​As I sit here pondering what my experience, strength and hope looks like today it occurs to me that my recovery has come in increments. If I look at just today or yesterday it might not seem like much to my mind – a mind that miraculously has so much more room to ponder and to reflect than ever before. Because before I walked into OA I only had time to worry, dread and avoid the past, present and future - by binge eating, watching tv, and making commitments I couldn’t keep. I was stuck in that same cycle day in and day out due the shame and guilt of not being able to show up for life the way I thought I saw other people doing it – with ease and joy. How did they do it?

What I’ve learned is that I am a sugar addict - my drug is sugar. I have a physical allergy and a mental obsession that no amount of willpower can remedy. If I could have, I would have – I’ve heard and said that many times over the years. Oh! But what I would have missed out on….

My experience with God has evolved steadily over the years, but often in fits and starts, bits and pieces, sometimes with great joy and other times half-heartedly – wondering if I’m on the right path. I’ve come to learn I’m a seeker; and with that comes the ups and downs of letting go of old thoughts and ideas and trying on new ones. My concept of God has evolved and continues to evolve from an entity outside of me to that still, small voice I’ve come to know is my intuition. My intuition was always something I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t trust. Hadn’t it always told me food was the answer?

What I’ve learned is that I wasn’t hearing that still, small voice but the part of my brain that only knew how to handle life with sugar and bingeing. It was always so loud! How could hear anything else? I’d never learned how to listen.

When I started working the steps in the Big Book with a sponsor I describe it as learning how to grow up and become an adult – an adult I could rely on. I learned how to show up, tell the truth and not step all over people to get what I needed. I learned how to ask for help and be of service. All I wanted when I showed up was to be thin and have you like me. I had no idea how little I was asking. The gift of growing up has been miraculous.  Little by slowly I’m being guided by God, our steps, traditions and principles and the recovery I see every day in our fellowship.

Recovery has been of the educational variety for me – I consider myself a seeker of spiritual growth. The deeper my connection with my HP – the more easeful and relaxed my recovery becomes every day.  

Erin F. - Region One

The holidays can be troublesome for me, not because of the sweets and tempting goodies--those I know to stay away from!  For me the challenge is the parade of food that gets displayed intermittently, especially at a pot luck or buffet.

Serve me food on a plate and I know what to eat, but serve it to me piecemeal and my brain starts to chatter. My disease rears it ugly head and starts calculating what I've eaten, what I can still eat,  how many calories I ate before this was served, and is that on my food plan, is that part of my meal...?

Although I  survive, it's not without a great deal of discomfort and "dodging bullets." That is not serenity. I like to eat so I hear god, not so I hear my brain chatter.  

For me, a "Done" Buddy helps. When I have eaten my meal (protein, veggies, fruit, and sometimes a starch), having someone in program to call or text to tell them I am "done" is a life saver. Sometimes getting a "done" text from them can even help me when I might be in negotiation with myself. "The thought crossed my mind..." Being a "Done" buddy helps us both. 

I used to have a "Done" Buddy every night so that when dinner was over and I had my fruit, I would text "done." End of story. Nothing more passes these lips, except a good night kiss from my husband.  They would in turn text me "done" and we knew that there was someone else out there calling the meal "done."

This kind of support is what fellowship is all about.  I highly recommend whether you are a newcomer or an old-timer, finding a holiday "done" buddy is an easy and wonderful way to do service. And of course, when all else fails, pray!

Jacquie E. - Central Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger

Hi, I'm Sheila and I'm a compulsive overeater.

The holidays are here, along with the potential for weeks of overindulging, overspending, and unmet expectations. Keeping my abstinence and serenity during this time of festive stress is a full time job, but I don't have to do it alone.

I can ask my higher power to grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I am powerless over the changing of the seasons, but I can change how I react to them.

I can have courage to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

I can actively seek ways to help others and be of service.

I can stay honest in my expectations.

By working steps 10, 11, and 12 daily, I can be free to enjoy the festivities.

I can gift those around me with patience, tolerance, kindness and love.

I can ask for the gift of willingness for myself -- willingness to grow in wisdom day by day.
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Sheila B.
Guest Blogger

I have been blessed with nearly 13 months of a pretty easy abstinence. But in the last few weeks, the food has been "on my back," or rather, on my mind. Am I spiritually unfit? Have I been skipping too many meetings, or not doing service? Am I not praying hard enough?

Sometimes my brain forgets that I’m an addict, and thinks that if I just did more, or was smarter, things will go my way. But now I don’t think the answer is to try harder. My will power can only do so much, and I am completely powerless over food. There is one who has all power, and that one is my HP.

Sometimes my HP speaks through other people, such as my sponsor, who reminded me that I have been experimenting with a zero calorie sugar substitute. It is much sweeter than table sugar, but it has no carbohydrates, calories, or artificial ingredients.

​No calories! Sounds great to me! So much so that I have added this ingredient to my daily tea, or twice daily tea, or five times a day tea…and more tea.

Yes, I am an addict. If it tastes sweet, I want it, and I crave more, and more, and more. So for my next experiment, I have stopped using the sweetener for the past six days, with the hope that being off of it will eventually stop my food cravings. So far I’ve observed that I’m not enjoying my tea as much, and the food cravings are still there. This is an awkward time.

What am I doing to stay abstinent? There’s no magic formula. I make outreach calls. I go to meetings. I talk with my sponsor, and with my sponsee. I ask my HP to let me be of service. I’m writing a guest blog. I pray a lot, asking my HP for relief from the cravings, asking for the gift of abstinence one minute at a time. So far, I continue to get the gift of imperfect abstinence, and I am grateful.

I wish I could say that the cravings are gone, but they are not yet. But the OA fellowship is here, meetings are here, the phone is here, and my HP is here. I am not alone. And for the moment, while writing this blog, the food is not on my back. I am grateful for that, for my HP, and for all of you who are on this journey with me.
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DJR - Guest Blogger - Oregon

This Thursday, many of us will celebrate a national holiday.  We will be inundated with images of people indulging in large of amounts of food.  For compulsive eaters, these images may invoke fantastical memories of the “sense of ease and comfort” which our disease remembers once came from that first compulsive bite.  Of course, we also know that this is an elusive and extremely short-lived sensation, quickly followed by guilt, shame and remorse.

Thank heavens we have the solution of the 12 Steps and a power greater than ourselves to grant us the ability to enjoy the holiday – or this Thursday – without slowly killing ourselves with food and eating behaviors from our past.

One way to support our recovery is to remember that although this Thursday is called “Thanksgiving,” another term for it might be a “Day of Gratitude.”  My family used to follow the corny tradition of going around the table and naming what we were grateful for.  For myself, I start my list with how grateful I am for the good food at my table and the fact that I don’t have to eat too much of it.  Then I add stuff like my family, my home and more. 

It is hard to feel sorry for myself that I don’t have the ability to eat food I shouldn’t when I am listing how grateful I am for the life I have now that I don’t practice my disease. 

What are you grateful for this week?
 
Lisa S. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger

​The holidays can easily morph into "holidaze" without careful thought. The slogans from our OA program can be just the tool we need to survive and thrive on those special days.

For example, a slogan I hear at meetings around Thanksgiving is “it is only Thursday.” I find this useful when I get carried away with obsessive thoughts about what I will serve or what I will eat. My distorted thinking gets me into this trap.  Where do I get the idea that a certain food can only be prepared at this certain time of year and because of that I need to eat as much of it as I can because after all I won’t get it again for another year?

“One day at a time” helps ease me through the holiday preparations. As I plan out what I will do in preparation each day before the holiday I don’t have to do it all in one or two days and end up too exhausted to even enjoy the festivities.

“This too shall pass” serves me well when holiday expectations far exceed their reality. Combined with “it’s just another day,” I have proven winners for this time of great expectations.

When tempted with holiday treats I can remember “nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels.” I can ask myself questions about what the consequences might be for eating a certain item.  For example, how would I feel physically if I ate it? Perhaps the answer would be sluggish or stuffed.  How would I feel emotionally? Perhaps guilty, shameful or defeated. How would I feel spiritually? Perhaps disconnected from my Higher Power as I had committed not to do this.

What slogan would help YOU through this time of year when in the month of December alone there are at least 14 different holidays? Add your thoughts in the comment section to encourage another compulsive eater.

Jan E. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger