My OA friend said, “I have an assignment from my sponsor.  Can you tell me about your Second Step experience?”  I didn’t have an immediate answer.
 
Later that week I was reading a wonderful story in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition) titled “A Drunk, Like You.” On page 405 a spiritual awakening was discussed.  Aah!  My friend had been asking about my spiritual awakening!  In the story, the writer was disappointed that he hadn’t had a “more dramatic” spiritual awakening.
 
I was transported back to 1976, when I first entered the rooms of the 12 Steps at the tender age of 26. I had accompanied a friend who didn’t want to go alone.  I had been very depressed, but didn’t know that I was about to find the answer I needed. Walking into that room is something I’ll never forget.  It felt like walking into sunshine (and it was winter in Fairbanks, Alaska). I felt loved and accepted. And I kept coming back. That was my first spiritual awakening!
 
Jumping ahead to 1987. I was no longer a member of that first fellowship.  I was desperate to lose weight. I saw an ad for Overeaters Anonymous in the paper and wondered if it could be a Big Book fellowship. Their meeting was held fifteen minutes after I got off work and only three doors away, so I brought my Big Book and found that they were starting a Big Book study that night!  It was a renewal of my spiritual awakening.  Here was where I belonged!
 
Fast forward to 2009. We had moved and moved again. I had wandered away again. I had tried other methods of weight control.  Nothing worked. I got the bright idea of going to an Oregon OA retreat to get back on the wagon, but thought that afterward I wouldn’t have to attend meetings afterward—that I’d be able to do it by myself. But I discovered at the retreat that I love meetings!

Later that year we had to move again, back to my home town of Ketchikan to care for my mother.  I found an ad for OA in the paper, but when I went to the meeting no one else showed up.  I called the paper and was told the meeting wasn’t happening and they didn’t know how the ad had gotten back in the paper.  The time and place for a meeting were provided for me, and there were many weeks of just myself attending, but slowly a fellowship has grown around me.

I pray I have learned the lesson for good that this is where I belong and where I can stay spiritually awake, growing in recovery!
 
Lesley – Region One
 

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“But my darling, there’s no such thing as the light at the end of the tunnel, you must realize that you are the light.”  Anonymous
 
This always makes me feel so empowered.  It reminds me that I am in charge of my own recovery.
 
Light shines out of darkness.  When I first came to OA, I was in a very dark place.  I thought my problem was that I couldn’t stop eating at certain times. Over time I realized there was a much bigger reason why the food called to me.

• Selfishness in so needing your approval to feel ok about who I was.
• A tired, worn belief that my opinion didn’t matter.
• An obsession with body size and weight that took up way too much space in my head.

 
It was hard for me to shine when I kept dumping darkness on myself.
 
When I saw people recovering in the rooms of OA, the first thing I noticed was that they looked “lighter.”
 
Could it be that when we have hope, coupled with a faith that works for us and an honest desire, with courage to talk with a sponsor, that our load is lightened and it shows up on our face? It seems to me as we rid ourselves of the darkness, the lightness of our heart can begin to glow.
 
You know, light only has one purpose…to shine!

May you be a shining example of recovery this year and may your glow help light the way for others seeking the peace found in O.A.
 
Nadine D.- Region One

 
 
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I tried to mend my broken heart by surrounding myself with stuff.
 
I tried to heal my childhood trauma by ignoring it and showing the world how unaffected I was. 
 
Look at my beautiful clothes, my impressive degree, my handsome husband, my beloved children.
 
I tried to follow the saying "Living well is the best revenge."
 
What I've learned is that revenge traps the anger in your heart and sucks the life from your soul. And it turned out that my version of living well was killing me from the inside out.
 
My drug of choice was food. I used it to punish myself for my mistakes. For not being able to meet my unrealistic expectations. And I also used it to keep the pain at bay. My behaviors around food—however destructive they appeared to the outside world—are what got me through each minute of every day. The world was a big and scary place that I desperately wanted to be a part of. I would do anything to appear like I had it all together so I could convince myself that I was ok.
 
The fact that my drug of choice was food is not really important. In different circumstances, it could have easily been cocaine or alcohol. For whatever reason, those never gave me the relief that purging or starving did. What matters is that I felt a deep sense of shame that could only be quieted by fully participating in my disease. (Before I got abstinent, I purged everything I ate and exercised 3-4 hours a day. The only way I knew to not purge was to not eat at all. Stimulants were my friends.)
 
Today, I am in the process of clearing out the wreckage of my past. That includes all of the stuff. I try to let go of the pain this stuff has caused my household. My inability to let go of toys as my kids outgrew them has created a mountain of memories and clutter. As I hold each item, I let the feelings rise and honor the tears of opportunities lost. I also let the joy rise as I remember the laughter of children at play.
 
I wanted the garage cleared out by the new year. Today is December 1st. I made progress over the summer, but have not made much effort since. I turned my focus to the basement, thinking I needed a break. Progress shows there as well, and more still needs to be done.
 
As I continue the work, I marvel at my willingness to face my stuff. All of my stuff. Not just the material clutter that keeps my family from enjoying the spaces in our home. I am also facing the stuff that lingers inside my heart. The heartbreak and grief that holds me back and keeps me stuck.
 
I hold each item, each thought, each idea, each belief that no longer serves me. I thank it for getting me through and I let it go.
 
The Twelve Steps contain all of the solutions I need to live an abstinent life. A life beyond misery. A life beyond my wildest dreams.
 
Alice W. – Region One



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As I've trudged the Road of Happy Destiny, I've developed a list of words to live by. Through working the Twelve Steps, practicing these principles in all of my affairs, and giving away what was so freely given to me, I walk a spiritual path every day.
 
I work my program as if my life depends on it, because it does. This disease of mine, this addiction to self-loathing, almost killed me. It causes an obsession of the mind so strong that my symptoms took the form of self-starvation and purging everything I ate.

​The maintenance of a fit spiritual condition is the ONLY thing that worked for me. This list is the result of developing that fit spiritual condition, which I achieved through working all twelve Steps. It is evidence of the true miracle of this program. Before recovery, I was a frightened, wounded person who hid in plain sight. Now, I gladly follow the path of my Higher Power, who has led me to this marvelous way of life.
 
Do your work and you will find your list too. In the meantime, you can share mine with me.

• Choose to be kind.
• Stay open to all life has to offer.
• Say yes to adventure.
• Feel the fear and do it anyway. 
• Always remember that you have something unique to offer the world. 
• Believe you can make a difference and you will.
• Live a life of integrity. 
• Always speak your highest truth with love.
• It works if you do the work.
• Find joy in every day.
• Keep coming back. 

 
Alice W. - Region One 

At a recent workshop, I was reminded that the world is full of different body shapes and sizes, and that in our fellowship, abstinence is as varied as the ways we each act out our compulsive food behaviors. What keeps me sane can be the downfall of another. The fact that we can each define our own abstinence is one of the miracles of the program. Since we all act out our addiction in different ways, what works to free us from our compulsion will also look a little different for each of us.
 
Many of us would agree that what one person defines as "sober" eating can send another into relapse. So why do we not share the same sentiment when it comes to body size? Why do we judge those as "not abstinent" when their size does not match our personal vision of physical recovery?
 
As an anorexic/bulimic and over exerciser, I was brutal to my body, trying to get it to stay at a size that I had decided was "right-sized." In recovery, I found that I had a very hard time letting go of what physical recovery looked like for me. What program has taught me, through working the Twelve Steps, is that this is a program of action. I do the footwork and leave the results to my Higher Power. And that includes my physical recovery. My abstinence is sober eating, which to me means putting food in its proper place. I feed my body the nutrition it needs to be healthy so I can do HP's will for me as I walk through my day. Sober eating also means that I do not use food or compulsive food behaviors to avoid my emotions or escape from life. I live life on life's terms. And I leave the results to HP. I trust my Higher Power to take care of the size of my body - the one that I was born with. Not the one I tortured myself to try to obtain. Freedom from the obsession includes letting go of my vision of what a right-sized, abstinent body looks like. The size of my clothes or the number on the scale does not matter. If I am eating a sober meal plan, then I am abstinent.
 
When I came into program, one of my core beliefs was that the size of my body determined my value to the world. What program has taught me through my step work is that the size of my body does not reflect my worth to this world, and neither does it define the depth of my recovery. My value to the world is based on HP's will for me: to be of service to others. Program promises me freedom from food obsession, and a life of usefulness. It does not promise to make me a certain size or shape.
 
Love and tolerance is our code. (I prefer love and acceptance, myself.) Love and acceptance includes our own bodies, as well as those of our fellows, regardless of shape or size.
 
Alice W. – Region 1 

Sometimes it’s good for me to take a minute and think about what I really know about myself after all this time in OA.  Am I really different?  In all this “turning over” of my will, my life, my character defects (Steps 3 and 6). What does that actually mean for me?
 
Here’s an example:  The discussion at a recent OA meeting was on “Amends we’ve made and how that affected us.”  It prompted something within me about a possible amends I needed to make to a relative. Talking with my sponsor, I realized it wasn’t an amends I needed to make, but a hurt I needed to deal with.  In dealing with that same hurt several years ago, this is what I did: “Wow, that hurt.  I better let it go because there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be resentful.”  Well, fast forward three years later and I’m crying over the same hurt.  I really hadn’t turned anything over to my Higher Power.  So, with the help of my sponsor, I wrote a letter to this person, who is now deceased.  I acknowledged the hurt, and I also recognized all the good and blessings that person gave me.  I asked God to remove my selfishness and my hanging onto thoughts that may not have been true. With this intentional act, came freedom.  I am free of it!
 
I also had to be clear about what character defects I’m giving up. That makes more sense to me more than just saying, “take it away, God.”
 
So, what do I know?  That my program is about surrender, action, and reliance upon my HP, who does for me what I cannot do for myself!  It does take work, but I am worth the effort.  My life is filled with peace by following these Steps. I know that I can live without confusion, resentment and fear if I keep connected to the source of my strength.
 
I am sure of it!
 
Nadine – Region 1

In one of my meetings there is a woman who has been abstinent for over forty years. She often shares that “It is my job today to practice the Spiritual Principles of the OA program.”  
 
Step One – the Spiritual Principle is Honesty.  One of the definitions of honesty is "adherence to the facts" or "sincerity."    This seems like the perfect spiritual principle for Step One to me.   To truly understand that I am powerless over food and my life is unmanageable, I needed to be honest with myself about my life. 

To be honest, I do not think I really believed Step One when I arrived in OA.  I came to OA after being in another 12 Step program for almost a year.  I could understand and believe Step Two – Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.   I had seen that step work for members of the other program.  So, when someone there mentioned OA to me in reference to my overeating, I was immediately interested in finding out more about the OA program. 
 
But I do not really think I took Step One for several years after I started coming to OA meetings.  I certainly did not get abstinent consistently until I had been in OA for about eight years. 

The bottom came after I had been living up near Mt. Hood, outside of Portland, Oregon, for about a year.  During the summer while I worked at a camp for handicapped children, I had been wonderfully abstinent.  It felt easy to be abstinent – I just ate the three meals per day they served in the dining hall, no sugar and no wheat and NO snacking. 

​Then, at the mid-summer OA retreat, I realized I really needed to be close to the OA program and to OA people to stay abstinent during the rest of the year.  I could NOT do this by myself; I was powerless over the food.  I decided I needed to move back to Portland, where there were more meetings and more OA people around me.  I could not do my life by myself.  I had to be honest with myself and with other people.  That is when my first abstinence started. 
 
Margie - Region 1