One of my favorite quotes from our OA 12x12 (page 21) is:  “We ask, and we receive, first the willingness, and then the ability.” 
 
Willingness is the spiritual principle of Step 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” However, when researching the word willingness, it is found mostly in the third step.  In the AA 12x12 eight quotes are listed for Step Three and only one for Step Six.

Step Three embodies all the steps and as it says in the AA 12x12 on page 5, “Willingness is the key.”  When I am seeking to let go of a character defect, I must be willing to admit my powerlessness, and I must be willing to go to any lengths.
 
In Voices of Recovery there are 21 meditations that mention willingness; 13 in For Today; the Big Book has 11.
 
I have seen willingness work.  It is like the loom for the wool.  The steps don’t work for me unless I am willing.  One important thing for  me to remember is the adage: “act as if.” I had to be willing to do what I heard in meetings, even if I thought it wouldn’t work. 
 
I was willing to leave the room and pray when the craving was unbearable.  I would think, “I’ll do it, but THEN I’ll come back and eat it!” But the act of leaving the room and praying took the craving away!  I’d say, “Well just for today I won’t eat that, but tomorrow I WILL.” But tomorrow I didn’t want to because I felt the freedom and self-acceptance abstinence brings.
 
Today I am willing to take that next step in recovery.  I am willing to let go of fear and self-doubt.  Every step so far has granted me more serenity, courage, and wisdom.      
 
Higher Power, I am willing.
 
Lesley – Region One        

In Step One of the OA 12&12 (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous) it talks about believing my weight was the cause of my chronic unhappiness. I wrote in the margin of the book, “My chronic unhappiness is the cause of my obesity.” That was so very true when I first came to the program ten years ago. It took coming to OA and working the steps for me to uncover the driving forces behind my compulsive eating. I'm now grateful for my fat because it brought me here with enough desperation to be willing to go to any lengths to lose the weight – and so I have, in large measure.

I no longer carry the weight of trying to please everyone, I'm free of the heavy burden of feeling I am a failure, I've dropped the pounds of shame and resentment I always carried on my back, and have lost the ton of guilt over my angry outbursts.  I still have some hefty, emotional luggage I'm carrying around, but a huge weight has been removed from my daily living. I do feel the Sunshine of the Spirit bathing me in light and lightness.

When I concentrated on my size and weight I was unable to stop eating.  Now, as long as I stay within my Higher Power's will, my eating is for fuel and pleasure and I can leave the results up to the one who carries the weight of my whole life in his strong arms.


Mollie R., Idaho – Guest Blogger

When I was a child, the adults in my life let me down so many times that I stopped trusting them. All of them. I always believed in God, in a power that guides us and wants what's best for us, but each time another imperfect human betrayed me or hurt me, I was sure it was because I must have done something to cause God to turn his back on me. It seemed that no matter what I did, I could not win God's favor.
 
By the time I found program, I was suicidal. I had spent so many years using my eating disorder to keep my feelings at bay, while working endlessly to prove my worth and earn my place in the world. I was exhausted. I could not keep doing what I was doing, but I did not know any other way to live; I was out of ideas. The darkness began to envelop me. I could see only one way to stop the pain. Then something miraculous happened—a small voice inside told me not to give up, and I somehow found the courage to reach out for help.
 
I was in the hospital for only ten days, but those ten days saved my life. It was there that I learned about the Twelve Steps and about Overeaters Anonymous. I attended my first meeting. Something began to shift. A door that had been slammed shut began to open. I began to see that my Higher Power had been with me through everything, putting people in my life when I needed them. I had been too hurt and too afraid to accept the help that was offered.
 
I wish I could tell you that I got a sponsor right away and worked the steps. That is not my story. After I left the hospital, a year and a half passed before I found myself in my second OA meeting, and then it took me two years to ask someone to be my sponsor. She had what I wanted and I was ready to go to any lengths to get what she had. She was calm and serene. Even when life was throwing lemons at her, she trusted her Higher Power completely. When things didn't go "her way," she didn't run from her feelings. She felt them, felt compassion for herself. She got quiet, asked for guidance, and did the footwork. She looked for her part, and trusted her Higher Power to walk with her as she took the next correct action. I wanted what she had and I was willing to risk trusting someone other than myself. As we worked through the steps, my trust in her grew, as did my trust in my Higher Power.
 
OA gave me so many opportunities to trust my fellows and to let go of expectations. I practiced in these rooms, and then in all of my affairs.  Before OA, I saw people with a fearful heart; now I see people with a kind and loving heart.
 
I found a solution in the Twelve Steps and I surrendered to my Higher Power with complete abandon. I did the work and learned to trust the world again. My heart is open and I know with my entire being that my life does not need to be justified. Or earned. It is a true miracle and I am grateful every day.
 
I celebrated 25 years of freedom from bulimia this year. The road has been long and winding, yet I do not regret what I had to face, or the process, with the loving guidance of my Higher Power, because today I feel more joy and more happy days than I ever dreamed possible. All because I chose to take a chance and dare to trust again.

​If you are afraid, OA is here for you. We can help you learn to trust again. All you have to do is find the courage to ask.
 
Alice W. – Region One

When I first attended a Twelve Step program, I quickly “did” all twelve steps in about a month.  That was expected. The Fifth Step, which I chose to do with my priest, was somewhat scary, but I continued on.  When I had completed Step Nine, I felt a great sense of burdens being removed. I joined other fellowships and worked through the steps similarly.
 
Approximately ten years after I first entered “the rooms,” I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I started the same way, not taking long to go through the first nine steps, then continuing to work 10, 11 and 12.  In OA I found that it is common to take the Fourth and Fifth Steps again regarding another person or a particular situation. I have gone through the steps several times in my OA life. 

I have thought of the Sixth and Seventh Steps as the “working steps” for my character defects, but I am beginning to realize I have neglected a wonderful gift in the Fifth Step. To write out a Fifth Step around a character defect, share with Higher Power and then with a sponsor or partner in recovery is truly working the program.  After all, the spiritual Principle of Step Five is integrity.  
 
As it says in For Today on November 3rd:  “I need not be afraid to admit anything to God and to another person, under God’s guidance.”
 
To continue to grow in recovery I need to use the Fifth Step, and I am grateful to do so!
 
Lesley – Region One

Last weekend I had the chance to attend a virtual retreat sponsored by North Cascade Intergroup.  Although the retreat took place over the entire weekend, my schedule allowed me to pop in only for Saturday afternoon.  
 
Finding she had a bit more time following a review of Steps 8 and 9, the speaker turned to one of my favorite stories in the back of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), “Acceptance was the Answer.”  Some of you long-timers might know this story by its previous title, "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict."  Page 449 was frequently quoted by many in our program for the place to go on "acceptance"; now it is on page 417 in the Fourth Edition.  
 
Our speaker shared frank personal examples of her own beliefs and behaviors that matched those of the writer of this story.  Here are a few excerpts that resonated with me:
 
"When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork.  I am saying I know better than God." (page 417)
 
Yep - I've had a tendency recently to truly believe I know how to run others' lives (Whose lives?  My husband's, daughter's, mother's, for starters).  What an ego!  And what an energy drain to have to think about and point out what others should be doing!  It also seems like I've done a bit too much complaining about what or who isn't ok in my life, when it's exactly the way it should be according to my HP's plan.
 
"When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day.  If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases." (page 419) 
 
Just last night after dinner I found myself slipping into the depths of despair. Nothing horrible had happened; evenings can often be times of day when I fall into negativity.  Fortunately, I realized I could adjust my attitude, that things would be ok, and I did the next indicated thing, which happened to be cleaning up the kitchen.  And after a few minutes, I felt better.  
 
And my favorite: 
 
At the bottom of page 413 this physician describes an old idea, and then later, a new idea:
 
"In the hospital I hung on to the idea I'd had most of my life:  that if I could just control the external environment, the internal environment would then become comfortable.  Much of my time was spent writing letters, notes, orders and lists of things for Max, who was also my office nurse, to do to keep the world running while I was locked up."
 
At the top of page 414:  
 
"Each with the other as a witness, we took the Third Step out loud--just as it says in the Big Book.  And life keeps getting simpler and easier as we try to reverse my old idea, by taking care of the internal environment via the Twelve Steps, and letting the external environment take care of itself." 
 
I love that I can become willing to set aside an idea that doesn't work, and pick up one that does.  It's that daily surrender of big or small things, and being open to a different result.    
 
We all love a good story of experience, strength and hope, and I am grateful to our retreat speaker for bringing this one back into my view.
 

Cindy C. – Region One

“But my darling, there’s no such thing as the light at the end of the tunnel, you must realize that you are the light.”  Anonymous
 
This always makes me feel so empowered.  It reminds me that I am in charge of my own recovery.
 
Light shines out of darkness.  When I first came to OA, I was in a very dark place.  I thought my problem was that I couldn’t stop eating at certain times. Over time I realized there was a much bigger reason why the food called to me.

• Selfishness in so needing your approval to feel ok about who I was.
• A tired, worn belief that my opinion didn’t matter.
• An obsession with body size and weight that took up way too much space in my head.

 
It was hard for me to shine when I kept dumping darkness on myself.
 
When I saw people recovering in the rooms of OA, the first thing I noticed was that they looked “lighter.”
 
Could it be that when we have hope, coupled with a faith that works for us and an honest desire, with courage to talk with a sponsor, that our load is lightened and it shows up on our face? It seems to me as we rid ourselves of the darkness, the lightness of our heart can begin to glow.
 
You know, light only has one purpose…to shine!

May you be a shining example of recovery this year and may your glow help light the way for others seeking the peace found in O.A.
 
Nadine D.- Region One

 
 
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I tried to mend my broken heart by surrounding myself with stuff.
 
I tried to heal my childhood trauma by ignoring it and showing the world how unaffected I was. 
 
Look at my beautiful clothes, my impressive degree, my handsome husband, my beloved children.
 
I tried to follow the saying "Living well is the best revenge."
 
What I've learned is that revenge traps the anger in your heart and sucks the life from your soul. And it turned out that my version of living well was killing me from the inside out.
 
My drug of choice was food. I used it to punish myself for my mistakes. For not being able to meet my unrealistic expectations. And I also used it to keep the pain at bay. My behaviors around food—however destructive they appeared to the outside world—are what got me through each minute of every day. The world was a big and scary place that I desperately wanted to be a part of. I would do anything to appear like I had it all together so I could convince myself that I was ok.
 
The fact that my drug of choice was food is not really important. In different circumstances, it could have easily been cocaine or alcohol. For whatever reason, those never gave me the relief that purging or starving did. What matters is that I felt a deep sense of shame that could only be quieted by fully participating in my disease. (Before I got abstinent, I purged everything I ate and exercised 3-4 hours a day. The only way I knew to not purge was to not eat at all. Stimulants were my friends.)
 
Today, I am in the process of clearing out the wreckage of my past. That includes all of the stuff. I try to let go of the pain this stuff has caused my household. My inability to let go of toys as my kids outgrew them has created a mountain of memories and clutter. As I hold each item, I let the feelings rise and honor the tears of opportunities lost. I also let the joy rise as I remember the laughter of children at play.
 
I wanted the garage cleared out by the new year. Today is December 1st. I made progress over the summer, but have not made much effort since. I turned my focus to the basement, thinking I needed a break. Progress shows there as well, and more still needs to be done.
 
As I continue the work, I marvel at my willingness to face my stuff. All of my stuff. Not just the material clutter that keeps my family from enjoying the spaces in our home. I am also facing the stuff that lingers inside my heart. The heartbreak and grief that holds me back and keeps me stuck.
 
I hold each item, each thought, each idea, each belief that no longer serves me. I thank it for getting me through and I let it go.
 
The Twelve Steps contain all of the solutions I need to live an abstinent life. A life beyond misery. A life beyond my wildest dreams.
 
Alice W. – Region One



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