​
I am blessed to have freedom from food obsession.  My recovery is such a miracle and I cherish every abstinent day as a true gift.  I work the steps.  I pick up the tools.  I do service.  And I am so grateful that I will never progress beyond being human. 
 
I wanted to write about something that has really been bugging me for over a year for our Board blog today.  If you know me, you know that much of my life outside of recovery is all about dogs!  What I’ve been struggling with is how I can make amends to my beloved dog Harlow that I lost last year.  I know Harlow doesn’t mind that relieved her from the suffering of cancer, but it’s been plaguing me.  It is not well with my soul.  The regret I feel from letting her go sooner, rather than later, is taking up too much space in a not good, unhealthy way in my being.  I need to write a blog for the Board, so why not write about this?  I am certain another member may benefit from my processing this out loud with our fellowship.
 
Harlow was never a healthy dog.  Back in 2010, I was her fifth home in her first seven months of life.  She was a difficult dog to say the least.  It took her a year to trust me fully, no matter how many times I tried to show her and tell her that she had won the lottery when I found her.  Harlow had found her home with me, and she was never going to need to find another.  The year before I had to put her down, she was very sick with a horrible skin infection.  I tried many different treatments, and finally found one that worked, but she was probably sick ten out of the twelve months in 2020. 
 
Nevertheless, even with her history, it was a terrible surprise to come home from a wonderful birthday trip to find her not being able to get up.  She seemed to be in a great deal of pain internally when we tried to assist her.  After many hours we managed to get her in to the veterinarian, many tests were run and then we had to wait for results.  The next day, although wobbly, she was able to get up, and able to walk.  She was on some pretty heavy-duty medications and they seemed to be working.
 
When the test results showed she had cancer, because of this wonderful Fellowship and program, I could handle such devastating news with dignity and grace.  I asked my Higher Power, and all of you, to help me to accept this horrible thing that I could not change.  My husband and I discussed for days at length our options, my concerns, and most importantly, what we felt was best for Harlow.
 
This blog is not about the loss of my beloved pet.  It’s about how our program helps us in life because it’s been my experience, even in recovery, life keeps happening!  And I need help with all of life’s happenings if I am to stay abstinent and in recovery.  I gladly live life differently, on life’s terms, and not on my self will run riot.  Before recovery life’s happenings were unmanageable.  The only coping mechanism I had was to overeat, eat compulsively, bite off people’s heads, and be just a miserable person to be around.  I made the decision to let Harlow go because I could not stand to watch her suffer.  Whatever cancer she had was eating her sustenance as she was wasting away quickly right before our eyes no matter how much food I gave her.  She was ravenous and eating constantly but losing what seemed to be at least a pound a day.  I couldn’t have my sweet girl suffer, and honestly, I was afraid I would be alone, too, the next time she couldn’t get up.
 
When I finally noticed just how much I was very NOT at peace, even a year after she was gone, I could finally hear my Higher Power suggesting that I work this out so that I can be free from the bondage of regret.  It did not matter that every other person who knew Harlow told me I did the right thing by letting her go.  My addict brain keeps telling me that I was a coward.  That I chose the easy way out for me.  I should have taken better care of her and let her stay longer.  My dis-ease is alive and well and wants to hold me hostage in the bondage of regret. 
 
My recovery is strong, my Higher Power is stronger, and I have tools to combat the negative self-talk.  I can share this struggle at meetings.  I can work this out in the steps.  I can discuss this with my sponsor, and my counselor.  I can write a blog about it.  When I use the tools of our program, this lie loses its power, until I can sit in the truth.  The truth is, I loved my girl Harlow.  I am not a coward.  I am brave and I found the courage to do the hard, right thing.  I cry now as I sit here and type this, and I can feel the love, understanding and peace of our program growing in me, one day at a time.
 
Thanks for letting me share. 

Laurie A. - Region One

​As I sit here pondering what my experience, strength and hope looks like today it occurs to me that my recovery has come in increments. If I look at just today or yesterday it might not seem like much to my mind – a mind that miraculously has so much more room to ponder and to reflect than ever before. Because before I walked into OA I only had time to worry, dread and avoid the past, present and future - by binge eating, watching tv, and making commitments I couldn’t keep. I was stuck in that same cycle day in and day out due the shame and guilt of not being able to show up for life the way I thought I saw other people doing it – with ease and joy. How did they do it?

What I’ve learned is that I am a sugar addict - my drug is sugar. I have a physical allergy and a mental obsession that no amount of willpower can remedy. If I could have, I would have – I’ve heard and said that many times over the years. Oh! But what I would have missed out on….

My experience with God has evolved steadily over the years, but often in fits and starts, bits and pieces, sometimes with great joy and other times half-heartedly – wondering if I’m on the right path. I’ve come to learn I’m a seeker; and with that comes the ups and downs of letting go of old thoughts and ideas and trying on new ones. My concept of God has evolved and continues to evolve from an entity outside of me to that still, small voice I’ve come to know is my intuition. My intuition was always something I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t trust. Hadn’t it always told me food was the answer?

What I’ve learned is that I wasn’t hearing that still, small voice but the part of my brain that only knew how to handle life with sugar and bingeing. It was always so loud! How could hear anything else? I’d never learned how to listen.

When I started working the steps in the Big Book with a sponsor I describe it as learning how to grow up and become an adult – an adult I could rely on. I learned how to show up, tell the truth and not step all over people to get what I needed. I learned how to ask for help and be of service. All I wanted when I showed up was to be thin and have you like me. I had no idea how little I was asking. The gift of growing up has been miraculous.  Little by slowly I’m being guided by God, our steps, traditions and principles and the recovery I see every day in our fellowship.

Recovery has been of the educational variety for me – I consider myself a seeker of spiritual growth. The deeper my connection with my HP – the more easeful and relaxed my recovery becomes every day.  

Erin F. - Region One

This Thursday, many of us will celebrate a national holiday.  We will be inundated with images of people indulging in large of amounts of food.  For compulsive eaters, these images may invoke fantastical memories of the “sense of ease and comfort” which our disease remembers once came from that first compulsive bite.  Of course, we also know that this is an elusive and extremely short-lived sensation, quickly followed by guilt, shame and remorse.

Thank heavens we have the solution of the 12 Steps and a power greater than ourselves to grant us the ability to enjoy the holiday – or this Thursday – without slowly killing ourselves with food and eating behaviors from our past.

One way to support our recovery is to remember that although this Thursday is called “Thanksgiving,” another term for it might be a “Day of Gratitude.”  My family used to follow the corny tradition of going around the table and naming what we were grateful for.  For myself, I start my list with how grateful I am for the good food at my table and the fact that I don’t have to eat too much of it.  Then I add stuff like my family, my home and more. 

It is hard to feel sorry for myself that I don’t have the ability to eat food I shouldn’t when I am listing how grateful I am for the life I have now that I don’t practice my disease. 

What are you grateful for this week?
 
Lisa S. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger

​The holidays can easily morph into "holidaze" without careful thought. The slogans from our OA program can be just the tool we need to survive and thrive on those special days.

For example, a slogan I hear at meetings around Thanksgiving is “it is only Thursday.” I find this useful when I get carried away with obsessive thoughts about what I will serve or what I will eat. My distorted thinking gets me into this trap.  Where do I get the idea that a certain food can only be prepared at this certain time of year and because of that I need to eat as much of it as I can because after all I won’t get it again for another year?

“One day at a time” helps ease me through the holiday preparations. As I plan out what I will do in preparation each day before the holiday I don’t have to do it all in one or two days and end up too exhausted to even enjoy the festivities.

“This too shall pass” serves me well when holiday expectations far exceed their reality. Combined with “it’s just another day,” I have proven winners for this time of great expectations.

When tempted with holiday treats I can remember “nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels.” I can ask myself questions about what the consequences might be for eating a certain item.  For example, how would I feel physically if I ate it? Perhaps the answer would be sluggish or stuffed.  How would I feel emotionally? Perhaps guilty, shameful or defeated. How would I feel spiritually? Perhaps disconnected from my Higher Power as I had committed not to do this.

What slogan would help YOU through this time of year when in the month of December alone there are at least 14 different holidays? Add your thoughts in the comment section to encourage another compulsive eater.

Jan E. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger

In Step One of the OA 12&12 (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous) it talks about believing my weight was the cause of my chronic unhappiness. I wrote in the margin of the book, “My chronic unhappiness is the cause of my obesity.” That was so very true when I first came to the program ten years ago. It took coming to OA and working the steps for me to uncover the driving forces behind my compulsive eating. I'm now grateful for my fat because it brought me here with enough desperation to be willing to go to any lengths to lose the weight – and so I have, in large measure.

I no longer carry the weight of trying to please everyone, I'm free of the heavy burden of feeling I am a failure, I've dropped the pounds of shame and resentment I always carried on my back, and have lost the ton of guilt over my angry outbursts.  I still have some hefty, emotional luggage I'm carrying around, but a huge weight has been removed from my daily living. I do feel the Sunshine of the Spirit bathing me in light and lightness.

When I concentrated on my size and weight I was unable to stop eating.  Now, as long as I stay within my Higher Power's will, my eating is for fuel and pleasure and I can leave the results up to the one who carries the weight of my whole life in his strong arms.


Mollie R., Idaho – Guest Blogger

​I am sitting here wondering why guilt wants to follow me around like a lost puppy!

This guilt, this shame, over things I should have done better, or didn’t do, or something I said, or didn’t say. 

How in the world did it sneak into my brain again?  Just when I was feeling pretty good about myself and my recovery.

I know my Higher Power, God, isn’t asking for perfection.  But why can’t I just give myself a “B” and move on some days?  Why are some of the most disparaging thoughts about who I am, seem to be on instant replay in my mind?

Well, that’s when I am reminded to go back to what I know works in my recovery.  Back to the basics. It’s a great reminder that I need to lean into my Higher Power and focus on what is true.  That is why I absolutely love the reading on January 19 in For Today:

“I have never seen a person grow or change in a constructive direction when motivated by guilt, shame and/or hate.”     William Goldberg

So for today:  "I let no one--including myself--try to shame me into changing something about myself I wish were different.  I pray to be relieved of guilt and self-hate, and to accept and like myself exactly as I am.  That is where I can begin to change.”  For Today, page 19.

Now that is a prayer I’m going to attach to that lost puppy dog of guilt to overshadow whatever else it wants to bark at me.  Thank you God for the truth that sets me free!

Nadine - Region 1

Rather than focus on the uncertainty we are all facing, I have tried to find the small blessings in these days of Covid quarantine. One major, unexpected blessing is the extended fellowship I have found by attending
the many Zoom meetings that are only available due to the quarantine.
 
One of these meetings offers members time to read affirmations and I wanted to pass these along to all of you.
 
When I first came into program, my sponsor had me look at myself in the mirror and say affirmations out loud to my reflection. This practice has helped me tremendously with self-acceptance. I hope this daily practice will help you too.
 
Alice W. - Region 1
 
AFFIRMATIONS*
 
BODY

• I can leave my body up to my higher power.
• I love _________ (name a part of your body.)
• My body is exactly the way it should be today.
• I refrain from abusing my body.
• My body has its own strength and grace.
• My body is beautiful and I will love and nurture it.
• My smile accentuates the beauty of my face.
• I enjoy feeling myself in my body.
• I accept and love my feminine aspects.
• My weight does not matter for today.
• I will not starve just for today.
• My higher power would not expect me to get less than I deserve in food, exercise, and other forms of body care.

 
SELF

• I am learning to refrain from self-criticism.
• I can depend on my higher power to help me with self-esteem.
• I accept and embrace myself.
• I have been blessed with many talents.
• I choose to look at the beauty life has to offer.
• I am full of joy and happiness.
• I am worthy and deserving of care and attention.
• I am a caring person and loved by many.
• I embrace change effortlessly.
• I can use the steps to rid myself of guilt and self-abuse.
• I accept my emotions and allow them creative expression.
• I am free to be a creative joyful being.
• My life force flows in balance with all things.
• I claim the deepest wisdom of my being.
• My higher power would not expect me to get less than I deserve in self-love and self-care.

 
SEX & RELATED ISSUES

• I bless and celebrate the feminine way of being.
• I give only when my cup overflows.
• I release sexual guilt and celebrate my sexuality.
• I do not fake my sexual responses.
• I own my sexuality.
• I own my body.
• I have healthy sexual boundaries.
• I can depend on my higher power to help with my sexual boundaries.

 
*These affirmations are from a Women's Self, Sexuality, & Body Issues OA meeting. Feel free to change any wording to suit your situation.