Sometimes it’s good for me to take a minute and think about what I really know about myself after all this time in OA.  Am I really different?  In all this “turning over” of my will, my life, my character defects (Steps 3 and 6). What does that actually mean for me?
 
Here’s an example:  The discussion at a recent OA meeting was on “Amends we’ve made and how that affected us.”  It prompted something within me about a possible amends I needed to make to a relative. Talking with my sponsor, I realized it wasn’t an amends I needed to make, but a hurt I needed to deal with.  In dealing with that same hurt several years ago, this is what I did: “Wow, that hurt.  I better let it go because there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be resentful.”  Well, fast forward three years later and I’m crying over the same hurt.  I really hadn’t turned anything over to my Higher Power.  So, with the help of my sponsor, I wrote a letter to this person, who is now deceased.  I acknowledged the hurt, and I also recognized all the good and blessings that person gave me.  I asked God to remove my selfishness and my hanging onto thoughts that may not have been true. With this intentional act, came freedom.  I am free of it!
 
I also had to be clear about what character defects I’m giving up. That makes more sense to me more than just saying, “take it away, God.”
 
So, what do I know?  That my program is about surrender, action, and reliance upon my HP, who does for me what I cannot do for myself!  It does take work, but I am worth the effort.  My life is filled with peace by following these Steps. I know that I can live without confusion, resentment and fear if I keep connected to the source of my strength.
 
I am sure of it!
 
Nadine – Region 1

Sometimes, when I've read the Promises around step nine (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 83-84) I've gotten hung up where it reads, "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others."

I started having an internal dialogue about "how far down the scale" not really being applicable to overeaters, because clearly, we care much more about how far up the scale we had gone. I used to want to read it in my meetings as up-the-scale, until a few weeks ago.

Then, when someone else was reading the Promises, HP helped me set aside what I thought I knew for an open mind and a new experience. That day, I heard it with a completely different perspective; no matter how far down, Yes! Down!, we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

Maybe now more than ever, our experiences as we go down the scale are the most relevant for our fellows to hear. These are the stories that bring hope.

Nowadays, I can now see how it applies either way, and I have the tiniest smile when I hear the Promises. My heart and mind feel more open, and I am comforted in continually finding new meaning in old words. I share my experiences in the hope others will benefit. If there is the slightest chance they can avoid my mistakes, I'm happy to bare my soul, or describe how I climbed out of the hell in my head by following a few simple steps, turning my control issues over to HP, and going to meetings.

In Service to the Good of OA,

Avi R. - Region 1