​Before I came into OA, I had no hope.  I also had no self-esteem, no self-worth, nor any real purpose or drive.  I had no idea I had a disease or that I was a compulsive eater.  I loved learning why I couldn’t “will” myself to be different.  I have loved learning to develop a power greater than myself that helps me to have freedom from food compulsion.  I rely on this power, who I choose to call my Higher Power, to get me through each day in a way so much different than I could have ever imagined. 
 
I often say at meetings that what keeps me coming back is all these character defects. I am never going to get over them, and I need to use all the tools every day to manage them.  But I’ve learned that’s not entirely true.  I keep coming back because in our fellowship is where I have hope.  Every day, going to meetings, picking up our literature, developing my food plan, doing my nightly inventory--these are the things my hope is derived from.  I know now that if I do today what I did yesterday I will continue to stay abstinent and continue to like myself.  Abstinence is the root of my recovery.  Without it, I am running on self-will run riot.  I am miserable and afraid and hopeless.
 
I keep coming back because I have hope to keep getting better.  I have hope to NOT rely on those nasty character defects to get me through situations, but to rely fully on a power greater than myself to get me through everything.  And if I need an audible connection, I have hope that I’ll make a reach-out call and allow my Higher Power to speak through you, one of my amazing fellows.
 
Hope has inspired me to be of service.  Carrying the message of recovery, working with rescue dogs and their organizations, and volunteering to help protect our public lands and waters is very rewarding, uplifting and energizing.  You could say that being of service has built up my self-esteem.  Being of service, believe it or not, has also taught me self-care.  Or was that my Higher Power...? 😊
 
Being kind and tolerant of those I don’t agree with is a miracle of our program.  I have experience and hope that when I work with my Higher Power, I can accept people, places and things I could never have imagined.  It feels good to be kind in those difficult moments.  I have hope that I will grow in those moments!  All I need to do is to rely on a power greater than myself. 
 
One of my favorite things I've learned recently is that if I stay in the hope, I stay out of the fear.  Much in the same way that if I stay in the gratitude, I stay out of the negative thoughts.  I have hope that I can choose recovery.  And when I am weak, I have you all, always.  You are all just a phone call or text away.  I know you will listen.  I have hope you’ll understand.  I am amazed at the love and peace I can find in our program and in our fellowship.
 
This hope isn’t a flimsy reed.  From the Big Book (page 28) “What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, 'a design for living' that really works.”  

​I am willing to go to any lengths to keep this hope, my abstinence and sanity.  Oh gosh, the sanity, that’s a whole other blog!  My recovery gives me hope and let that be the message I carry today and always.  There is hope for the still suffering compulsive overeater.  It works, if we work it, and we’re worth it!
 
Thanks for reading and allowing me to be of service.  Much love to you.
 
Laurie A. - Region One

​The holidays can easily morph into "holidaze" without careful thought. The slogans from our OA program can be just the tool we need to survive and thrive on those special days.

For example, a slogan I hear at meetings around Thanksgiving is “it is only Thursday.” I find this useful when I get carried away with obsessive thoughts about what I will serve or what I will eat. My distorted thinking gets me into this trap.  Where do I get the idea that a certain food can only be prepared at this certain time of year and because of that I need to eat as much of it as I can because after all I won’t get it again for another year?

“One day at a time” helps ease me through the holiday preparations. As I plan out what I will do in preparation each day before the holiday I don’t have to do it all in one or two days and end up too exhausted to even enjoy the festivities.

“This too shall pass” serves me well when holiday expectations far exceed their reality. Combined with “it’s just another day,” I have proven winners for this time of great expectations.

When tempted with holiday treats I can remember “nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels.” I can ask myself questions about what the consequences might be for eating a certain item.  For example, how would I feel physically if I ate it? Perhaps the answer would be sluggish or stuffed.  How would I feel emotionally? Perhaps guilty, shameful or defeated. How would I feel spiritually? Perhaps disconnected from my Higher Power as I had committed not to do this.

What slogan would help YOU through this time of year when in the month of December alone there are at least 14 different holidays? Add your thoughts in the comment section to encourage another compulsive eater.

Jan E. - Oregon Intergroup
Guest Blogger

Thank you for my recovery. I owe my life to you, the twelve-step program of Overeaters Anonymous, and my Higher Power.

I thank my Higher Power every day for this amazing life that has unfolded before me. I thank the program by working the steps, practicing these principles in all of my affairs and stepping up for service whenever I hear the soft whisper of my Higher Power.

It first started as my heart pounding during a meeting, which my sponsor said was HP prompting me to share. Then no one was willing to take the key for the meeting that I desperately needed. (Remember when we all met in person?) That was HP creating the willingness to do a little bit more. Thank you for being the kind and loving sponsor that my HP knew I needed to work the Steps.
 
HP spoke through a newcomer who saw something in me that she wanted, so I started to sponsor. I was slowly led to take on more and more responsibility with each new service opportunity. HP used all of you to show me that I am someone who is trustworthy and to challenge me to grow.
 
Thank you for showing up. Thank you for greeting me at the door as if I was a dear friend and asking me my name. Thank you for asking me to read the promises from the Big Book, a reading that I had never heard before that touched my heart as if it was written just for me. Thank you for asking me to make coffee and heat the water for tea.

Thank you for taking the time to tell me to be gentle with myself after I shared about a disappointing misstep. Thank you for calling me when I stopped showing up to my regular meeting. Thank you for asking me to speak at your meeting. Thank you for asking me to be your sponsor. Thank you for asking me to represent our meeting at Intergroup. Thank you for attending Intergroup! And Region One Assembly. And WSBC.
 
Thank you – all of you – for loving me until I could love myself; for believing in my abilities when I thought I had none. For sticking with me when I was sure my way was the path I needed to be on. I would not be alive today if you had not been in my life.

​When you chose to attend the meeting instead of isolating, you helped me. When you made that outreach call, you helped me. When you planned that OA event, you furthered my recovery. When you shared your heart and your truth, you helped me open my heart and speak my truth. When you showed me your imperfections, you gave me the courage to share mine and know that I am still loved.
 
I have no doubt whatsoever that OA saved my life. This fellowship. Each and every one of you, regardless of where you are in your own recovery journey, have the power to save a life. Thank you for saving mine.
 
Alice W. - Region One

One of my favorite quotes from our OA 12x12 (page 21) is:  “We ask, and we receive, first the willingness, and then the ability.” 
 
Willingness is the spiritual principle of Step 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” However, when researching the word willingness, it is found mostly in the third step.  In the AA 12x12 eight quotes are listed for Step Three and only one for Step Six.

Step Three embodies all the steps and as it says in the AA 12x12 on page 5, “Willingness is the key.”  When I am seeking to let go of a character defect, I must be willing to admit my powerlessness, and I must be willing to go to any lengths.
 
In Voices of Recovery there are 21 meditations that mention willingness; 13 in For Today; the Big Book has 11.
 
I have seen willingness work.  It is like the loom for the wool.  The steps don’t work for me unless I am willing.  One important thing for  me to remember is the adage: “act as if.” I had to be willing to do what I heard in meetings, even if I thought it wouldn’t work. 
 
I was willing to leave the room and pray when the craving was unbearable.  I would think, “I’ll do it, but THEN I’ll come back and eat it!” But the act of leaving the room and praying took the craving away!  I’d say, “Well just for today I won’t eat that, but tomorrow I WILL.” But tomorrow I didn’t want to because I felt the freedom and self-acceptance abstinence brings.
 
Today I am willing to take that next step in recovery.  I am willing to let go of fear and self-doubt.  Every step so far has granted me more serenity, courage, and wisdom.      
 
Higher Power, I am willing.
 
Lesley – Region One        

In Step One of the OA 12&12 (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous) it talks about believing my weight was the cause of my chronic unhappiness. I wrote in the margin of the book, “My chronic unhappiness is the cause of my obesity.” That was so very true when I first came to the program ten years ago. It took coming to OA and working the steps for me to uncover the driving forces behind my compulsive eating. I'm now grateful for my fat because it brought me here with enough desperation to be willing to go to any lengths to lose the weight – and so I have, in large measure.

I no longer carry the weight of trying to please everyone, I'm free of the heavy burden of feeling I am a failure, I've dropped the pounds of shame and resentment I always carried on my back, and have lost the ton of guilt over my angry outbursts.  I still have some hefty, emotional luggage I'm carrying around, but a huge weight has been removed from my daily living. I do feel the Sunshine of the Spirit bathing me in light and lightness.

When I concentrated on my size and weight I was unable to stop eating.  Now, as long as I stay within my Higher Power's will, my eating is for fuel and pleasure and I can leave the results up to the one who carries the weight of my whole life in his strong arms.


Mollie R., Idaho – Guest Blogger

When I was a child, the adults in my life let me down so many times that I stopped trusting them. All of them. I always believed in God, in a power that guides us and wants what's best for us, but each time another imperfect human betrayed me or hurt me, I was sure it was because I must have done something to cause God to turn his back on me. It seemed that no matter what I did, I could not win God's favor.
 
By the time I found program, I was suicidal. I had spent so many years using my eating disorder to keep my feelings at bay, while working endlessly to prove my worth and earn my place in the world. I was exhausted. I could not keep doing what I was doing, but I did not know any other way to live; I was out of ideas. The darkness began to envelop me. I could see only one way to stop the pain. Then something miraculous happened—a small voice inside told me not to give up, and I somehow found the courage to reach out for help.
 
I was in the hospital for only ten days, but those ten days saved my life. It was there that I learned about the Twelve Steps and about Overeaters Anonymous. I attended my first meeting. Something began to shift. A door that had been slammed shut began to open. I began to see that my Higher Power had been with me through everything, putting people in my life when I needed them. I had been too hurt and too afraid to accept the help that was offered.
 
I wish I could tell you that I got a sponsor right away and worked the steps. That is not my story. After I left the hospital, a year and a half passed before I found myself in my second OA meeting, and then it took me two years to ask someone to be my sponsor. She had what I wanted and I was ready to go to any lengths to get what she had. She was calm and serene. Even when life was throwing lemons at her, she trusted her Higher Power completely. When things didn't go "her way," she didn't run from her feelings. She felt them, felt compassion for herself. She got quiet, asked for guidance, and did the footwork. She looked for her part, and trusted her Higher Power to walk with her as she took the next correct action. I wanted what she had and I was willing to risk trusting someone other than myself. As we worked through the steps, my trust in her grew, as did my trust in my Higher Power.
 
OA gave me so many opportunities to trust my fellows and to let go of expectations. I practiced in these rooms, and then in all of my affairs.  Before OA, I saw people with a fearful heart; now I see people with a kind and loving heart.
 
I found a solution in the Twelve Steps and I surrendered to my Higher Power with complete abandon. I did the work and learned to trust the world again. My heart is open and I know with my entire being that my life does not need to be justified. Or earned. It is a true miracle and I am grateful every day.
 
I celebrated 25 years of freedom from bulimia this year. The road has been long and winding, yet I do not regret what I had to face, or the process, with the loving guidance of my Higher Power, because today I feel more joy and more happy days than I ever dreamed possible. All because I chose to take a chance and dare to trust again.

​If you are afraid, OA is here for you. We can help you learn to trust again. All you have to do is find the courage to ask.
 
Alice W. – Region One

Our Eleventh Step talks about prayer and meditation. Meditation continues to be a struggle for me. In many practices, one of the first instructions is to close your eyes. Because of my childhood trauma, the idea of closing my eyes doesn’t feel safe for me right now. I feel too exposed. Too vulnerable. I used to use this truth as a weapon against myself. “You think you’re recovered? You can’t even sit with your eyes closed. What kind of an example is that?!” the vicious voice of my disease chimes in at every opportunity.
 
It’s important to note that through working the Twelve Steps with a sponsor, and some outside help, I have experienced recovery beyond my wildest dreams. For the most part, I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I believe in my heart that my experiences can benefit others. I know a new freedom and happiness. I feel useful and I am confident in my abilities. I have talents to share.   So where is my freedom from fear of other people?
 
Program has taught me to accept myself unconditionally. I love and accept my body – a miracle for someone who has tried to starve herself to maintain someone else’s unattainable ideal. I love who I am as a person, another miracle for someone who did not believe she was worth the space she took up in the world. And, I have a self-preservation skill that, so far, I am unable to, and may never be able to, let go of. I have a strong connection to my Higher Power. I know with all of my being that HP is with me 24/7, showing me grace and direction. And still, my instinct, when I try to close my eyes to meditate, is to recoil as if from a hot flame. The miracle here is that I am not a lesser person because of it. I accept it, refuse to let the voice of my disease define me, and remain open to other ways to quiet my mind so I can hear HP’s will for me. Because that is what meditation is all about – strengthening our connection with a power greater than ourselves. How we get there doesn’t matter.
 
So, how do I meditate? I go for a walk. Because of my past, it took a lot of work to be able to walk by myself. I stay vigilant, and present, paying attention to everything that is happening around me. As I do, something amazing happens: my mind begins to clear and I hear and feel an amazing inner silence. An overwhelming sense of peace. I feel safe. And in that safety, a thought materializes that leads me to my next action. A plan forms and I can visualize the path ahead. Random thoughts start to connect and form a coherent picture in my head. As I embrace whatever was just revealed to me, I feel a deep sense of joy.
 
Does this happen every time I walk? Not hardly. As anyone with a meditation practice will tell you, reaching the stillness is not always possible every time you sit. But when it does happen, it is profound and I feel an unbreakable bond with my Higher Power.
 
When I am not able to walk and I am feeling restless, irritable and discontent, I have learned to doodle. I sit at my desk or dining room table with a blank piece of paper. In the middle of the paper I write a word. One that calls to me in the moment. Examples include Peace, Beauty, Loneliness or Heartbreak. I draw a circle or box around the word, and I start to create patterns. The patterns flow easily out of me and onto the paper as I concentrate on the word in the center. The goal again is to quiet the stories I am telling myself and find a calmness to replace the restlessness. I open my heart to HP’s message for me. If I can’t seem to find the flow, I surrender to the process and release each self-judgment as it appears. Like any new skill, it took some practice to let go of my expectations and be present during the doodle meditation.
 
The point is that however we choose to quiet our minds and open our heart to a power greater than ourselves, the only way we can do it wrong is to not do it at all.
 
Alice W. – Region One