At a recent workshop, I was reminded that the world is full of different body shapes and sizes, and that in our fellowship, abstinence is as varied as the ways we each act out our compulsive food behaviors. What keeps me sane can be the downfall of another. The fact that we can each define our own abstinence is one of the miracles of the program. Since we all act out our addiction in different ways, what works to free us from our compulsion will also look a little different for each of us.
 
Many of us would agree that what one person defines as "sober" eating can send another into relapse. So why do we not share the same sentiment when it comes to body size? Why do we judge those as "not abstinent" when their size does not match our personal vision of physical recovery?
 
As an anorexic/bulimic and over exerciser, I was brutal to my body, trying to get it to stay at a size that I had decided was "right-sized." In recovery, I found that I had a very hard time letting go of what physical recovery looked like for me. What program has taught me, through working the Twelve Steps, is that this is a program of action. I do the footwork and leave the results to my Higher Power. And that includes my physical recovery. My abstinence is sober eating, which to me means putting food in its proper place. I feed my body the nutrition it needs to be healthy so I can do HP's will for me as I walk through my day. Sober eating also means that I do not use food or compulsive food behaviors to avoid my emotions or escape from life. I live life on life's terms. And I leave the results to HP. I trust my Higher Power to take care of the size of my body - the one that I was born with. Not the one I tortured myself to try to obtain. Freedom from the obsession includes letting go of my vision of what a right-sized, abstinent body looks like. The size of my clothes or the number on the scale does not matter. If I am eating a sober meal plan, then I am abstinent.
 
When I came into program, one of my core beliefs was that the size of my body determined my value to the world. What program has taught me through my step work is that the size of my body does not reflect my worth to this world, and neither does it define the depth of my recovery. My value to the world is based on HP's will for me: to be of service to others. Program promises me freedom from food obsession, and a life of usefulness. It does not promise to make me a certain size or shape.
 
Love and tolerance is our code. (I prefer love and acceptance, myself.) Love and acceptance includes our own bodies, as well as those of our fellows, regardless of shape or size.
 
Alice W. – Region 1 

In one of my meetings there is a woman who has been abstinent for over forty years. She often shares that “It is my job today to practice the Spiritual Principles of the OA program.”  
 
Step One – the Spiritual Principle is Honesty.  One of the definitions of honesty is "adherence to the facts" or "sincerity."    This seems like the perfect spiritual principle for Step One to me.   To truly understand that I am powerless over food and my life is unmanageable, I needed to be honest with myself about my life. 

To be honest, I do not think I really believed Step One when I arrived in OA.  I came to OA after being in another 12 Step program for almost a year.  I could understand and believe Step Two – Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.   I had seen that step work for members of the other program.  So, when someone there mentioned OA to me in reference to my overeating, I was immediately interested in finding out more about the OA program. 
 
But I do not really think I took Step One for several years after I started coming to OA meetings.  I certainly did not get abstinent consistently until I had been in OA for about eight years. 

The bottom came after I had been living up near Mt. Hood, outside of Portland, Oregon, for about a year.  During the summer while I worked at a camp for handicapped children, I had been wonderfully abstinent.  It felt easy to be abstinent – I just ate the three meals per day they served in the dining hall, no sugar and no wheat and NO snacking. 

​Then, at the mid-summer OA retreat, I realized I really needed to be close to the OA program and to OA people to stay abstinent during the rest of the year.  I could NOT do this by myself; I was powerless over the food.  I decided I needed to move back to Portland, where there were more meetings and more OA people around me.  I could not do my life by myself.  I had to be honest with myself and with other people.  That is when my first abstinence started. 
 
Margie - Region 1

“Repetition is the only form of permanence the nature can achieve.”  Voices of Recovery, April 2
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I read this with a sponsee this morning.  The reading talks about the loss of HOPE, and how hard doing all those little things that recovery requires seems when you don’t have hope that anything will get better.  And how freeing those little things can become when you do have hope.  The quote itself reminds me that I need to keep doing those little things when they seem easy and when they seem hard. 

I have been in OA for over 40 years, but I have only 18 years of abstinence.  I have had years and years of up and down abstinence and relapse.  I always believed that the OA program worked and therefore I never left.  But I was sometimes convinced that I would never be able to turn to my HP enough to maintain those little actions on an ongoing basis.  I kept hoping that I could get away with not doing all that work.  Hoping that the extra food I put in my mouth wouldn’t be a problem...but it always made things worse and never better. 

I never stopped going to meetings and I kept trying to gain enough of that “secret” thing that would make the difference to keep me abstinent.  And I tried to keep doing those little things that I knew made things better-- writing, doing 12 Steps, working with a sponsor, making calls, writing down my food. 

Then one day a smart-a** newcomer arrived.  She got into program quickly and started sponsoring a bunch of people.  One day she asked me “Margie, when are you going to get abstinent?”  I realized that even though I didn’t really like her program (she was very focused on weight loss) she was actually doing MUCH better than I was.  So, I was willing to have her temporarily sponsor me.  I said, “I am willing to do everything that you are doing today. I may not be willing to do it tomorrow, but I am willing today!” And I did that.

I was not willing to do it her way for very long--maybe a month.  It was enough to get me started.  I have continued to do those little things that keep me grounded even in this strange time of isolation.

These days, I am very grateful for virtual meetings via various video apps and for phone calls.  I am grateful for walks with my dog and sunshine and spring flowers.  I am grateful for three meals a day with nothing in-between, day after day.  I am grateful for my quiet time in the mornings and my sponsor who is willing to take phone calls five days a week; I normally only call once weekly.  I started doing meditation about two years ago and it is vital to me now. I am very grateful that I don’t HAVE to do things rigidly or perfectly.

As I repeatedly do things they have become a permanent part of me and my recovery.

Margie - Region 1