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acting my way to right thinking

8/8/2023

2 Comments

 
Picture
MY blog submission is due today and I don’t know what to write about. I have been in a shaky place lately.   I spoke with my sponsor about how I was feeling discouraged and unmotivated to practice the daily disciplines that keep me close to my Higher Power and abstinent. I have relapsed before and know that the first compulsive bite is that last step in a relapse.  “My food has been good, but I am scared that I will lose it if I keep on the path I have been on.”  Of course, know I was in danger is helpful, but I am still as powerless over my thinking as I am over the food.  My brain has this uncanny ability to resist the very things that are good for me.  I know that a meeting or an outreach call will alleviate the loneliness of isolation.  I know that prayer and meditation are how I can connect with my Higher Power.  I know how basic self-care activities – getting to bed at a decent hour, waking up and dressing as becomingly as I can each day, and exercise – all lead to my feeling better about myself and the world around me.  Just like I always know that I needed to stop eating so much if I wanted to lose weight and be healthier.  And, just as with the food, I couldn’t myself to do the things I need t”to do on my own.  My sponsor didn’t scold me for feeling sorry for myself, which is what I expected.  She suggested that I act myself into right thinking by writing for one minute each day and returning to the practice of sending her a nightly inventory each night. So, this blog is my writing for this morning.  I have been doing this for 5 days and nights now.  The nightly inventories have really helped me to see how much I had been fighting accepting life as life is right now. I have been dealing with health issues. I have been angry that I wasn’t recovering according to my own timetable and also afraid about it.  I was pissed at my Higher Power because life wasn’t’ going my way. Selfishness, anger and fear.  No wonder I haven’t felt close to HP and felt on a slippery slope.  Thankfully, my HP has a pretty solid self esteem and loves me in all of me – angry, joyful, whatever.  Admitting how I was feeling to myself, and to HP, means that I can ask to have these defects to be removed and for the willingness to take the next right action.  For today, I pray for the willingness to take the next right action and that that leads to the next right action after that.  I am so grateful for this program and the fellowship that gives me people I can turn to when I am struggling.  

Lisa S. Region One Secretary
PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE LAST NAMES IN BLOG POST COMMENTS
2 Comments
James G
8/9/2023 01:15:13 pm

Thank you for your share Lisa, I am so very grateful to have met you and become a friend. I have been struggling but I am on the right path when I am surrounded by such powerful testimony to this program. Hope you mend from your health concerns quickly.

Reply
Lesley
8/10/2023 08:55:01 am

Thank you for your honest share Lisa! I was just reading a meditation on honesty and how rigorous honesty makes us strong and effective. Before program I believed I must hide my weaknesses. Now I find freedom in the meetings as I learn to share and grow through my struggles.

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