At a recent workshop, I was reminded that the world is full of different body shapes and sizes, and that in our fellowship, abstinence is as varied as the ways we each act out our compulsive food behaviors. What keeps me sane can be the downfall of another. The fact that we can each define our own abstinence is one of the miracles of the program. Since we all act out our addiction in different ways, what works to free us from our compulsion will also look a little different for each of us.
 
Many of us would agree that what one person defines as "sober" eating can send another into relapse. So why do we not share the same sentiment when it comes to body size? Why do we judge those as "not abstinent" when their size does not match our personal vision of physical recovery?
 
As an anorexic/bulimic and over exerciser, I was brutal to my body, trying to get it to stay at a size that I had decided was "right-sized." In recovery, I found that I had a very hard time letting go of what physical recovery looked like for me. What program has taught me, through working the Twelve Steps, is that this is a program of action. I do the footwork and leave the results to my Higher Power. And that includes my physical recovery. My abstinence is sober eating, which to me means putting food in its proper place. I feed my body the nutrition it needs to be healthy so I can do HP's will for me as I walk through my day. Sober eating also means that I do not use food or compulsive food behaviors to avoid my emotions or escape from life. I live life on life's terms. And I leave the results to HP. I trust my Higher Power to take care of the size of my body - the one that I was born with. Not the one I tortured myself to try to obtain. Freedom from the obsession includes letting go of my vision of what a right-sized, abstinent body looks like. The size of my clothes or the number on the scale does not matter. If I am eating a sober meal plan, then I am abstinent.
 
When I came into program, one of my core beliefs was that the size of my body determined my value to the world. What program has taught me through my step work is that the size of my body does not reflect my worth to this world, and neither does it define the depth of my recovery. My value to the world is based on HP's will for me: to be of service to others. Program promises me freedom from food obsession, and a life of usefulness. It does not promise to make me a certain size or shape.
 
Love and tolerance is our code. (I prefer love and acceptance, myself.) Love and acceptance includes our own bodies, as well as those of our fellows, regardless of shape or size.
 
Alice W. – Region 1 

Sometimes it’s good for me to take a minute and think about what I really know about myself after all this time in OA.  Am I really different?  In all this “turning over” of my will, my life, my character defects (Steps 3 and 6). What does that actually mean for me?
 
Here’s an example:  The discussion at a recent OA meeting was on “Amends we’ve made and how that affected us.”  It prompted something within me about a possible amends I needed to make to a relative. Talking with my sponsor, I realized it wasn’t an amends I needed to make, but a hurt I needed to deal with.  In dealing with that same hurt several years ago, this is what I did: “Wow, that hurt.  I better let it go because there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be resentful.”  Well, fast forward three years later and I’m crying over the same hurt.  I really hadn’t turned anything over to my Higher Power.  So, with the help of my sponsor, I wrote a letter to this person, who is now deceased.  I acknowledged the hurt, and I also recognized all the good and blessings that person gave me.  I asked God to remove my selfishness and my hanging onto thoughts that may not have been true. With this intentional act, came freedom.  I am free of it!
 
I also had to be clear about what character defects I’m giving up. That makes more sense to me more than just saying, “take it away, God.”
 
So, what do I know?  That my program is about surrender, action, and reliance upon my HP, who does for me what I cannot do for myself!  It does take work, but I am worth the effort.  My life is filled with peace by following these Steps. I know that I can live without confusion, resentment and fear if I keep connected to the source of my strength.
 
I am sure of it!
 
Nadine – Region 1

In one of my meetings there is a woman who has been abstinent for over forty years. She often shares that “It is my job today to practice the Spiritual Principles of the OA program.”  
 
Step One – the Spiritual Principle is Honesty.  One of the definitions of honesty is "adherence to the facts" or "sincerity."    This seems like the perfect spiritual principle for Step One to me.   To truly understand that I am powerless over food and my life is unmanageable, I needed to be honest with myself about my life. 

To be honest, I do not think I really believed Step One when I arrived in OA.  I came to OA after being in another 12 Step program for almost a year.  I could understand and believe Step Two – Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.   I had seen that step work for members of the other program.  So, when someone there mentioned OA to me in reference to my overeating, I was immediately interested in finding out more about the OA program. 
 
But I do not really think I took Step One for several years after I started coming to OA meetings.  I certainly did not get abstinent consistently until I had been in OA for about eight years. 

The bottom came after I had been living up near Mt. Hood, outside of Portland, Oregon, for about a year.  During the summer while I worked at a camp for handicapped children, I had been wonderfully abstinent.  It felt easy to be abstinent – I just ate the three meals per day they served in the dining hall, no sugar and no wheat and NO snacking. 

​Then, at the mid-summer OA retreat, I realized I really needed to be close to the OA program and to OA people to stay abstinent during the rest of the year.  I could NOT do this by myself; I was powerless over the food.  I decided I needed to move back to Portland, where there were more meetings and more OA people around me.  I could not do my life by myself.  I had to be honest with myself and with other people.  That is when my first abstinence started. 
 
Margie - Region 1

​I am sitting here wondering why guilt wants to follow me around like a lost puppy!

This guilt, this shame, over things I should have done better, or didn’t do, or something I said, or didn’t say. 

How in the world did it sneak into my brain again?  Just when I was feeling pretty good about myself and my recovery.

I know my Higher Power, God, isn’t asking for perfection.  But why can’t I just give myself a “B” and move on some days?  Why are some of the most disparaging thoughts about who I am, seem to be on instant replay in my mind?

Well, that’s when I am reminded to go back to what I know works in my recovery.  Back to the basics. It’s a great reminder that I need to lean into my Higher Power and focus on what is true.  That is why I absolutely love the reading on January 19 in For Today:

“I have never seen a person grow or change in a constructive direction when motivated by guilt, shame and/or hate.”     William Goldberg

So for today:  "I let no one--including myself--try to shame me into changing something about myself I wish were different.  I pray to be relieved of guilt and self-hate, and to accept and like myself exactly as I am.  That is where I can begin to change.”  For Today, page 19.

Now that is a prayer I’m going to attach to that lost puppy dog of guilt to overshadow whatever else it wants to bark at me.  Thank you God for the truth that sets me free!

Nadine - Region 1

Rather than focus on the uncertainty we are all facing, I have tried to find the small blessings in these days of Covid quarantine. One major, unexpected blessing is the extended fellowship I have found by attending
the many Zoom meetings that are only available due to the quarantine.
 
One of these meetings offers members time to read affirmations and I wanted to pass these along to all of you.
 
When I first came into program, my sponsor had me look at myself in the mirror and say affirmations out loud to my reflection. This practice has helped me tremendously with self-acceptance. I hope this daily practice will help you too.
 
Alice W. - Region 1
 
AFFIRMATIONS*
 
BODY

• I can leave my body up to my higher power.
• I love _________ (name a part of your body.)
• My body is exactly the way it should be today.
• I refrain from abusing my body.
• My body has its own strength and grace.
• My body is beautiful and I will love and nurture it.
• My smile accentuates the beauty of my face.
• I enjoy feeling myself in my body.
• I accept and love my feminine aspects.
• My weight does not matter for today.
• I will not starve just for today.
• My higher power would not expect me to get less than I deserve in food, exercise, and other forms of body care.

 
SELF

• I am learning to refrain from self-criticism.
• I can depend on my higher power to help me with self-esteem.
• I accept and embrace myself.
• I have been blessed with many talents.
• I choose to look at the beauty life has to offer.
• I am full of joy and happiness.
• I am worthy and deserving of care and attention.
• I am a caring person and loved by many.
• I embrace change effortlessly.
• I can use the steps to rid myself of guilt and self-abuse.
• I accept my emotions and allow them creative expression.
• I am free to be a creative joyful being.
• My life force flows in balance with all things.
• I claim the deepest wisdom of my being.
• My higher power would not expect me to get less than I deserve in self-love and self-care.

 
SEX & RELATED ISSUES

• I bless and celebrate the feminine way of being.
• I give only when my cup overflows.
• I release sexual guilt and celebrate my sexuality.
• I do not fake my sexual responses.
• I own my sexuality.
• I own my body.
• I have healthy sexual boundaries.
• I can depend on my higher power to help with my sexual boundaries.

 
*These affirmations are from a Women's Self, Sexuality, & Body Issues OA meeting. Feel free to change any wording to suit your situation.

At a workshop we held with Snake River Intergroup last year, each participant placed a question about sponsorship in our "Ask-it Basket." Then each person chose a question at random from the basket, read it aloud and shared their own experience, strength and hope on the question.  Here are some of their great shares on sponsorship:

Q. How many sponsees is too many?

• It varies depending on your life circumstances.
• You want to have enough time to give them the attention they deserve.

Q. How much in-person vs over the phone/email/text works best? 

• Virtual sponsorship works if you work it.
• A mix is great if you are located in the same geographic area.
• I meet face to face once a week with my sponsor for a "walk and talk."
• I call my sponsor every morning at a set time for 15 minutes.
• My sponsor and I do a combo of texts and calls.

Q. What makes a sponsor a "tough" sponsor?

• Talking truth is important and it may be the first time someone has heard unvarnished truth.
• Setting clear guidelines and sticking to them is important.
• Asking hard questions.
• Asking "What are you willing to do TODAY for your recovery?"

Q. What do I do with someone who can't get abstinent?

• Ask the same question as above "What are you willing to do today for your recovery?"
• Nothing changes if nothing changes...
• Suggest:  Pray for willingness...ask for help...text me before that first compulsive bite...
• Use the Before You Take that First Compulsive Bite pamphlet as a writing exercise.
• Use the 12 Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous Step One questions.
• You can't want their recovery more than they do...

Q. What if I can't reach my sponsor?

• Develop your own OA support crew.
• Have the phone  number of members of your meetings.
• Call a newcomer.
• Listen to a podcast.
• Attend a phone meeting.
• Write a letter to your sponsor.

Here are more good questions about sponsorship:

• Should a sponsee always call me or can I call them?
• What is a binge? What is a slip versus a break in abstinence?
• When am I ready to sponsor? 
• How much time does sponsoring take?
• How can I find a sponsor?
• Why should I have a sponsor?  Why should I be a sponsor?

Feel free to share your answers to these questions in the comments.  Together we get better!  

Pat and Nadine - Region 1