As a compulsive overeater in recovery, I am reminded time and time again that I am without defense against that first bite. I am beyond human aid.
But, I can say, “I had that first bite if a binge food yesterday and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t even have the second bite.” Well, that’s the unpredictability of the allergy. You never know which way it’s going to go. It could be that tomorrow I say, “I had that bite yesterday and I was OK, let me have another bite today.” And then I’m off and running not to come up for air for hours, days, and for many of us, even longer.
I’m also thinking of the ways I try to protect myself from my addiction with my own brand of will-power that truly has no effect when it comes to conquering the obsession, I just like to believe it does. I am right there with what it says in chapter 3 of the Big Book. “Here are the things we have tried to control our drinking…
“Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning…” I could so add my particular brand of food into this list. My controlling it with my own willpower doesn’t work!
I have to be “inwardly reorganized”. My defense must come from a Higher Power. OA is a spiritual program. I’m so grateful it’s not a diet and calories club. I so want to be part of this fellowship, but what I really want is to be part of the solution. The solution is spiritual. So I will keep praying, asking my Higher Power, God, to show me the next right move and to help me not to forget who I am and who’s in control.
Nadine D.
OA Region 1
But, I can say, “I had that first bite if a binge food yesterday and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t even have the second bite.” Well, that’s the unpredictability of the allergy. You never know which way it’s going to go. It could be that tomorrow I say, “I had that bite yesterday and I was OK, let me have another bite today.” And then I’m off and running not to come up for air for hours, days, and for many of us, even longer.
I’m also thinking of the ways I try to protect myself from my addiction with my own brand of will-power that truly has no effect when it comes to conquering the obsession, I just like to believe it does. I am right there with what it says in chapter 3 of the Big Book. “Here are the things we have tried to control our drinking…
“Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning…” I could so add my particular brand of food into this list. My controlling it with my own willpower doesn’t work!
I have to be “inwardly reorganized”. My defense must come from a Higher Power. OA is a spiritual program. I’m so grateful it’s not a diet and calories club. I so want to be part of this fellowship, but what I really want is to be part of the solution. The solution is spiritual. So I will keep praying, asking my Higher Power, God, to show me the next right move and to help me not to forget who I am and who’s in control.
Nadine D.
OA Region 1