MY blog submission is due today and I don’t know what to write about. I have been in a shaky place lately. I spoke with my sponsor about how I was feeling discouraged and unmotivated to practice the daily disciplines that keep me close to my Higher Power and abstinent. I have relapsed before and know that the first compulsive bite is that last step in a relapse. “My food has been good, but I am scared that I will lose it if I keep on the path I have been on.” Of course, know I was in danger is helpful, but I am still as powerless over my thinking as I am over the food. My brain has this uncanny ability to resist the very things that are good for me. I know that a meeting or an outreach call will alleviate the loneliness of isolation. I know that prayer and meditation are how I can connect with my Higher Power. I know how basic self-care activities – getting to bed at a decent hour, waking up and dressing as becomingly as I can each day, and exercise – all lead to my feeling better about myself and the world around me. Just like I always know that I needed to stop eating so much if I wanted to lose weight and be healthier. And, just as with the food, I couldn’t myself to do the things I need t”to do on my own. My sponsor didn’t scold me for feeling sorry for myself, which is what I expected. She suggested that I act myself into right thinking by writing for one minute each day and returning to the practice of sending her a nightly inventory each night. So, this blog is my writing for this morning. I have been doing this for 5 days and nights now. The nightly inventories have really helped me to see how much I had been fighting accepting life as life is right now. I have been dealing with health issues. I have been angry that I wasn’t recovering according to my own timetable and also afraid about it. I was pissed at my Higher Power because life wasn’t’ going my way. Selfishness, anger and fear. No wonder I haven’t felt close to HP and felt on a slippery slope. Thankfully, my HP has a pretty solid self esteem and loves me in all of me – angry, joyful, whatever. Admitting how I was feeling to myself, and to HP, means that I can ask to have these defects to be removed and for the willingness to take the next right action. For today, I pray for the willingness to take the next right action and that that leads to the next right action after that. I am so grateful for this program and the fellowship that gives me people I can turn to when I am struggling.
Lisa S. Region One Secretary
Lisa S. Region One Secretary