In my disease, I could and still can even in recovery, find any reason to worry. "Diddie, don't go borrowing worry", mom used to say when I would worry about the thunder or the wind blowing over our 8 person single wide mobile home. The only way I could drown out the stormy Atlantic winds was to turn up the furnace. So I would do this 30 minutes at a time until I worried then I would turn the furnace down to zero in minus 40 degree Celsius. Family would wake up freezing. I borrowed worry as if it were money, and gambled on my life to get ways to fund it.
So I am finding myself borrowing worry again. I am under 3 weeks away from a skin removal surgery. A major risky surgery since I have sleep apnea and will regularly quit breathing in my sleep. Last time (2014/15) I was put under anesthesia (for 5 minutes only) I quit breathing. I haven't been under since. This time I am under for a long time. So am I borrowing worry? Heck yeah, I am not only borrowing it, I am stealing it. I am living on the edge of worry in all out life and death FEAR.
But because I have been 1658 days recovering and abstinent from compulsive eating, I am prepared. My fears brought on some 'not so wealthy and healthy behaviors' which I have since arrested every single one of them. They are all in my 'God Box' where they belong. I have the OA 9 tools which I am utilizing many or most of them.
Use the Tools in any way you can. They work if you use them. You already do more than you realize till you see them in action. Take Action.
Diane D
Technology Coordinator
So I am finding myself borrowing worry again. I am under 3 weeks away from a skin removal surgery. A major risky surgery since I have sleep apnea and will regularly quit breathing in my sleep. Last time (2014/15) I was put under anesthesia (for 5 minutes only) I quit breathing. I haven't been under since. This time I am under for a long time. So am I borrowing worry? Heck yeah, I am not only borrowing it, I am stealing it. I am living on the edge of worry in all out life and death FEAR.
But because I have been 1658 days recovering and abstinent from compulsive eating, I am prepared. My fears brought on some 'not so wealthy and healthy behaviors' which I have since arrested every single one of them. They are all in my 'God Box' where they belong. I have the OA 9 tools which I am utilizing many or most of them.
- Entering recovery, my Food Plan was far different than it is today. For two years I found a 'strict' I called it FP where I abstained completely from sugar and flour (like paid $9.00 for a 1 ml bottle of sugar free ketchup). Today I have a food plan where I avoid sugar and flour. I eat regular store bought ketchup. I abstain from compulsively eating and compulsive food behaviors and lean toward high protein with a heaping spoonful of superfoods like hemp hearts and chia seeds.
- I attend more Meetings to do service than to fuel my need to hear the message. An area I am striving to improve. I can isolate in business meetings. This is a Red Flag that I usually wave.
- I used my Telephone to send an outreach text to 5 of my friends who are mentors asking for help. Amazing response back.
- I am a published writer so Writing is the tool I find easiest to go to. I wish I could teach writing to those who find it difficult, because "the neat thing about putting 'thoughts-words-paper' (or messages in texts today) is that those nagging 'worry' thoughts are cemented outside you now."
- Hmmm Literature, not nearly enough. Daily readers? Only when I'm in crisis of imbalance in life. Approved or outside literature... well I google lots and read trustworthy literature from reputable sites (HINT: Anything with annoying ads and multi pop-ups - back out!).
- I am ready again for Sponsorship and I am hoping to connect with any new sponsees by using the loving, safe and comforting calmness I have when I meet with my sponsor. When I struggle to show up for me, I can always show up for others. And sponsorship ties into Service an area of service I would like to hone is sponsoring others. Now Service overall let's just say I live abstinent because of it.
- Anonymity - now this is where I am not just encouraged, but incensed to place principles before personalities and trust me this year I have met some challenges - God Box comes in Huge...
- I make lists as Action Plans. I work from guided lists like workbooks or homework. Lists like housework lists or getting to a doctor kinda lists take me rhythmically through my day.
Use the Tools in any way you can. They work if you use them. You already do more than you realize till you see them in action. Take Action.
Diane D
Technology Coordinator
