Sometimes it’s good for me to take a minute and think about what I really know about myself after all this time in OA. Am I really different? In all this “turning over” of my will, my life, my character defects (Steps 3 and 6). What does that actually mean for me?
Here’s an example: The discussion at a recent OA meeting was on “Amends we’ve made and how that affected us.” It prompted something within me about a possible amends I needed to make to a relative. Talking with my sponsor, I realized it wasn’t an amends I needed to make, but a hurt I needed to deal with. In dealing with that same hurt several years ago, this is what I did: “Wow, that hurt. I better let it go because there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be resentful.” Well, fast forward three years later and I’m crying over the same hurt. I really hadn’t turned anything over to my Higher Power. So, with the help of my sponsor, I wrote a letter to this person, who is now deceased. I acknowledged the hurt, and I also recognized all the good and blessings that person gave me. I asked God to remove my selfishness and my hanging onto thoughts that may not have been true. With this intentional act, came freedom. I am free of it!
I also had to be clear about what character defects I’m giving up. That makes more sense to me more than just saying, “take it away, God.”
So, what do I know? That my program is about surrender, action, and reliance upon my HP, who does for me what I cannot do for myself! It does take work, but I am worth the effort. My life is filled with peace by following these Steps. I know that I can live without confusion, resentment and fear if I keep connected to the source of my strength.
I am sure of it!
Nadine – Region 1
Here’s an example: The discussion at a recent OA meeting was on “Amends we’ve made and how that affected us.” It prompted something within me about a possible amends I needed to make to a relative. Talking with my sponsor, I realized it wasn’t an amends I needed to make, but a hurt I needed to deal with. In dealing with that same hurt several years ago, this is what I did: “Wow, that hurt. I better let it go because there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be resentful.” Well, fast forward three years later and I’m crying over the same hurt. I really hadn’t turned anything over to my Higher Power. So, with the help of my sponsor, I wrote a letter to this person, who is now deceased. I acknowledged the hurt, and I also recognized all the good and blessings that person gave me. I asked God to remove my selfishness and my hanging onto thoughts that may not have been true. With this intentional act, came freedom. I am free of it!
I also had to be clear about what character defects I’m giving up. That makes more sense to me more than just saying, “take it away, God.”
So, what do I know? That my program is about surrender, action, and reliance upon my HP, who does for me what I cannot do for myself! It does take work, but I am worth the effort. My life is filled with peace by following these Steps. I know that I can live without confusion, resentment and fear if I keep connected to the source of my strength.
I am sure of it!
Nadine – Region 1