly but losing what seemed to be at least a pound a day.  I couldn’t have my sweet girl suffer, and honestly, I was afraid I would be alone, too, the next time she couldn’t get up.
 
When I finally noticed just how much I was very NOT at peace, even a year after she was gone, I could finally hear my Higher Power suggesting that I work this out so that I can be free from the bondage of regret.  It did not matter that every other person who knew Harlow told me I did the right thing by letting her go.  My addict brain keeps telling me that I was a coward.  That I chose the easy way out for me.  I should have taken better care of her and let her stay longer.  My dis-ease is alive and well and wants to hold me hostage in the bondage of regret. 
 
My recovery is strong, my Higher Power is stronger, and I have tools to combat the negative self-talk.  I can share this struggle at meetings.  I can work this out in the steps.  I can discuss this with my sponsor, and my counselor.  I can write a blog about it.  When I use the tools of our program, this lie loses its power, until I can sit in the truth.  The truth is, I loved my girl Harlow.  I am not a coward.  I am brave and I found the courage to do the hard, right thing.  I cry now as I sit here and type this, and I can feel the love, understanding and peace of our program growing in me, one day at a time.
 
Thanks for letting me share. 

Laurie A. - Region One

I have great abstinence, a wonderful new attitude, so much in my life is so much better--so why should I care about Intergroup or doing service other than sponsoring?
 
Well, let’s think for a minute about how Twelve Step programs first started.  It didn’t start when Bill W. got sober--it started when Bill reached out to Dr. Bob.
 
Our Twelfth Step and several of our Traditions are all about spreading the word of recovery from compulsive eating to other people.  Our intergroups and service bodies are all about us being able to do together what we can’t do alone.  We come together and have meetings because many of us together can spread the message of recovery.  Service bodies (that includes intergroups) come together and together we are able to fund a phone line, host a website, put on recovery events to attract others and strengthen our own recovery.  But we need those willing service workers to do the service which then strengthens their own recovery.  We have a miraculous recovery to share.  To keep that recovery we must give away what we have been given and that means service. 
 
My service doesn’t need to be the same as anyone else’s, and it doesn’t need to be something I dislike--in fact it works even better if it is something I do really like.  But often times it may be something I have never done before that is out of my comfort level.

I have often found that people are really hesitant to do something that they have never done before or something that they need to spend some time learning how to do.  But what a wonderful opportunity!  I once spent several months sitting with a willing person to teach her how to put a newsletter together.  The first month I did most of the work and showed her how to do it; the final month I brought a book and sat with her while she did the whole thing.  She was afraid, but I was sure she could do it. She went on to do the newsletter for several years and it was great.  OA is a great place to learn to do things because OA'ers can be gentle and supportive.  But they can also be critical and unsupportive.  Let’s all try to be gentle with our Trusted Servants and support them whenever we can.
 
I urge you to look around and see what needs to be done for your group, your intergroup, your region, or for World Service.  I am not planning to run again to be Trustee, but you may want to consider putting your name forward as a Trustee Nominee this fall at the Region One Assembly, if you qualify. 

It would be wonderful if your local intergroup and Region One had more than one candidate for each position.  Don’t run against someone else--run with them!   

Margie G. - Region One

​Before I came into OA, I had no hope.  I also had no self-esteem, no self-worth, nor any real purpose or drive.  I had no idea I had a disease or that I was a compulsive eater.  I loved learning why I couldn’t “will” myself to be different.  I have loved learning to develop a power greater than myself that helps me to have freedom from food compulsion.  I rely on this power, who I choose to call my Higher Power, to get me through each day in a way so much different than I could have ever imagined. 
 
I often say at meetings that what keeps me coming back is all these character defects. I am never going to get over them, and I need to use all the tools every day to manage them.  But I’ve learned that’s not entirely true.  I keep coming back because in our fellowship is where I have hope.  Every day, going to meetings, picking up our literature, developing my food plan, doing my nightly inventory--these are the things my hope is derived from.  I know now that if I do today what I did yesterday I will continue to stay abstinent and continue to like myself.  Abstinence is the root of my recovery.  Without it, I am running on self-will run riot.  I am miserable and afraid and hopeless.
 
I keep coming back because I have hope to keep getting better.  I have hope to NOT rely on those nasty character defects to get me through situations, but to rely fully on a power greater than myself to get me through everything.  And if I need an audible connection, I have hope that I’ll make a reach-out call and allow my Higher Power to speak through you, one of my amazing fellows.
 
Hope has inspired me to be of service.  Carrying the message of recovery, working with rescue dogs and their organizations, and volunteering to help protect our public lands and waters is very rewarding, uplifting and energizing.  You could say that being of service has built up my self-esteem.  Being of service, believe it or not, has also taught me self-care.  Or was that my Higher Power...? 😊
 
Being kind and tolerant of those I don’t agree with is a miracle of our program.  I have experience and hope that when I work with my Higher Power, I can accept people, places and things I could never have imagined.  It feels good to be kind in those difficult moments.  I have hope that I will grow in those moments!  All I need to do is to rely on a power greater than myself. 
 
One of my favorite things I've learned recently is that if I stay in the hope, I stay out of the fear.  Much in the same way that if I stay in the gratitude, I stay out of the negative thoughts.  I have hope that I can choose recovery.  And when I am weak, I have you all, always.  You are all just a phone call or text away.  I know you will listen.  I have hope you’ll understand.  I am amazed at the love and peace I can find in our program and in our fellowship.
 
This hope isn’t a flimsy reed.  From the Big Book (page 28) “What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, 'a design for living' that really works.”  

​I am willing to go to any lengths to keep this hope, my abstinence and sanity.  Oh gosh, the sanity, that’s a whole other blog!  My recovery gives me hope and let that be the message I carry today and always.  There is hope for the still suffering compulsive overeater.  It works, if we work it, and we’re worth it!
 
Thanks for reading and allowing me to be of service.  Much love to you.
 
Laurie A. - Region One

​My journey to a lasting abstinence was a long one. At times it felt desperate and fleeting. Yet I perservered. With the help of a Step Sponsor, a power greater than myself, and the Fellowship, last month I celebrated 27 years of abstinence from bulimia, a disease that to this day wants to destroy me. 

I spent 19 1/2 years of my life actively participating in my disease. Bingeing, purging, starving, over exercising, pills, laxatives, powders, eating only one food, and so many other compulsive behaviors were all part of the insanity of my disease--a disease which had me convinced that the ONLY way to keep the demons away and stay in control was to listen to it. There was no room for anything else or anyone else. 

When I first attended meetings regularly, I was desperate to stop. And on the days I attended a meeting I did stop. The hope and welcome I felt in the rooms kept me going for 24 hours. On the days I missed a meeting, the bulimia was back with a vengeance. Where had been my resolve? I worked up to six meetings a week. And still--no meeting, no lasting abstinence. I was not free. 

Then I finally hit the bottom I needed to work the Steps. After TWO years of attending meetings and white-knuckling it from one meeting to the next, I got a sponsor and started working the program, the 12 Steps. I wanted what she had and was willing to go to any lengths to recover. I followed directions and did the work. Some of it was heartbreaking, some of it was eye-opening, and some of it was pure joy. Most of all, it was life saving, life affirming and a reason to rejoice, for I had truly found a new way of living and a life I had never dared to imagine for myself. A life free from the grips of a disease that continues to try to regain control and one that I have no doubt will destroy me if I do not work my program on a daily basis. 

Program has taught me that I am not cured. What I have is a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition. This spiritually fit condition did not come easily to me. I struggled with putting trust in my Higher Power. The six months prior to finding lasting abstinence were in program while I was working the steps. As I worked through them the first time and continued steps 1-3 and 10-12 on a daily basis, my trust in HP grew until I was finally able to turn to HP instead of the bulimia for direction in every single aspect of my life. I didn't force it or make a vow. I took the next inspired action, turned to HP in moments of panic or indecision, one day at a time. Truthfully, at times it was one moment at a time. 

Life has not been all sunshine and roses. And that is okay because the worst day in recovery is glorious compared to my best day when my disease ruled my life. 

Now, almost thirty years later, I put one foot in front of the other, trusting God, cleaning house, and serving others. And I find myself truly free. 

Alice W.
​Region One

The holidays can be troublesome for me, not because of the sweets and tempting goodies--those I know to stay away from!  For me the challenge is the parade of food that gets displayed intermittently, especially at a pot luck or buffet.

Serve me food on a plate and I know what to eat, but serve it to me piecemeal and my brain starts to chatter. My disease rears it ugly head and starts calculating what I've eaten, what I can still eat,  how many calories I ate before this was served, and is that on my food plan, is that part of my meal...?

Although I  survive, it's not without a great deal of discomfort and "dodging bullets." That is not serenity. I like to eat so I hear god, not so I hear my brain chatter.  

For me, a "Done" Buddy helps. When I have eaten my meal (protein, veggies, fruit, and sometimes a starch), having someone in program to call or text to tell them I am "done" is a life saver. Sometimes getting a "done" text from them can even help me when I might be in negotiation with myself. "The thought crossed my mind..." Being a "Done" buddy helps us both. 

I used to have a "Done" Buddy every night so that when dinner was over and I had my fruit, I would text "done." End of story. Nothing more passes these lips, except a good night kiss from my husband.  They would in turn text me "done" and we knew that there was someone else out there calling the meal "done."

This kind of support is what fellowship is all about.  I highly recommend whether you are a newcomer or an old-timer, finding a holiday "done" buddy is an easy and wonderful way to do service. And of course, when all else fails, pray!

Jacquie E. - Central Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger