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"NO MATTER WHAT" ATTITUDE

3/15/2022

5 Comments

 
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I want to share what I learned from losing my abstinence recently. I had gone on a two week vacation and was doing well. We had a kitchen where we were staying so I bought the healthy foods I needed. I chopped and planned my meals. I had my scale so I could weigh my portions. I had taken all I needed to attend meetings, read literature, journal and work with my sponsor and sponsees while gone. All was well. 

Then we went on a riverboat dinner cruise. My mistake was that I didn’t inquire ahead of time what the meal was going to be. When we got there I had a choice between a food that contained sugar and a food that contained corn flour. I already knew from experience that sugar and flour will lead to food cravings but my "forgetter" forgot and told me "maybe this time you can have corn flour," so I ate it. Later in the meal there was a sugary dessert that I easily did not eat, so I told myself "see, you’re fine" and I was fine that evening.

The next day I was fine, but in the evening I found myself eating a corn flour item.

The day after that, I had the great idea to drink a sugary drink and eat whatever I wanted all day. I took a day off from my food plan!

The following morning I ate two sugary and floury items for breakfast and knew it had to STOP.

I said a prayer, made some calls, did some writing, read some literature, listened to a podcast, went to a meeting and basically dove back into program and straightened myself out. The rest of that day I was abstinent and I’ve been abstinent since.

I learned some important things from that experience. Even though I did a lot of things to stay abstinent on my trip, I failed to plan for dinner on the riverboat. I also had not yet adopted the attitude that my trigger foods are not allowed under any circumstance. With a NO MATTER WHAT attitude, I wouldn’t have eaten the corn flour, and with a little planning, I could have brought my food with me.

Thank goodness I didn’t do what the old me used to do…give up because I messed up. Instead, I’m learning what the experience had to teach me, dusting myself off and jumping right back into the middle of program. By the way, nothing I ate made me feel even close to how great abstinence feels. Plus it gave me heartburn which I hadn’t experienced in years! I’ve released 70 pounds, and I don’t want to ever go back to how it felt to carry that extra weight around. OA shows me how to stay abstinent, happy joyous and free and for that I am grateful. 


Lynne F. - ​Sequim, Washington
Guest Blogger


5 Comments

JOURNEY TO A LASTING ABSTINENCE

3/9/2022

4 Comments

 
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​My journey to a lasting abstinence was a long one. At times it felt desperate and fleeting. Yet I perservered. With the help of a Step Sponsor, a power greater than myself, and the Fellowship, last month I celebrated 27 years of abstinence from bulimia, a disease that to this day wants to destroy me. 

I spent 19 1/2 years of my life actively participating in my disease. Bingeing, purging, starving, over exercising, pills, laxatives, powders, eating only one food, and so many other compulsive behaviors were all part of the insanity of my disease--a disease which had me convinced that the ONLY way to keep the demons away and stay in control was to listen to it. There was no room for anything else or anyone else. 

When I first attended meetings regularly, I was desperate to stop. And on the days I attended a meeting I did stop. The hope and welcome I felt in the rooms kept me going for 24 hours. On the days I missed a meeting, the bulimia was back with a vengeance. Where had been my resolve? I worked up to six meetings a week. And still--no meeting, no lasting abstinence. I was not free. 

Then I finally hit the bottom I needed to work the Steps. After TWO years of attending meetings and white-knuckling it from one meeting to the next, I got a sponsor and started working the program, the 12 Steps. I wanted what she had and was willing to go to any lengths to recover. I followed directions and did the work. Some of it was heartbreaking, some of it was eye-opening, and some of it was pure joy. Most of all, it was life saving, life affirming and a reason to rejoice, for I had truly found a new way of living and a life I had never dared to imagine for myself. A life free from the grips of a disease that continues to try to regain control and one that I have no doubt will destroy me if I do not work my program on a daily basis. 

Program has taught me that I am not cured. What I have is a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition. This spiritually fit condition did not come easily to me. I struggled with putting trust in my Higher Power. The six months prior to finding lasting abstinence were in program while I was working the steps. As I worked through them the first time and continued steps 1-3 and 10-12 on a daily basis, my trust in HP grew until I was finally able to turn to HP instead of the bulimia for direction in every single aspect of my life. I didn't force it or make a vow. I took the next inspired action, turned to HP in moments of panic or indecision, one day at a time. Truthfully, at times it was one moment at a time. 

Life has not been all sunshine and roses. And that is okay because the worst day in recovery is glorious compared to my best day when my disease ruled my life. 

Now, almost thirty years later, I put one foot in front of the other, trusting God, cleaning house, and serving others. And I find myself truly free. 

Alice W.
​Region One

4 Comments

THE FOOD IS ON MY BACK

11/28/2021

4 Comments

 
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I have been blessed with nearly 13 months of a pretty easy abstinence. But in the last few weeks, the food has been "on my back," or rather, on my mind. Am I spiritually unfit? Have I been skipping too many meetings, or not doing service? Am I not praying hard enough?

Sometimes my brain forgets that I’m an addict, and thinks that if I just did more, or was smarter, things will go my way. But now I don’t think the answer is to try harder. My will power can only do so much, and I am completely powerless over food. There is one who has all power, and that one is my HP.

Sometimes my HP speaks through other people, such as my sponsor, who reminded me that I have been experimenting with a zero calorie sugar substitute. It is much sweeter than table sugar, but it has no carbohydrates, calories, or artificial ingredients.

​No calories! Sounds great to me! So much so that I have added this ingredient to my daily tea, or twice daily tea, or five times a day tea…and more tea.

Yes, I am an addict. If it tastes sweet, I want it, and I crave more, and more, and more. So for my next experiment, I have stopped using the sweetener for the past six days, with the hope that being off of it will eventually stop my food cravings. So far I’ve observed that I’m not enjoying my tea as much, and the food cravings are still there. This is an awkward time.

What am I doing to stay abstinent? There’s no magic formula. I make outreach calls. I go to meetings. I talk with my sponsor, and with my sponsee. I ask my HP to let me be of service. I’m writing a guest blog. I pray a lot, asking my HP for relief from the cravings, asking for the gift of abstinence one minute at a time. So far, I continue to get the gift of imperfect abstinence, and I am grateful.

I wish I could say that the cravings are gone, but they are not yet. But the OA fellowship is here, meetings are here, the phone is here, and my HP is here. I am not alone. And for the moment, while writing this blog, the food is not on my back. I am grateful for that, for my HP, and for all of you who are on this journey with me.
​
DJR - Guest Blogger - Oregon

4 Comments
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