I have been blessed with nearly 13 months of a pretty easy abstinence. But in the last few weeks, the food has been "on my back," or rather, on my mind. Am I spiritually unfit? Have I been skipping too many meetings, or not doing service? Am I not praying hard enough?

Sometimes my brain forgets that I’m an addict, and thinks that if I just did more, or was smarter, things will go my way. But now I don’t think the answer is to try harder. My will power can only do so much, and I am completely powerless over food. There is one who has all power, and that one is my HP.

Sometimes my HP speaks through other people, such as my sponsor, who reminded me that I have been experimenting with a zero calorie sugar substitute. It is much sweeter than table sugar, but it has no carbohydrates, calories, or artificial ingredients.

​No calories! Sounds great to me! So much so that I have added this ingredient to my daily tea, or twice daily tea, or five times a day tea…and more tea.

Yes, I am an addict. If it tastes sweet, I want it, and I crave more, and more, and more. So for my next experiment, I have stopped using the sweetener for the past six days, with the hope that being off of it will eventually stop my food cravings. So far I’ve observed that I’m not enjoying my tea as much, and the food cravings are still there. This is an awkward time.

What am I doing to stay abstinent? There’s no magic formula. I make outreach calls. I go to meetings. I talk with my sponsor, and with my sponsee. I ask my HP to let me be of service. I’m writing a guest blog. I pray a lot, asking my HP for relief from the cravings, asking for the gift of abstinence one minute at a time. So far, I continue to get the gift of imperfect abstinence, and I am grateful.

I wish I could say that the cravings are gone, but they are not yet. But the OA fellowship is here, meetings are here, the phone is here, and my HP is here. I am not alone. And for the moment, while writing this blog, the food is not on my back. I am grateful for that, for my HP, and for all of you who are on this journey with me.
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DJR - Guest Blogger - Oregon

As a compulsive overeater in recovery, I am reminded time and time again that I am without defense against that first bite. I am beyond human aid.

But, I can say, “I had that first bite if a binge food yesterday and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t even have the second bite.” Well, that’s the unpredictability of the allergy. You never know which way it’s going to go. It could be that tomorrow I say, “I had that bite yesterday and I was OK, let me have another bite today.” And then I’m off and running not to come up for air for hours, days, and for many of us, even longer.

I’m also thinking of the ways I try to protect myself from my addiction with my own brand of will-power that truly has no effect when it comes to conquering the obsession, I just like to believe it does. I am right there with what it says in chapter 3 of the Big Book. “Here are the things we have tried to control our drinking…

“Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning…” I could so add my particular brand of food into this list. My controlling it with my own willpower doesn’t work!

I have to be “inwardly reorganized”. My defense must come from a Higher Power. OA is a spiritual program. I’m so grateful it’s not a diet and calories club. I so want to be part of this fellowship, but what I really want is to be part of the solution. The solution is spiritual. So I will keep praying, asking my Higher Power, God, to show me the next right move and to help me not to forget who I am and who’s in control.
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Nadine D.
OA Region 1