​I have a great life! Beyond my wildest dreams, in fact.

Butt (I always spell it with two t's since it is a big BUTT) when I must transition from one routine to another or try something new or move in a new direction, I still go through a lot of foot dragging, internal "NO!!" screaming and other less-than-attractive behavior.

That's where my sponsor and my meetings really help me. Without fail, when I own the situation as tough and speak about it, it reduces the load. When I do not deny my issue butt share on it, it is easier to cope.  Even when I don't want to feel the way I feel and I am embarrassed that I feel the way I feel, if I can share on it, it gets better.

I say to myself and my sponsees that I don't believe HONESTY takes me anywhere I shouldn't go. Of course, that is my truth about ME not anything I may want to think is true about you! 

So my experience is that working the 12 Steps of OA helps me see what's true more and more clearly. My OA fellows and HP help me see my way through.

Thank you. I could not do this alone.

Aloha,
Pat O'C

​“I’m just not willing…Please help!”  

Oddly enough, that has become one of my favorite prayers.  What are the things I need that prayer for in my program?

Should I give up bread?  Maybe my portions at dinner should be smaller, (but it takes that much to satisfy me, and I just don’t want to eat less). 

I struggle, I wrestle with the thoughts.  In complete honesty I say to my Higher Power, God, “Please help me in my unwillingness. I don’t think I’m willing to go deeper with trusting you.”

So I pray.  I spend time with God and keep being honest about how I’m feeling.

Suddenly, the thought crosses my mind, “Maybe I should try measuring a few things.” Nothing drastic, my oatmeal for breakfast, my serving of peanut butter, my salad dressing.  A new level of honesty, a new, different feeling of peace around food, and all of a sudden, I’m not eating as much bread and it’s completely OK with me. Getting honest with my food helps me get honest in other areas of my life as I watch in amazement as God does for me what I could never do myself.

I like this new level of honesty with God.  I don’t have to be afraid to express how I feel.  I don’t think God is surprised by it.  So, I discard the old thinking that I’m doing something wrong when I express the thoughts of unwillingness dancing in my head.

I grab hold of the principle of honesty, and I do the next right thing.

Nadine - Region 1