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SEEKING SPIRITUAL GROWTH

4/23/2022

4 Comments

 
Picture
​As I sit here pondering what my experience, strength and hope looks like today it occurs to me that my recovery has come in increments. If I look at just today or yesterday it might not seem like much to my mind – a mind that miraculously has so much more room to ponder and to reflect than ever before. Because before I walked into OA I only had time to worry, dread and avoid the past, present and future - by binge eating, watching tv, and making commitments I couldn’t keep. I was stuck in that same cycle day in and day out due the shame and guilt of not being able to show up for life the way I thought I saw other people doing it – with ease and joy. How did they do it?

What I’ve learned is that I am a sugar addict - my drug is sugar. I have a physical allergy and a mental obsession that no amount of willpower can remedy. If I could have, I would have – I’ve heard and said that many times over the years. Oh! But what I would have missed out on….

My experience with God has evolved steadily over the years, but often in fits and starts, bits and pieces, sometimes with great joy and other times half-heartedly – wondering if I’m on the right path. I’ve come to learn I’m a seeker; and with that comes the ups and downs of letting go of old thoughts and ideas and trying on new ones. My concept of God has evolved and continues to evolve from an entity outside of me to that still, small voice I’ve come to know is my intuition. My intuition was always something I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t trust. Hadn’t it always told me food was the answer?

What I’ve learned is that I wasn’t hearing that still, small voice but the part of my brain that only knew how to handle life with sugar and bingeing. It was always so loud! How could hear anything else? I’d never learned how to listen.

When I started working the steps in the Big Book with a sponsor I describe it as learning how to grow up and become an adult – an adult I could rely on. I learned how to show up, tell the truth and not step all over people to get what I needed. I learned how to ask for help and be of service. All I wanted when I showed up was to be thin and have you like me. I had no idea how little I was asking. The gift of growing up has been miraculous.  Little by slowly I’m being guided by God, our steps, traditions and principles and the recovery I see every day in our fellowship.

Recovery has been of the educational variety for me – I consider myself a seeker of spiritual growth. The deeper my connection with my HP – the more easeful and relaxed my recovery becomes every day.  

Erin F. - Region One

PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE LAST NAMES IN BLOG POST COMMENTS
4 Comments
Laurie A
4/23/2022 02:54:46 pm

Thanks Erin! Glad I took the time to read your blog today. I appreciate your service. It is amazing what we can do and hear once we become sober. The possibilities really ARE endless ❤️

Reply
Cindy C.
4/25/2022 11:45:24 am

Thanks Erin! Very helpful to read today. I love your description of how it’s been to build that #1 relationship with HP. I am currently working to get back to that ease and peace. Making progress!

Reply
Beverly
4/25/2022 11:53:09 am

Thanks for your post, Erin. To me the Steps and the Principles of the Steps are very much about learning to be an adult...with food, in relationships, in my responsibilities. I am grateful to the Steps and to sponsors who have patiently helped me along the way.

Reply
Jean M
4/29/2022 03:52:35 pm

Thanks for the share Erin. Early in recovery, I discovered I was living with someone else's understanding of who God was and is. Since then I have let go, and let God show me who He is(ok, so usually I do). As our relationship evolves into better understanding on my part, my recovery, emotionally, mentally and physically, does as well. Have another 24.

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