​“I think I’m doing pretty darn good in this OA program.  I don’t think about food very much anymore.  I go to meetings and try to be of service.  My clothes are fitting quite nicely, thank you very much.  I think I’m going to take a break from all this OA busyness.  Thank you OA, but I’ve got it from here.”
 
Oh, aren’t those words I’ve thought about saying more than once?  When can I stop doing this?  It takes so much time and effort and don’t you know that I really am starting to like myself now?  I’ve got all the information I need to set me on the right path.  Off I go….
 
Wow! For me, that type of thinking is indicative of the lies I tell myself.
 
What I know to be true is that the night I believed the lies that “I’m ok now, I’m at a normal body weight so it won’t matter and I just want it!” was the night my food addiction came waltzing right back in.  Waltzing like a gorilla, that is.  It picked me up and threw me down, and you know what they say, “When you’re dancing with a gorilla, you’re not done until the gorilla says you’re done.”
 
Yes this program takes time, but the results give me a life of peace. Peace with myself, peace with my Higher Power and peace with those around me.  It is true what they say that we never graduate from this Twelve Step program.  It is a design for living that works and as long as I’m living, I want to follow this design!
 
The Big Book of AA says:  “We are not cured of alcoholism.  What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 85)
 
Today, I know, that I know, that I know, I am an addict.  I will always need this Twelve Step program to guide me.  There is no leaving it behind because I’m tired of doing it. Well, there is, but the gorilla is waiting and I truly don’t want to dance anymore!
 
Gratefully done dancing,
 
Nadine D. – Region One

Last weekend I had the chance to attend a virtual retreat sponsored by North Cascade Intergroup.  Although the retreat took place over the entire weekend, my schedule allowed me to pop in only for Saturday afternoon.  
 
Finding she had a bit more time following a review of Steps 8 and 9, the speaker turned to one of my favorite stories in the back of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), “Acceptance was the Answer.”  Some of you long-timers might know this story by its previous title, "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict."  Page 449 was frequently quoted by many in our program for the place to go on "acceptance"; now it is on page 417 in the Fourth Edition.  
 
Our speaker shared frank personal examples of her own beliefs and behaviors that matched those of the writer of this story.  Here are a few excerpts that resonated with me:
 
"When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork.  I am saying I know better than God." (page 417)
 
Yep - I've had a tendency recently to truly believe I know how to run others' lives (Whose lives?  My husband's, daughter's, mother's, for starters).  What an ego!  And what an energy drain to have to think about and point out what others should be doing!  It also seems like I've done a bit too much complaining about what or who isn't ok in my life, when it's exactly the way it should be according to my HP's plan.
 
"When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day.  If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases." (page 419) 
 
Just last night after dinner I found myself slipping into the depths of despair. Nothing horrible had happened; evenings can often be times of day when I fall into negativity.  Fortunately, I realized I could adjust my attitude, that things would be ok, and I did the next indicated thing, which happened to be cleaning up the kitchen.  And after a few minutes, I felt better.  
 
And my favorite: 
 
At the bottom of page 413 this physician describes an old idea, and then later, a new idea:
 
"In the hospital I hung on to the idea I'd had most of my life:  that if I could just control the external environment, the internal environment would then become comfortable.  Much of my time was spent writing letters, notes, orders and lists of things for Max, who was also my office nurse, to do to keep the world running while I was locked up."
 
At the top of page 414:  
 
"Each with the other as a witness, we took the Third Step out loud--just as it says in the Big Book.  And life keeps getting simpler and easier as we try to reverse my old idea, by taking care of the internal environment via the Twelve Steps, and letting the external environment take care of itself." 
 
I love that I can become willing to set aside an idea that doesn't work, and pick up one that does.  It's that daily surrender of big or small things, and being open to a different result.    
 
We all love a good story of experience, strength and hope, and I am grateful to our retreat speaker for bringing this one back into my view.
 

Cindy C. – Region One