“That does not help me because I cannot stop. It just makes me hate myself more to know I’m killing myself.” --Taste of Lifeline, page 177

The title of the story is “Letting Go” in Taste of Lifeline on page 177. I could not do this for the longest time in OA. I have been around the rooms for many years and even though I had lost over 50 pounds twice in program I could not keep my abstinence after my Dad died in 2011 for any long period of time. My friends were concerned, and my family saw me with many medical issues that kept stacking up against me. I knew the OA program was my answer, but I didn’t see how it could work for me. My diet mentality was back, and my spirituality was out the door. I needed help and I needed to find serenity again in my life.

I have learned over again that I need to let go and stop trying to control the outcome. HP is in charge, and I am not. I had met a Nutritionist that I could relate to and tell my truth. I didn’t find anyone before this person who would listen and understand my pain. She made recommendations
and I followed most of them. She is still part of my support system today. There was one thing she said that I just put out of my mind because at that time I didn’t have insurance that would cover the surgery. I also thought it would go against what I heard in the OA rooms and didn’t want to go there. I was very stubborn!

HP did not give up on me. People, places, and things were put in front of me and showed me the way. It took years, good insurance, the right medical staff, and the support from OA members to get me to accept help and a solution to this baffling disease that we call compulsive eating. I had to let go of my old ideas and be open to the grace of my Higher Power to find abstinence and a new way of living.

I have released over 110 pounds and have been abstinent for 21 months. I feel better and have a lightness of heart that makes me want to sing the praises of Overeaters Anonymous and what it has done for my life. My spirit is free, and my life is fabulous. This has nothing to do with weight loss, but everything to do with letting go and letting HP give me what I could not do for myself. I am still working on letting go of things I have no control over and that is a work in progress. Today I can say “I love you, Martha!” and that was very hard two years ago. This program continues to save my soul, and I am grateful for the journey!
​
Martha R 
Second Vice Chair

In my disease, I could and still can even in recovery, find any reason to worry. "Diddie, don't go borrowing worry", mom used to say when I would worry about the thunder or the wind blowing over our 8 person single wide mobile home. The only way I could drown out the stormy Atlantic winds was to turn up the furnace. So I would do this 30 minutes at a time until I worried then I would turn the furnace down to zero in minus 40 degree Celsius. Family would wake up freezing. I borrowed worry as if it were money, and gambled on my life to get ways to fund it.

So I am finding myself borrowing worry again. I am under 3 weeks away from a skin removal surgery. A major risky surgery since I have sleep apnea and will regularly quit breathing in my sleep. Last time (2014/15) I was put under anesthesia (for 5 minutes only) I quit breathing. I haven't been under since. This time I am under for a long time. So am I borrowing worry? Heck yeah, I am not only borrowing it, I am stealing it. I am living on the edge of worry in all out life and death FEAR. 

But because I have been 1658 days recovering and abstinent from compulsive eating, I am prepared. My fears brought on some 'not so wealthy and healthy behaviors' which I have since arrested every single one of them. They are all in my 'God Box' where they belong. I have the OA 9 tools which I am utilizing many or most of them.

• Entering recovery, my Food Plan was far different than it is today. For two years I found a 'strict' I called it FP where I abstained completely from sugar and flour (like paid $9.00 for a 1 ml bottle of sugar free ketchup). Today I have a food plan where I avoid sugar and flour. I eat regular store bought ketchup. I abstain from compulsively eating and compulsive food behaviors and lean toward high protein with a heaping spoonful of superfoods like hemp hearts and chia seeds. 
• I attend more Meetings to do service than to fuel my need to hear the message. An area I am striving to improve. I can isolate in business meetings. This is a Red Flag that I usually wave.
• I used my Telephone to send an outreach text to 5 of my friends who are mentors asking for help. Amazing response back.
• I am a published writer so Writing is the tool I find easiest to go to. I wish I could teach writing to those who find it difficult, because "the neat thing about putting 'thoughts-words-paper' (or messages in texts today) is that those nagging 'worry' thoughts are cemented outside you now."
• Hmmm Literature, not nearly enough. Daily readers? Only when I'm in crisis of imbalance in life. Approved or outside literature... well I google lots and read trustworthy literature from reputable sites (HINT: Anything with annoying ads and multi pop-ups - back out!).
• I am ready again for Sponsorship and I am hoping to connect with any new sponsees by using the loving, safe and comforting calmness I have when I meet with my sponsor. When I struggle to show up for me, I can always show up for others. And sponsorship ties into Service an area of service I would like to hone is sponsoring others. Now Service overall let's just say I live abstinent because of it. 
• Anonymity - now this is where I am not just encouraged, but incensed to place principles before personalities and trust me this year I have met some challenges - God Box comes in Huge...
• I make lists as Action Plans. I work from guided lists like workbooks or homework. Lists like housework lists or getting to a doctor kinda lists take me rhythmically through my day.  

Use the Tools in any way you can. They work if you use them. You already do more than you realize till you see them in action. Take Action. 

Diane D
Technology Coordinator

My sponsor recently gave me an assignment to send her a gratitude list each day. Once upon a time, I would have been far too cynical to entertain the idea of doing this little exercise, but I have learned that cynicism is a defect of character which allows my disease to thrive, so I
agreed to give it a try. The first few days were easy. I listed the obvious – abstinence, my family, a roof over said family’s heads – Not that I make light of those things, just that they were big things to be grateful for. I didn’t want to always list those few things and be done, however, and I tried to dig a little deeper and I started to become more aware of the simple gifts that recovery and my Higher Power have brought to my life. I’m experiencing one right now. I am sitting in the sunshine writing on my back yard patio that used to be so out of control there was nowhere to sit. In fact, my home is a pleasant place to be. It used to be such a chaotic mess that I kept my curtains closed and prayed that no one would knock on the door. My bedroom has become a peaceful room to fall asleep in or just go for a moment of solitude. I have good friends today. Most of them are people I met in the rooms. We don’t spend our time gossiping and putting others down like all of my friendships before I came into OA. We spend our time supporting one another and building each other up. Recovery has given me a lot to be grateful for and one of them is the ability to appreciate simple gifts I have been given.

Lisa S
​Secretary

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. Command all to God, and then lie still and be at rest in His bosom. –St. Francis de Sales.

I go to this page (For Today, page 357) throughout the year to find inward peace when my life is turned upside down. Sometimes I shed a few tears when I read this, and I know that my HP brought me to this page to help me heal. I may need to heal for physical, emotional, or spiritual reasons, but this reading always gives me what I need at the moment. This is true for many of our Overeaters Anonymous pieces of literature. I can find peace in what I read and remember that I am not alone in this disease called compulsive eating.

A spiritual life is what I seek today. I have been in this program for over twenty-one years, and I am still learning and growing in the program. I have released over 100 pounds and what I am grateful for is my spiritual awareness and inward peace. I didn’t come into this program seeking a spiritual life, but I found it. My gratitude is overflowing and my soul is filled with love. I didn’t know I could love myself so much and be happy most days. God has given me this life and I am overwhelmed by His grace for me.

I do not want to lose this inward peace I have found, and I know that the OA program is the key to keeping the peace I have in my life today. I will always give back to this program for as long as I can. I will face life’s challenges with help from God and my OA family. I know I cannot do this alone and I don’t have to today. Life is beautiful and my outlook is clearly a spiritual path. I rise up every morning and give thanks to the God of my understanding.

For Today: The twelve-step program might well be called a set of instructions for finding – and keeping – inward peace. –For Today, page 357.

Martha R 
Second Vice Chair

Identifying as One of Many

One of the first service positions I took above the group level was as newsletter editor for my intergroup. I loved searching other OA newsletters for stories and writing to share. I was going through my treasure trove of OA handouts and various paperwork when I stumbled across this writing. It tells me the truth about my constant companion. The one I relied on to keep me alive during the hardest part of my life. The problem was, when I finally saw the truth: that it was, and always has been, trying to kill me - it had such a grip on me that I could not imagine
how I could live without it. I could not separate myself from my disease. Who was I without it? Would I even like that person?

I found those answers in OA. My journey to find another way to live began on the day I asked a woman to be my first sponsor, trusting her enough to speak my truth and work the steps. Building a relationship with a Higher Power gave me the courage to slowly let go of my disease. I realized I had a choice. I chose freedom from the obsession. I chose recovery. I chose to live the life my Higher Power wants for me and guides me through. And over the last 30 years, I continue to make that choice every day.
------

I AM YOUR DISEASE

I hate meetings. I hate a Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come into contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. CUNNING, BAFFLING and POWERFUL, that's me.

I have KILLED MILLIONS and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending that I am your friend and your lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there.

I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb that you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, this is true glory.

I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the ONLY ONE who agreed with you. Together, we were able to DESTROY ALL THINGS GOOD in your life.

People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help, many of these things would not be possible.

I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE ME. So many have chosen me over REALITY and PEACE.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a Twelve-Step Program. Your Program, your Meetings, Your Higher Power, ALL WEAKEN ME and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, BUT I AM GROWING, BIGGER THAN EVER. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. BUT I AM HERE... and until we meet again, I WISH YOU SUFFERING AND DEATH.
--
I don't know where this writing came from or who wrote it. I only know that we share a common bond. I hope you can identify as I do. You ALWAYS have a choice. Which path will you choose today?

I wish you strength and courage to choose recovery. We are here for you. We WILL love you until you can love yourself. You are not alone anymore. Welcome to OA. Welcome Home.
​
Alice W.

When asked to share my story at meetings, I always end my time with a section of “A Vision for You” from pg 152 of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book:
​
“We have shown how we got out from under. You say, “Yes, I’m willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see” I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute? 

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.”

I get chills even typing the words! Because this has proven itself to be my experience. No, it’s not just a club I signed up for and magically my troubles disappeared. But through rigorous honesty while working the steps with my sponsor; attending various type of meetings covering  different aspects of recovery; and working every day to stay in a fit spiritual condition, recovery is possible!

When worry, boredom, care, - and I’ll add stress, frustration, anger – try and sneak into my day, I’ve got tools and support and a community in this fellowship that are all there to remind me, encourage me, and lead me back to the serenity of recovery. For this, I am eternally grateful.

There are days when my life is pretty fantastic! Among the promises in our literature is above – The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. I accept this promise and own it as my future. I’m so glad to have found this fellowship and I’m glad it includes you!

Robin E
Second Member at Large