Sometimes it’s good for me to take a minute and think about what I really know about myself after all this time in OA.  Am I really different?  In all this “turning over” of my will, my life, my character defects (Steps 3 and 6). What does that actually mean for me?
 
Here’s an example:  The discussion at a recent OA meeting was on “Amends we’ve made and how that affected us.”  It prompted something within me about a possible amends I needed to make to a relative. Talking with my sponsor, I realized it wasn’t an amends I needed to make, but a hurt I needed to deal with.  In dealing with that same hurt several years ago, this is what I did: “Wow, that hurt.  I better let it go because there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be resentful.”  Well, fast forward three years later and I’m crying over the same hurt.  I really hadn’t turned anything over to my Higher Power.  So, with the help of my sponsor, I wrote a letter to this person, who is now deceased.  I acknowledged the hurt, and I also recognized all the good and blessings that person gave me.  I asked God to remove my selfishness and my hanging onto thoughts that may not have been true. With this intentional act, came freedom.  I am free of it!
 
I also had to be clear about what character defects I’m giving up. That makes more sense to me more than just saying, “take it away, God.”
 
So, what do I know?  That my program is about surrender, action, and reliance upon my HP, who does for me what I cannot do for myself!  It does take work, but I am worth the effort.  My life is filled with peace by following these Steps. I know that I can live without confusion, resentment and fear if I keep connected to the source of my strength.
 
I am sure of it!
 
Nadine – Region 1

In one of my meetings there is a woman who has been abstinent for over forty years. She often shares that “It is my job today to practice the Spiritual Principles of the OA program.”  
 
Step One – the Spiritual Principle is Honesty.  One of the definitions of honesty is "adherence to the facts" or "sincerity."    This seems like the perfect spiritual principle for Step One to me.   To truly understand that I am powerless over food and my life is unmanageable, I needed to be honest with myself about my life. 

To be honest, I do not think I really believed Step One when I arrived in OA.  I came to OA after being in another 12 Step program for almost a year.  I could understand and believe Step Two – Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.   I had seen that step work for members of the other program.  So, when someone there mentioned OA to me in reference to my overeating, I was immediately interested in finding out more about the OA program. 
 
But I do not really think I took Step One for several years after I started coming to OA meetings.  I certainly did not get abstinent consistently until I had been in OA for about eight years. 

The bottom came after I had been living up near Mt. Hood, outside of Portland, Oregon, for about a year.  During the summer while I worked at a camp for handicapped children, I had been wonderfully abstinent.  It felt easy to be abstinent – I just ate the three meals per day they served in the dining hall, no sugar and no wheat and NO snacking. 

​Then, at the mid-summer OA retreat, I realized I really needed to be close to the OA program and to OA people to stay abstinent during the rest of the year.  I could NOT do this by myself; I was powerless over the food.  I decided I needed to move back to Portland, where there were more meetings and more OA people around me.  I could not do my life by myself.  I had to be honest with myself and with other people.  That is when my first abstinence started. 
 
Margie - Region 1

Sometimes, when I've read the Promises around step nine (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 83-84) I've gotten hung up where it reads, "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others."

I started having an internal dialogue about "how far down the scale" not really being applicable to overeaters, because clearly, we care much more about how far up the scale we had gone. I used to want to read it in my meetings as up-the-scale, until a few weeks ago.

Then, when someone else was reading the Promises, HP helped me set aside what I thought I knew for an open mind and a new experience. That day, I heard it with a completely different perspective; no matter how far down, Yes! Down!, we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

Maybe now more than ever, our experiences as we go down the scale are the most relevant for our fellows to hear. These are the stories that bring hope.

Nowadays, I can now see how it applies either way, and I have the tiniest smile when I hear the Promises. My heart and mind feel more open, and I am comforted in continually finding new meaning in old words. I share my experiences in the hope others will benefit. If there is the slightest chance they can avoid my mistakes, I'm happy to bare my soul, or describe how I climbed out of the hell in my head by following a few simple steps, turning my control issues over to HP, and going to meetings.

In Service to the Good of OA,

Avi R. - Region 1

“Repetition is the only form of permanence the nature can achieve.”  Voices of Recovery, April 2
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I read this with a sponsee this morning.  The reading talks about the loss of HOPE, and how hard doing all those little things that recovery requires seems when you don’t have hope that anything will get better.  And how freeing those little things can become when you do have hope.  The quote itself reminds me that I need to keep doing those little things when they seem easy and when they seem hard. 

I have been in OA for over 40 years, but I have only 18 years of abstinence.  I have had years and years of up and down abstinence and relapse.  I always believed that the OA program worked and therefore I never left.  But I was sometimes convinced that I would never be able to turn to my HP enough to maintain those little actions on an ongoing basis.  I kept hoping that I could get away with not doing all that work.  Hoping that the extra food I put in my mouth wouldn’t be a problem...but it always made things worse and never better. 

I never stopped going to meetings and I kept trying to gain enough of that “secret” thing that would make the difference to keep me abstinent.  And I tried to keep doing those little things that I knew made things better-- writing, doing 12 Steps, working with a sponsor, making calls, writing down my food. 

Then one day a smart-a** newcomer arrived.  She got into program quickly and started sponsoring a bunch of people.  One day she asked me “Margie, when are you going to get abstinent?”  I realized that even though I didn’t really like her program (she was very focused on weight loss) she was actually doing MUCH better than I was.  So, I was willing to have her temporarily sponsor me.  I said, “I am willing to do everything that you are doing today. I may not be willing to do it tomorrow, but I am willing today!” And I did that.

I was not willing to do it her way for very long--maybe a month.  It was enough to get me started.  I have continued to do those little things that keep me grounded even in this strange time of isolation.

These days, I am very grateful for virtual meetings via various video apps and for phone calls.  I am grateful for walks with my dog and sunshine and spring flowers.  I am grateful for three meals a day with nothing in-between, day after day.  I am grateful for my quiet time in the mornings and my sponsor who is willing to take phone calls five days a week; I normally only call once weekly.  I started doing meditation about two years ago and it is vital to me now. I am very grateful that I don’t HAVE to do things rigidly or perfectly.

As I repeatedly do things they have become a permanent part of me and my recovery.

Margie - Region 1 
 

As I think about Unity Day coming up on February 29, I wonder about this celebration and I ask myself: how will acknowledging this day make any difference in my recovery?  So I started reading, and then reflecting on what it means to be united in this fellowship:
 
“No matter what problem I have with food, I am welcome.”
I am united in the solution to our common problem.  I begin to recover because I can identify with your weaknesses and actions around food.
 
“It is our weaknesses, not strengths that bind us.”
We are a group of people who would not normally mix, and yet…It doesn’t matter what your faith looks like.  It doesn't matter what your gender, or sexual preference is.  My sponsor is a different faith than I am, and yet when I have a struggle and need help she encourages and reminds me to pray.  How amazing is that?  We are of different beliefs but she encourages me to pray to my Higher Power.
 
“We are all together now reaching out for power and strength...”
We reach out to each other because, in spite of our differences, we have so much more in common that connects us.  Your strong recovery helps to strengthen mine. 
 
Last year I took part in a United Day celebration from a different OA fellowship than mine.  During the hour, a lovely gal gave each one of us a white rose. As she handed them out one by one, she mentioned how grateful she was for each person as she did.  I felt so welcomed and loved and united to this group even though all she said to me was “Thank you for coming here today to be with us.”  That small act made me feel like such a grateful part of this fellowship and definitely united in their love.

It is definitely beyond my wildest dreams!
 
So grateful to be united with you,

Nadine D.
OA Region1 Member at Large

Happy New Year Region 1 OAers! We are now fully into 2020. I don't know about you but I am shaking off the sparkly dust from a wonderful holiday season and getting back to my worthwhile everyday routines. They feel good after the "time off for fun behavior."

I struggle with holidays every year as all the normal eaters try to eat like compulsive eaters (amateurs!).  I so want to be a "normal" eater this time of year. BUT I ain't. So I am glad to have thrown away the last of the left over treats and have a recovery pattern to follow to get back in the groove. Here's mine to restart in the new year:

• First thing in the morning, I read OA literature  and write a little in my journal after my first cuppa coffee meditation. 
• I see my sponsor once a week and my sponsees once a week.
• I go to two OA meetings a week.
• I write a question to my HP every night and jot down HP's answer.
• I do service in OA and in my community. 
• I am grateful for all my blessings and try to never take them for granted.
• In 2020, I have a resolution (I don't have to have the "lose weight" one anymore). This year I am going to clean up my speech--no more lazy curse words. Region One Board members will be able to see how I do with that one!

What are your recovery routines? Are you doing well with them or do you need to step it up? Is there something special you have been putting off for...whenever? Is it time to do that in 2020?

Wishing you joy and freedom in 2020.  

Aloha,  Pat  - Region 1
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