Identifying as One of Many
One of the first service positions I took above the group level was as newsletter editor for my intergroup. I loved searching other OA newsletters for stories and writing to share. I was going through my treasure trove of OA handouts and various paperwork when I stumbled across this writing. It tells me the truth about my constant companion. The one I relied on to keep me alive during the hardest part of my life. The problem was, when I finally saw the truth: that it was, and always has been, trying to kill me - it had such a grip on me that I could not imagine
how I could live without it. I could not separate myself from my disease. Who was I without it? Would I even like that person?
I found those answers in OA. My journey to find another way to live began on the day I asked a woman to be my first sponsor, trusting her enough to speak my truth and work the steps. Building a relationship with a Higher Power gave me the courage to slowly let go of my disease. I realized I had a choice. I chose freedom from the obsession. I chose recovery. I chose to live the life my Higher Power wants for me and guides me through. And over the last 30 years, I continue to make that choice every day.
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I AM YOUR DISEASE
I hate meetings. I hate a Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come into contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. CUNNING, BAFFLING and POWERFUL, that's me.
I have KILLED MILLIONS and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending that I am your friend and your lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there.
I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb that you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, this is true glory.
I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the ONLY ONE who agreed with you. Together, we were able to DESTROY ALL THINGS GOOD in your life.
People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help, many of these things would not be possible.
I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE ME. So many have chosen me over REALITY and PEACE.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a Twelve-Step Program. Your Program, your Meetings, Your Higher Power, ALL WEAKEN ME and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, BUT I AM GROWING, BIGGER THAN EVER. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. BUT I AM HERE... and until we meet again, I WISH YOU SUFFERING AND DEATH.
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I don't know where this writing came from or who wrote it. I only know that we share a common bond. I hope you can identify as I do. You ALWAYS have a choice. Which path will you choose today?
I wish you strength and courage to choose recovery. We are here for you. We WILL love you until you can love yourself. You are not alone anymore. Welcome to OA. Welcome Home.
Alice W.
One of the first service positions I took above the group level was as newsletter editor for my intergroup. I loved searching other OA newsletters for stories and writing to share. I was going through my treasure trove of OA handouts and various paperwork when I stumbled across this writing. It tells me the truth about my constant companion. The one I relied on to keep me alive during the hardest part of my life. The problem was, when I finally saw the truth: that it was, and always has been, trying to kill me - it had such a grip on me that I could not imagine
how I could live without it. I could not separate myself from my disease. Who was I without it? Would I even like that person?
I found those answers in OA. My journey to find another way to live began on the day I asked a woman to be my first sponsor, trusting her enough to speak my truth and work the steps. Building a relationship with a Higher Power gave me the courage to slowly let go of my disease. I realized I had a choice. I chose freedom from the obsession. I chose recovery. I chose to live the life my Higher Power wants for me and guides me through. And over the last 30 years, I continue to make that choice every day.
------
I AM YOUR DISEASE
I hate meetings. I hate a Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come into contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. CUNNING, BAFFLING and POWERFUL, that's me.
I have KILLED MILLIONS and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending that I am your friend and your lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there.
I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb that you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, this is true glory.
I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the ONLY ONE who agreed with you. Together, we were able to DESTROY ALL THINGS GOOD in your life.
People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help, many of these things would not be possible.
I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE ME. So many have chosen me over REALITY and PEACE.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a Twelve-Step Program. Your Program, your Meetings, Your Higher Power, ALL WEAKEN ME and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, BUT I AM GROWING, BIGGER THAN EVER. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. BUT I AM HERE... and until we meet again, I WISH YOU SUFFERING AND DEATH.
--
I don't know where this writing came from or who wrote it. I only know that we share a common bond. I hope you can identify as I do. You ALWAYS have a choice. Which path will you choose today?
I wish you strength and courage to choose recovery. We are here for you. We WILL love you until you can love yourself. You are not alone anymore. Welcome to OA. Welcome Home.
Alice W.