“I wish someone would give me advice about my problems,” one person from our Fellowship shared after a meeting.  Although I stumbled for a minute, as I knew that cross-talk was not allowed, I started to think about her question more.
 
Then I realized that there are ways in OA that we give a great deal of advice:

• We advise depending on God’s guidance
• We recommend reading OA literature
• We suggest you attend several meetings to see the many ways OA can help you
• We suggest using our nine tools of recovery to help guide you
• We advise you that a sponsor is a very helpful person to have in your life
• We suggest spiritual ways to find a new perspective and a new strength

 
There is so much guidance offered and wisdom in taking these actions.  I think the thing is that I have to be the one taking the action instead of waiting for the right words or right person to “fix” me.  As it says in For Today on page 277 about looking elsewhere for peace:
 
“‘I would if I could, my friend, but – as it is for me – the problem is within.’  It is not the weather, the dog, the neighbor, my house, my spouse, or lack of spouse, my job or lack of one; it is within me.
 
For today: I am completely honest in taking stock of myself so I can learn why I feel as I do about myself.”
 
Now that’s some good advice!
 
Gratefully,
Nadine D. – Region One

Tradition Three says that the only requirement for membership in Overeaters Anonymous (OA) is the desire to stop eating compulsively. Tradition Four states that each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or OA as a whole. 

Have you noticed a recent trend toward special focus groups (groups which are specifically for members who share one trait)?  I believe that this is a wonderful thing, a finding of identity. Identity is the spiritual principle of Tradition Three.  Some of us, especially those who have been around OA for a long time, want everything to stay the same as it has always been.  But slowly, over time, we have allowed many things which we didn’t want to let into OA when the subject was first raised. I would much rather be an “elder statesman” than a “bleeding deacon” (or a “stick in the mud”).  I have been around OA for over forty years now, therefore I have a wealth of experience from which to draw perspective.  On the other hand, when I first came into OA, we did not worry about lots of things, and I like the “let them whirl” attitude of not correcting what others are doing.  I try to stay with correcting my own behaviors and attitudes rather than watching for what others are doing wrong.  It is not my job to be the OA Traditions police. 

Each OA group has the right to do things wrong.  One of my pet peeves is the practice of only reading one Tradition per week at meetings. However, that is NOT against Traditions and so I may grumble, but it is not my job as a Trustee to push my will on others. 

Tradition Four allows each meeting to have its own ways of doing things, unless it affects other groups or OA as a whole.   Both the OA and the AA “12x12” books (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous and The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous) have interesting anecdotes about experiences with these Traditions. 

One of the stories I enjoy in Tradition Three is about how early in AA, they were very afraid of losing their meetings and their sobriety.  They wanted to keep certain people out and only allow “pure and respectable alcoholics” in.  So, the General Service Office asked that each group to send in its list of “protective” regulations.  The total list of those to be excluded was huge: beggars, tramps, asylum inmates, prisoners, queers, plain crackpots, fallen women, atheists, and more. Those early AA members suddenly realized that if all those rules had been in effect everywhere, no one could possibly have joined AA!  They came to their senses and made the only requirement for membership the desire to stop drinking.

When I came into OA, I think there were some members who would have been very happy if I had gone away--I didn’t believe in the God that those sweet little ladies believed in, plus I had taken drugs and had sex.  But I did have the desire to stop eating compulsively.

These days, people seem to be asking for more special focus groups. Based on some of the experience above, I say let them do it.  It may be that some of those members can start their recovery journey in a special focus group and stay in OA to support all other compulsive eaters toward recovery.  I stayed, even though some people rolled their eyes when I shared, but they didn’t kick me out and I kept coming back until I too found recovery.

So, love and accept them all, even if they challenge your beliefs.  Accept their right to work OA their own way. 
​
Margie G. – Region One

Lately it has been hard for me to get to meetings.  I love being able to go to a meeting without leaving my house, but sometimes sitting at my computer paying attention for an hour feels like more than I can do, and there often seems to be something else that needs done instead.  But, I know from past experience that not wanting to go to meetings is a “red flag” for me.

One of the advantages of having been in these rooms for years is that people notice when you aren’t showing up as often.  I’m grateful for OA friends who have called to say they’ve missed seeing me, and who have sent text messages saying "I hope to see you at the noon meeting today!"  They’ve helped me get back to where I hear the things I need to hear.

At one such meeting, we read a wonderful story titled “Power of Meetings” (Taste of Lifeline, pages 70-73).   The author shared about her first meeting, which changed her life, and said that meetings continue to be a foundation of her recovery.  This got me thinking about my own first meeting and what meetings have meant to me.  I realized that although “meetings” is technically just ONE of our Tools, they incorporate most of the other Tools as well. 

I attended my first meeting in 1993.  There was only one other person there, but this man put out the sign, led the meeting, shared his phone number, gave me a Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), and reviewed the meeting directory with me.  That meeting got me started in OA and introduced me to literature and phone calls.  I also got to be honest about my crazy food and unmanageable life for the first time.  In 2021, I get to give back by helping ensure there is someone there to welcome others to their first meeting—on Zoom.

As I attended more meetings, I met my first sponsor.  That’s really the best place to meet sponsors, right?  When I started sponsoring others (my Step 12 foundation), I connected with those people because we were at the same meeting. Zoom meetings are where they keep the newcomers these days, and I’m grateful to be sponsoring two new people in the past year.

In my early days of program, when the “We Care” list went around the meeting, I wrote names and phone numbers inside the covers of my OA books.  Now my cell phone is chock-full of OA numbers…members I’ve met at both face-to-face and Zoom meetings.

I own just about every OA book published, but I certainly don’t read them all on my own.  On non-meeting days, I might not get around to reading at all.  We fumbled around a bit at first on Zoom, but meetings soon hit their stride and most have chosen one of our amazing, hope-filled books as their focus. 

My first service was setting out chairs at a face-to-face meeting.  Zoom meetings also need people to give service, and it is important for me to step up.  When I say yes to service in a Zoom meeting, it’s easier for me to stay present, and it’s good for me to know I am contributing to the well-being of the meeting.

Meetings are where I learned to listen and give other people my undivided attention, three minutes at a time, without giving advice.  It is a little harder in Zoom meetings, but I’ve found that leaving my video on helps me be accountable for being attentive, and taking notes helps if I'm having trouble staying focused.  When I do these things, I am much more likely to come away thinking “Wow! What a great meeting!”

These days, there are new voices sharing their stories of hope in our meetings—our “world-wide Fellowship” has become an everyday reality.  We’re connected in a way we were not before, and what a boon this must be for meetings in small towns everywhere!

Meetings have provided structure for me—an opportunity to “show up” on an ongoing basis.  I wasn’t happy to have the bottom fall out of that structure a year ago, but I am grateful we as a Fellowship made quick use of the tools at hand to make meetings available again.

I see my OA family at OA meetings.  As a person who (still!) has a tendency to drift toward isolation, the Fellowship is very important for me.  I need to show up and claim my seat (or at least my little square!) at meetings.  I am grateful to be able to do so.

See you on Zoom!  :)
 
​
Beverly M. – Region One 

In the back of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition) on page 563 is “The Long Form” of the Twelve Traditions.  This is how the Traditions first appeared in 1946.

The long form of the Twelfth Tradition starts on page 565:

“12.—And finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the principle of anonymity has an immense spiritual significance.  It reminds us that we are to place principles before personalities; that we are actually to practice a genuine humility.  This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.”

I really love this reading; it helps me remember that there is something bigger than me. Bigger than the conflict between me and that other person who wants us to do it her way instead of my way—the right way.  It makes me want to act like a saner and more giving person. 

Often in OA we get stuck on the idea that anonymity is about not using our names with public media.  That is one of the meanings of anonymity, but it is not the only meaning.

One of the synonyms of anonymity is “namelessness.”  That is why we do not put the names of speakers on OA event flyers or schedules.  The emphasis is on the topic rather than the person.  We do not put names of authors on OA literature either.  We say, “my sponsor told me….” rather than “Jean told me…”  When I say my sponsor says to read xxx; I might as well say the OA program says to read xxx.  That way I honor the process and the program, not one specific person.

I love doing service at a “high” level, but I try to stay humble about it because I have seen people get very wrapped up in being the person in charge or who is at the top.  In OA we only hold positions a short time and then we rotate on to other positions and allow someone else to fill the “top spot.”  Sometimes I have seen people gain weight after being in a top-level position.  I know that I have certain strengths, but I also have weaknesses and so do other people. I do not want to lose my abstinence after being in a high position.  I know that my recovery is worth far more to me than any OA service position. This “Long Form of the Twelfth Tradition” helps me stay right-sized.

Margie G. – Region One
  
 
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“But my darling, there’s no such thing as the light at the end of the tunnel, you must realize that you are the light.”  Anonymous
 
This always makes me feel so empowered.  It reminds me that I am in charge of my own recovery.
 
Light shines out of darkness.  When I first came to OA, I was in a very dark place.  I thought my problem was that I couldn’t stop eating at certain times. Over time I realized there was a much bigger reason why the food called to me.

• Selfishness in so needing your approval to feel ok about who I was.
• A tired, worn belief that my opinion didn’t matter.
• An obsession with body size and weight that took up way too much space in my head.

 
It was hard for me to shine when I kept dumping darkness on myself.
 
When I saw people recovering in the rooms of OA, the first thing I noticed was that they looked “lighter.”
 
Could it be that when we have hope, coupled with a faith that works for us and an honest desire, with courage to talk with a sponsor, that our load is lightened and it shows up on our face? It seems to me as we rid ourselves of the darkness, the lightness of our heart can begin to glow.
 
You know, light only has one purpose…to shine!

May you be a shining example of recovery this year and may your glow help light the way for others seeking the peace found in O.A.
 
Nadine D.- Region One

 
 
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Maybe it’s Covid, or the recent death of my dear sister-in-law, or taking on two service positions for the upcoming year, but I’ve been thinking a lot about Helen F. 

Helen was already a long-time member of OA when I joined in 1983.  She was one of the incorporators of our Intergroup in 1981, and I don’t think there was an intergroup position that she didn’t hold at one time or another.  Helen was all about service—with a capital S. 

​For years, she had a second telephone line in her home for the OA hot-line and never failed to take a call or return one, whether it was a newcomer or a current member who needed her. 

I remember one time, shopping at Costco and being totally overwhelmed by all the samples that demonstrators were urging me to try.  Like a beacon of light, I saw Helen and made a mad dash to get to her before she disappeared in the crowds.  That was Helen, an OA member who was calm and calming, a fount of OA knowledge and practical advice, a woman of great spiritual depth.  I could never count the number of times that Helen said “God will provide,” and he did, and I believed that he would because Helen said so. 

A member at a recent Intergroup meeting said that Service is gratitude in action.  I like that statement.  Helen was gratitude in action.  She gave her all for the Fellowship in sponsorship, meeting attendance, telephone outreach, taking on service positions—anything and everything that needed to be done. 

As Helen aged and was no longer able to give service, she still showed up at her committed meetings and Intergroup meetings.  Her calm, loving presence was Service. 

I still miss Helen, but am grateful for her and often when I’m feeling fear or anxiety and I open my mind for an intuitive thought, I can almost hear her voice telling me, “God will provide.”

 Paula Z. – Region One



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At a workshop we held with Snake River Intergroup last year, each participant placed a question about sponsorship in our "Ask-it Basket." Then each person chose a question at random from the basket, read it aloud and shared their own experience, strength and hope on the question.  Here are some of their great shares on sponsorship:

Q. How many sponsees is too many?

• It varies depending on your life circumstances.
• You want to have enough time to give them the attention they deserve.

Q. How much in-person vs over the phone/email/text works best? 

• Virtual sponsorship works if you work it.
• A mix is great if you are located in the same geographic area.
• I meet face to face once a week with my sponsor for a "walk and talk."
• I call my sponsor every morning at a set time for 15 minutes.
• My sponsor and I do a combo of texts and calls.

Q. What makes a sponsor a "tough" sponsor?

• Talking truth is important and it may be the first time someone has heard unvarnished truth.
• Setting clear guidelines and sticking to them is important.
• Asking hard questions.
• Asking "What are you willing to do TODAY for your recovery?"

Q. What do I do with someone who can't get abstinent?

• Ask the same question as above "What are you willing to do today for your recovery?"
• Nothing changes if nothing changes...
• Suggest:  Pray for willingness...ask for help...text me before that first compulsive bite...
• Use the Before You Take that First Compulsive Bite pamphlet as a writing exercise.
• Use the 12 Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous Step One questions.
• You can't want their recovery more than they do...

Q. What if I can't reach my sponsor?

• Develop your own OA support crew.
• Have the phone  number of members of your meetings.
• Call a newcomer.
• Listen to a podcast.
• Attend a phone meeting.
• Write a letter to your sponsor.

Here are more good questions about sponsorship:

• Should a sponsee always call me or can I call them?
• What is a binge? What is a slip versus a break in abstinence?
• When am I ready to sponsor? 
• How much time does sponsoring take?
• How can I find a sponsor?
• Why should I have a sponsor?  Why should I be a sponsor?

Feel free to share your answers to these questions in the comments.  Together we get better!  

Pat and Nadine - Region 1