​
I am blessed to have freedom from food obsession.  My recovery is such a miracle and I cherish every abstinent day as a true gift.  I work the steps.  I pick up the tools.  I do service.  And I am so grateful that I will never progress beyond being human. 
 
I wanted to write about something that has really been bugging me for over a year for our Board blog today.  If you know me, you know that much of my life outside of recovery is all about dogs!  What I’ve been struggling with is how I can make amends to my beloved dog Harlow that I lost last year.  I know Harlow doesn’t mind that relieved her from the suffering of cancer, but it’s been plaguing me.  It is not well with my soul.  The regret I feel from letting her go sooner, rather than later, is taking up too much space in a not good, unhealthy way in my being.  I need to write a blog for the Board, so why not write about this?  I am certain another member may benefit from my processing this out loud with our fellowship.
 
Harlow was never a healthy dog.  Back in 2010, I was her fifth home in her first seven months of life.  She was a difficult dog to say the least.  It took her a year to trust me fully, no matter how many times I tried to show her and tell her that she had won the lottery when I found her.  Harlow had found her home with me, and she was never going to need to find another.  The year before I had to put her down, she was very sick with a horrible skin infection.  I tried many different treatments, and finally found one that worked, but she was probably sick ten out of the twelve months in 2020. 
 
Nevertheless, even with her history, it was a terrible surprise to come home from a wonderful birthday trip to find her not being able to get up.  She seemed to be in a great deal of pain internally when we tried to assist her.  After many hours we managed to get her in to the veterinarian, many tests were run and then we had to wait for results.  The next day, although wobbly, she was able to get up, and able to walk.  She was on some pretty heavy-duty medications and they seemed to be working.
 
When the test results showed she had cancer, because of this wonderful Fellowship and program, I could handle such devastating news with dignity and grace.  I asked my Higher Power, and all of you, to help me to accept this horrible thing that I could not change.  My husband and I discussed for days at length our options, my concerns, and most importantly, what we felt was best for Harlow.
 
This blog is not about the loss of my beloved pet.  It’s about how our program helps us in life because it’s been my experience, even in recovery, life keeps happening!  And I need help with all of life’s happenings if I am to stay abstinent and in recovery.  I gladly live life differently, on life’s terms, and not on my self will run riot.  Before recovery life’s happenings were unmanageable.  The only coping mechanism I had was to overeat, eat compulsively, bite off people’s heads, and be just a miserable person to be around.  I made the decision to let Harlow go because I could not stand to watch her suffer.  Whatever cancer she had was eating her sustenance as she was wasting away quickly right before our eyes no matter how much food I gave her.  She was ravenous and eating constantly but losing what seemed to be at least a pound a day.  I couldn’t have my sweet girl suffer, and honestly, I was afraid I would be alone, too, the next time she couldn’t get up.
 
When I finally noticed just how much I was very NOT at peace, even a year after she was gone, I could finally hear my Higher Power suggesting that I work this out so that I can be free from the bondage of regret.  It did not matter that every other person who knew Harlow told me I did the right thing by letting her go.  My addict brain keeps telling me that I was a coward.  That I chose the easy way out for me.  I should have taken better care of her and let her stay longer.  My dis-ease is alive and well and wants to hold me hostage in the bondage of regret. 
 
My recovery is strong, my Higher Power is stronger, and I have tools to combat the negative self-talk.  I can share this struggle at meetings.  I can work this out in the steps.  I can discuss this with my sponsor, and my counselor.  I can write a blog about it.  When I use the tools of our program, this lie loses its power, until I can sit in the truth.  The truth is, I loved my girl Harlow.  I am not a coward.  I am brave and I found the courage to do the hard, right thing.  I cry now as I sit here and type this, and I can feel the love, understanding and peace of our program growing in me, one day at a time.
 
Thanks for letting me share. 

Laurie A. - Region One

​COVID, Isolation, and Me -- three words I never dreamed I would hear uttered in the same sentence. 

Then the nurse at my assisted living facility announced, "Jan, my dear, you tested positive for COVID. Regulations require you to be quarantined in your apartment for ten days."

My apartment is, in reality, a studio of seventeen steps long and ten steps wide. I was looking at twenty four hours times ten days with only my beloved kitty for companionship!

Through the course of these days I have maintained great health. I have ZERO symptoms, for which I have been alternately grateful and irritated. "But I don't feel sick" is my oft-repeated refrain.

Is my program strong enough to keep me from self-imploding or exploding?

What is helping me make it through ten days of isolation?

• Zoom meetings. Truly, Zoom is a timely, welcome way to attend meetings.
• My already-established practice of morning prayer, meditation, and OA literature. 
• My sponsor,  who has received even more numerous texts than usual during this time.
• My music playlist, which accompanies me to bed nightly.
• Callie, my aforementioned cat companion.

My isolation is almost over and I have learned on a deeper level what the Big Book says about trudging "the road of happy destiny."  I'm almost there!

Jan E. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blog

​Before I came into OA, I had no hope.  I also had no self-esteem, no self-worth, nor any real purpose or drive.  I had no idea I had a disease or that I was a compulsive eater.  I loved learning why I couldn’t “will” myself to be different.  I have loved learning to develop a power greater than myself that helps me to have freedom from food compulsion.  I rely on this power, who I choose to call my Higher Power, to get me through each day in a way so much different than I could have ever imagined. 
 
I often say at meetings that what keeps me coming back is all these character defects. I am never going to get over them, and I need to use all the tools every day to manage them.  But I’ve learned that’s not entirely true.  I keep coming back because in our fellowship is where I have hope.  Every day, going to meetings, picking up our literature, developing my food plan, doing my nightly inventory--these are the things my hope is derived from.  I know now that if I do today what I did yesterday I will continue to stay abstinent and continue to like myself.  Abstinence is the root of my recovery.  Without it, I am running on self-will run riot.  I am miserable and afraid and hopeless.
 
I keep coming back because I have hope to keep getting better.  I have hope to NOT rely on those nasty character defects to get me through situations, but to rely fully on a power greater than myself to get me through everything.  And if I need an audible connection, I have hope that I’ll make a reach-out call and allow my Higher Power to speak through you, one of my amazing fellows.
 
Hope has inspired me to be of service.  Carrying the message of recovery, working with rescue dogs and their organizations, and volunteering to help protect our public lands and waters is very rewarding, uplifting and energizing.  You could say that being of service has built up my self-esteem.  Being of service, believe it or not, has also taught me self-care.  Or was that my Higher Power...? 😊
 
Being kind and tolerant of those I don’t agree with is a miracle of our program.  I have experience and hope that when I work with my Higher Power, I can accept people, places and things I could never have imagined.  It feels good to be kind in those difficult moments.  I have hope that I will grow in those moments!  All I need to do is to rely on a power greater than myself. 
 
One of my favorite things I've learned recently is that if I stay in the hope, I stay out of the fear.  Much in the same way that if I stay in the gratitude, I stay out of the negative thoughts.  I have hope that I can choose recovery.  And when I am weak, I have you all, always.  You are all just a phone call or text away.  I know you will listen.  I have hope you’ll understand.  I am amazed at the love and peace I can find in our program and in our fellowship.
 
This hope isn’t a flimsy reed.  From the Big Book (page 28) “What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, 'a design for living' that really works.”  

​I am willing to go to any lengths to keep this hope, my abstinence and sanity.  Oh gosh, the sanity, that’s a whole other blog!  My recovery gives me hope and let that be the message I carry today and always.  There is hope for the still suffering compulsive overeater.  It works, if we work it, and we’re worth it!
 
Thanks for reading and allowing me to be of service.  Much love to you.
 
Laurie A. - Region One

Hi, I'm Sheila and I'm a compulsive overeater.

The holidays are here, along with the potential for weeks of overindulging, overspending, and unmet expectations. Keeping my abstinence and serenity during this time of festive stress is a full time job, but I don't have to do it alone.

I can ask my higher power to grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I am powerless over the changing of the seasons, but I can change how I react to them.

I can have courage to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

I can actively seek ways to help others and be of service.

I can stay honest in my expectations.

By working steps 10, 11, and 12 daily, I can be free to enjoy the festivities.

I can gift those around me with patience, tolerance, kindness and love.

I can ask for the gift of willingness for myself -- willingness to grow in wisdom day by day.
​
Sheila B.
Guest Blogger

Even after over 25 years in OA, having worked the steps many times, and having reached a healthy body weight, I struggled with loathing my body. I hated parts of my body. Not all of it. I liked my hair, my eyes, my lips. I valued and accepted my strong arms, legs, and back. I despised, however, my squishy stomach, muffin top, and bulbous underarm boobs. No matter how thin I got, I needed to lose just a little more weight. Maybe if I did, these troublesome bits of me would melt away.

A few years later, my weight had crept up, despite the fact that my believed my food was in order.  I had regained 38 of the 98 pounds I had lost.  As I looked back on photos of myself at my lowest weight, it dawned on me that even then I had hated these parts of my physical self. My change in weight, whether up or down, did not change my perception or attitude.

I immediately was given an insight from my HP: this issue was not about my body. It was about my perception and attitude. I knew in my heart that I would always find myself unacceptable until I chose in my heart of hearts to accept and love myself just as I am. When I turned 55, I looked back wistfully at how I looked at 40. I suddenly knew that I would do the same thing when I turn 70, looking back at my 55-year-old self. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Since then, with the help of my sponsor and my higher power, I have focused on being mindful about how I choose to think of my body, being aware of the words I use to describe how I feel about my physical self. I will not tolerate any negative energy directed by me at my body. My attitude has changed. I still have a squishy stomach, muffin top, and underarm boobs. I don’t (yet) love them. But I don’t hate them either. They just are. I am a package deal. Thanks to this program, I like me as I am today.

Anonymous 
Guest Blogger

OA offers me a different way to live, if I choose. 

It gives me a response to things that "go wrong" (according to me) and allows me to realize that changing others is not my responsibility or obligation. 

What a relief!  All I have to work on is controlling my reaction to what is happening.  This is a LOT less work than trying to "fix" things for others. 

Things happen on HP's timeline.  Things always work out in the end, if they have not worked out yet, it is not the end.

Terri R. - Central Oregon Intergroup
​Guest Blogger