In Step One of the OA 12&12 (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous) it talks about believing my weight was the cause of my chronic unhappiness. I wrote in the margin of the book, “My chronic unhappiness is the cause of my obesity.” That was so very true when I first came to the program ten years ago. It took coming to OA and working the steps for me to uncover the driving forces behind my compulsive eating. I'm now grateful for my fat because it brought me here with enough desperation to be willing to go to any lengths to lose the weight – and so I have, in large measure.

I no longer carry the weight of trying to please everyone, I'm free of the heavy burden of feeling I am a failure, I've dropped the pounds of shame and resentment I always carried on my back, and have lost the ton of guilt over my angry outbursts.  I still have some hefty, emotional luggage I'm carrying around, but a huge weight has been removed from my daily living. I do feel the Sunshine of the Spirit bathing me in light and lightness.

When I concentrated on my size and weight I was unable to stop eating.  Now, as long as I stay within my Higher Power's will, my eating is for fuel and pleasure and I can leave the results up to the one who carries the weight of my whole life in his strong arms.


Mollie R., Idaho – Guest Blogger

When I was a child, the adults in my life let me down so many times that I stopped trusting them. All of them. I always believed in God, in a power that guides us and wants what's best for us, but each time another imperfect human betrayed me or hurt me, I was sure it was because I must have done something to cause God to turn his back on me. It seemed that no matter what I did, I could not win God's favor.
 
By the time I found program, I was suicidal. I had spent so many years using my eating disorder to keep my feelings at bay, while working endlessly to prove my worth and earn my place in the world. I was exhausted. I could not keep doing what I was doing, but I did not know any other way to live; I was out of ideas. The darkness began to envelop me. I could see only one way to stop the pain. Then something miraculous happened—a small voice inside told me not to give up, and I somehow found the courage to reach out for help.
 
I was in the hospital for only ten days, but those ten days saved my life. It was there that I learned about the Twelve Steps and about Overeaters Anonymous. I attended my first meeting. Something began to shift. A door that had been slammed shut began to open. I began to see that my Higher Power had been with me through everything, putting people in my life when I needed them. I had been too hurt and too afraid to accept the help that was offered.
 
I wish I could tell you that I got a sponsor right away and worked the steps. That is not my story. After I left the hospital, a year and a half passed before I found myself in my second OA meeting, and then it took me two years to ask someone to be my sponsor. She had what I wanted and I was ready to go to any lengths to get what she had. She was calm and serene. Even when life was throwing lemons at her, she trusted her Higher Power completely. When things didn't go "her way," she didn't run from her feelings. She felt them, felt compassion for herself. She got quiet, asked for guidance, and did the footwork. She looked for her part, and trusted her Higher Power to walk with her as she took the next correct action. I wanted what she had and I was willing to risk trusting someone other than myself. As we worked through the steps, my trust in her grew, as did my trust in my Higher Power.
 
OA gave me so many opportunities to trust my fellows and to let go of expectations. I practiced in these rooms, and then in all of my affairs.  Before OA, I saw people with a fearful heart; now I see people with a kind and loving heart.
 
I found a solution in the Twelve Steps and I surrendered to my Higher Power with complete abandon. I did the work and learned to trust the world again. My heart is open and I know with my entire being that my life does not need to be justified. Or earned. It is a true miracle and I am grateful every day.
 
I celebrated 25 years of freedom from bulimia this year. The road has been long and winding, yet I do not regret what I had to face, or the process, with the loving guidance of my Higher Power, because today I feel more joy and more happy days than I ever dreamed possible. All because I chose to take a chance and dare to trust again.

​If you are afraid, OA is here for you. We can help you learn to trust again. All you have to do is find the courage to ask.
 
Alice W. – Region One

Lately it has been hard for me to get to meetings.  I love being able to go to a meeting without leaving my house, but sometimes sitting at my computer paying attention for an hour feels like more than I can do, and there often seems to be something else that needs done instead.  But, I know from past experience that not wanting to go to meetings is a “red flag” for me.

One of the advantages of having been in these rooms for years is that people notice when you aren’t showing up as often.  I’m grateful for OA friends who have called to say they’ve missed seeing me, and who have sent text messages saying "I hope to see you at the noon meeting today!"  They’ve helped me get back to where I hear the things I need to hear.

At one such meeting, we read a wonderful story titled “Power of Meetings” (Taste of Lifeline, pages 70-73).   The author shared about her first meeting, which changed her life, and said that meetings continue to be a foundation of her recovery.  This got me thinking about my own first meeting and what meetings have meant to me.  I realized that although “meetings” is technically just ONE of our Tools, they incorporate most of the other Tools as well. 

I attended my first meeting in 1993.  There was only one other person there, but this man put out the sign, led the meeting, shared his phone number, gave me a Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), and reviewed the meeting directory with me.  That meeting got me started in OA and introduced me to literature and phone calls.  I also got to be honest about my crazy food and unmanageable life for the first time.  In 2021, I get to give back by helping ensure there is someone there to welcome others to their first meeting—on Zoom.

As I attended more meetings, I met my first sponsor.  That’s really the best place to meet sponsors, right?  When I started sponsoring others (my Step 12 foundation), I connected with those people because we were at the same meeting. Zoom meetings are where they keep the newcomers these days, and I’m grateful to be sponsoring two new people in the past year.

In my early days of program, when the “We Care” list went around the meeting, I wrote names and phone numbers inside the covers of my OA books.  Now my cell phone is chock-full of OA numbers…members I’ve met at both face-to-face and Zoom meetings.

I own just about every OA book published, but I certainly don’t read them all on my own.  On non-meeting days, I might not get around to reading at all.  We fumbled around a bit at first on Zoom, but meetings soon hit their stride and most have chosen one of our amazing, hope-filled books as their focus. 

My first service was setting out chairs at a face-to-face meeting.  Zoom meetings also need people to give service, and it is important for me to step up.  When I say yes to service in a Zoom meeting, it’s easier for me to stay present, and it’s good for me to know I am contributing to the well-being of the meeting.

Meetings are where I learned to listen and give other people my undivided attention, three minutes at a time, without giving advice.  It is a little harder in Zoom meetings, but I’ve found that leaving my video on helps me be accountable for being attentive, and taking notes helps if I'm having trouble staying focused.  When I do these things, I am much more likely to come away thinking “Wow! What a great meeting!”

These days, there are new voices sharing their stories of hope in our meetings—our “world-wide Fellowship” has become an everyday reality.  We’re connected in a way we were not before, and what a boon this must be for meetings in small towns everywhere!

Meetings have provided structure for me—an opportunity to “show up” on an ongoing basis.  I wasn’t happy to have the bottom fall out of that structure a year ago, but I am grateful we as a Fellowship made quick use of the tools at hand to make meetings available again.

I see my OA family at OA meetings.  As a person who (still!) has a tendency to drift toward isolation, the Fellowship is very important for me.  I need to show up and claim my seat (or at least my little square!) at meetings.  I am grateful to be able to do so.

See you on Zoom!  :)
 
​
Beverly M. – Region One 

Our Eleventh Step talks about prayer and meditation. Meditation continues to be a struggle for me. In many practices, one of the first instructions is to close your eyes. Because of my childhood trauma, the idea of closing my eyes doesn’t feel safe for me right now. I feel too exposed. Too vulnerable. I used to use this truth as a weapon against myself. “You think you’re recovered? You can’t even sit with your eyes closed. What kind of an example is that?!” the vicious voice of my disease chimes in at every opportunity.
 
It’s important to note that through working the Twelve Steps with a sponsor, and some outside help, I have experienced recovery beyond my wildest dreams. For the most part, I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I believe in my heart that my experiences can benefit others. I know a new freedom and happiness. I feel useful and I am confident in my abilities. I have talents to share.   So where is my freedom from fear of other people?
 
Program has taught me to accept myself unconditionally. I love and accept my body – a miracle for someone who has tried to starve herself to maintain someone else’s unattainable ideal. I love who I am as a person, another miracle for someone who did not believe she was worth the space she took up in the world. And, I have a self-preservation skill that, so far, I am unable to, and may never be able to, let go of. I have a strong connection to my Higher Power. I know with all of my being that HP is with me 24/7, showing me grace and direction. And still, my instinct, when I try to close my eyes to meditate, is to recoil as if from a hot flame. The miracle here is that I am not a lesser person because of it. I accept it, refuse to let the voice of my disease define me, and remain open to other ways to quiet my mind so I can hear HP’s will for me. Because that is what meditation is all about – strengthening our connection with a power greater than ourselves. How we get there doesn’t matter.
 
So, how do I meditate? I go for a walk. Because of my past, it took a lot of work to be able to walk by myself. I stay vigilant, and present, paying attention to everything that is happening around me. As I do, something amazing happens: my mind begins to clear and I hear and feel an amazing inner silence. An overwhelming sense of peace. I feel safe. And in that safety, a thought materializes that leads me to my next action. A plan forms and I can visualize the path ahead. Random thoughts start to connect and form a coherent picture in my head. As I embrace whatever was just revealed to me, I feel a deep sense of joy.
 
Does this happen every time I walk? Not hardly. As anyone with a meditation practice will tell you, reaching the stillness is not always possible every time you sit. But when it does happen, it is profound and I feel an unbreakable bond with my Higher Power.
 
When I am not able to walk and I am feeling restless, irritable and discontent, I have learned to doodle. I sit at my desk or dining room table with a blank piece of paper. In the middle of the paper I write a word. One that calls to me in the moment. Examples include Peace, Beauty, Loneliness or Heartbreak. I draw a circle or box around the word, and I start to create patterns. The patterns flow easily out of me and onto the paper as I concentrate on the word in the center. The goal again is to quiet the stories I am telling myself and find a calmness to replace the restlessness. I open my heart to HP’s message for me. If I can’t seem to find the flow, I surrender to the process and release each self-judgment as it appears. Like any new skill, it took some practice to let go of my expectations and be present during the doodle meditation.
 
The point is that however we choose to quiet our minds and open our heart to a power greater than ourselves, the only way we can do it wrong is to not do it at all.
 
Alice W. – Region One

My OA friend said, “I have an assignment from my sponsor.  Can you tell me about your Second Step experience?”  I didn’t have an immediate answer.
 
Later that week I was reading a wonderful story in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition) titled “A Drunk, Like You.” On page 405 a spiritual awakening was discussed.  Aah!  My friend had been asking about my spiritual awakening!  In the story, the writer was disappointed that he hadn’t had a “more dramatic” spiritual awakening.
 
I was transported back to 1976, when I first entered the rooms of the 12 Steps at the tender age of 26. I had accompanied a friend who didn’t want to go alone.  I had been very depressed, but didn’t know that I was about to find the answer I needed. Walking into that room is something I’ll never forget.  It felt like walking into sunshine (and it was winter in Fairbanks, Alaska). I felt loved and accepted. And I kept coming back. That was my first spiritual awakening!
 
Jumping ahead to 1987. I was no longer a member of that first fellowship.  I was desperate to lose weight. I saw an ad for Overeaters Anonymous in the paper and wondered if it could be a Big Book fellowship. Their meeting was held fifteen minutes after I got off work and only three doors away, so I brought my Big Book and found that they were starting a Big Book study that night!  It was a renewal of my spiritual awakening.  Here was where I belonged!
 
Fast forward to 2009. We had moved and moved again. I had wandered away again. I had tried other methods of weight control.  Nothing worked. I got the bright idea of going to an Oregon OA retreat to get back on the wagon, but thought that afterward I wouldn’t have to attend meetings afterward—that I’d be able to do it by myself. But I discovered at the retreat that I love meetings!

Later that year we had to move again, back to my home town of Ketchikan to care for my mother.  I found an ad for OA in the paper, but when I went to the meeting no one else showed up.  I called the paper and was told the meeting wasn’t happening and they didn’t know how the ad had gotten back in the paper.  The time and place for a meeting were provided for me, and there were many weeks of just myself attending, but slowly a fellowship has grown around me.

I pray I have learned the lesson for good that this is where I belong and where I can stay spiritually awake, growing in recovery!
 
Lesley – Region One
 

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“But my darling, there’s no such thing as the light at the end of the tunnel, you must realize that you are the light.”  Anonymous
 
This always makes me feel so empowered.  It reminds me that I am in charge of my own recovery.
 
Light shines out of darkness.  When I first came to OA, I was in a very dark place.  I thought my problem was that I couldn’t stop eating at certain times. Over time I realized there was a much bigger reason why the food called to me.

• Selfishness in so needing your approval to feel ok about who I was.
• A tired, worn belief that my opinion didn’t matter.
• An obsession with body size and weight that took up way too much space in my head.

 
It was hard for me to shine when I kept dumping darkness on myself.
 
When I saw people recovering in the rooms of OA, the first thing I noticed was that they looked “lighter.”
 
Could it be that when we have hope, coupled with a faith that works for us and an honest desire, with courage to talk with a sponsor, that our load is lightened and it shows up on our face? It seems to me as we rid ourselves of the darkness, the lightness of our heart can begin to glow.
 
You know, light only has one purpose…to shine!

May you be a shining example of recovery this year and may your glow help light the way for others seeking the peace found in O.A.
 
Nadine D.- Region One

 
 
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As I've trudged the Road of Happy Destiny, I've developed a list of words to live by. Through working the Twelve Steps, practicing these principles in all of my affairs, and giving away what was so freely given to me, I walk a spiritual path every day.
 
I work my program as if my life depends on it, because it does. This disease of mine, this addiction to self-loathing, almost killed me. It causes an obsession of the mind so strong that my symptoms took the form of self-starvation and purging everything I ate.

​The maintenance of a fit spiritual condition is the ONLY thing that worked for me. This list is the result of developing that fit spiritual condition, which I achieved through working all twelve Steps. It is evidence of the true miracle of this program. Before recovery, I was a frightened, wounded person who hid in plain sight. Now, I gladly follow the path of my Higher Power, who has led me to this marvelous way of life.
 
Do your work and you will find your list too. In the meantime, you can share mine with me.

• Choose to be kind.
• Stay open to all life has to offer.
• Say yes to adventure.
• Feel the fear and do it anyway. 
• Always remember that you have something unique to offer the world. 
• Believe you can make a difference and you will.
• Live a life of integrity. 
• Always speak your highest truth with love.
• It works if you do the work.
• Find joy in every day.
• Keep coming back. 

 
Alice W. - Region One