​“I think I’m doing pretty darn good in this OA program.  I don’t think about food very much anymore.  I go to meetings and try to be of service.  My clothes are fitting quite nicely, thank you very much.  I think I’m going to take a break from all this OA busyness.  Thank you OA, but I’ve got it from here.”
 
Oh, aren’t those words I’ve thought about saying more than once?  When can I stop doing this?  It takes so much time and effort and don’t you know that I really am starting to like myself now?  I’ve got all the information I need to set me on the right path.  Off I go….
 
Wow! For me, that type of thinking is indicative of the lies I tell myself.
 
What I know to be true is that the night I believed the lies that “I’m ok now, I’m at a normal body weight so it won’t matter and I just want it!” was the night my food addiction came waltzing right back in.  Waltzing like a gorilla, that is.  It picked me up and threw me down, and you know what they say, “When you’re dancing with a gorilla, you’re not done until the gorilla says you’re done.”
 
Yes this program takes time, but the results give me a life of peace. Peace with myself, peace with my Higher Power and peace with those around me.  It is true what they say that we never graduate from this Twelve Step program.  It is a design for living that works and as long as I’m living, I want to follow this design!
 
The Big Book of AA says:  “We are not cured of alcoholism.  What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 85)
 
Today, I know, that I know, that I know, I am an addict.  I will always need this Twelve Step program to guide me.  There is no leaving it behind because I’m tired of doing it. Well, there is, but the gorilla is waiting and I truly don’t want to dance anymore!
 
Gratefully done dancing,
 
Nadine D. – Region One

In the back of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition) on page 563 is “The Long Form” of the Twelve Traditions.  This is how the Traditions first appeared in 1946.

The long form of the Twelfth Tradition starts on page 565:

“12.—And finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the principle of anonymity has an immense spiritual significance.  It reminds us that we are to place principles before personalities; that we are actually to practice a genuine humility.  This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.”

I really love this reading; it helps me remember that there is something bigger than me. Bigger than the conflict between me and that other person who wants us to do it her way instead of my way—the right way.  It makes me want to act like a saner and more giving person. 

Often in OA we get stuck on the idea that anonymity is about not using our names with public media.  That is one of the meanings of anonymity, but it is not the only meaning.

One of the synonyms of anonymity is “namelessness.”  That is why we do not put the names of speakers on OA event flyers or schedules.  The emphasis is on the topic rather than the person.  We do not put names of authors on OA literature either.  We say, “my sponsor told me….” rather than “Jean told me…”  When I say my sponsor says to read xxx; I might as well say the OA program says to read xxx.  That way I honor the process and the program, not one specific person.

I love doing service at a “high” level, but I try to stay humble about it because I have seen people get very wrapped up in being the person in charge or who is at the top.  In OA we only hold positions a short time and then we rotate on to other positions and allow someone else to fill the “top spot.”  Sometimes I have seen people gain weight after being in a top-level position.  I know that I have certain strengths, but I also have weaknesses and so do other people. I do not want to lose my abstinence after being in a high position.  I know that my recovery is worth far more to me than any OA service position. This “Long Form of the Twelfth Tradition” helps me stay right-sized.

Margie G. – Region One
  
 
PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE LAST NAMES IN BLOG POST COMMENTS

I was able to attend the OA Birthday Party this weekend and thought I'd share about two sessions which were particularly meaningful to me.
 
Pitfalls that Lead to Relapse
The speaker shared a list of 17 items she had identified that can lead to relapse (as found in OA/AA literature).  One of those pitfalls is not taking daily quiet time (Step 11), and I realized that my head says I'm too busy to take this time on a daily basis.  Oops!  I needed the reminder that I do better when I make Step 11 a daily practice.  That time with my HP means that I am more likely to surrender and turn to that source of power when I want to crumble or resist a big wave of emotion, new situation, fear, etc.  
 
Sober Eating
Speakers in this Sunday morning session shared about "sober eating" leading to true freedom from food obsession. Lately food has been a struggle for me.  Maybe it's time to look at the foods and behaviors that I play cat-and-mouse with, still wanting them to to "work" for me (Steps 1, 2 and 3).  As one of the speakers worked with a volunteer to write a "contract" around food choices and behaviors, I wrote one for myself.  I will share my "contract" with another compulsive overeater today and ask my HP to help me stick with that contract.  I do want that feeling of freedom from compulsive overeating.  I've always believed that the freedom from food comes from a life transformed through the Steps but am realizing that for me right now it's also adhering to a food plan and maintaining a strong abstinence when that spiritual condition sustains some cracks.  In the end, my job is to surrender and it's my HP's job to change my food and my life!
 
​
For those who missed the OA Birthday Party, I am sure that the recordings will be available soon.  Region One continues to add recordings from our November convention.  You'll find some wonderful speakers at https://www.oaregion1.org/audio--speakers.html.
 
Cindy C. - Region One 



PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE LAST NAMES IN BLOG POST COMMENTS 

I tried to mend my broken heart by surrounding myself with stuff.
 
I tried to heal my childhood trauma by ignoring it and showing the world how unaffected I was. 
 
Look at my beautiful clothes, my impressive degree, my handsome husband, my beloved children.
 
I tried to follow the saying "Living well is the best revenge."
 
What I've learned is that revenge traps the anger in your heart and sucks the life from your soul. And it turned out that my version of living well was killing me from the inside out.
 
My drug of choice was food. I used it to punish myself for my mistakes. For not being able to meet my unrealistic expectations. And I also used it to keep the pain at bay. My behaviors around food—however destructive they appeared to the outside world—are what got me through each minute of every day. The world was a big and scary place that I desperately wanted to be a part of. I would do anything to appear like I had it all together so I could convince myself that I was ok.
 
The fact that my drug of choice was food is not really important. In different circumstances, it could have easily been cocaine or alcohol. For whatever reason, those never gave me the relief that purging or starving did. What matters is that I felt a deep sense of shame that could only be quieted by fully participating in my disease. (Before I got abstinent, I purged everything I ate and exercised 3-4 hours a day. The only way I knew to not purge was to not eat at all. Stimulants were my friends.)
 
Today, I am in the process of clearing out the wreckage of my past. That includes all of the stuff. I try to let go of the pain this stuff has caused my household. My inability to let go of toys as my kids outgrew them has created a mountain of memories and clutter. As I hold each item, I let the feelings rise and honor the tears of opportunities lost. I also let the joy rise as I remember the laughter of children at play.
 
I wanted the garage cleared out by the new year. Today is December 1st. I made progress over the summer, but have not made much effort since. I turned my focus to the basement, thinking I needed a break. Progress shows there as well, and more still needs to be done.
 
As I continue the work, I marvel at my willingness to face my stuff. All of my stuff. Not just the material clutter that keeps my family from enjoying the spaces in our home. I am also facing the stuff that lingers inside my heart. The heartbreak and grief that holds me back and keeps me stuck.
 
I hold each item, each thought, each idea, each belief that no longer serves me. I thank it for getting me through and I let it go.
 
The Twelve Steps contain all of the solutions I need to live an abstinent life. A life beyond misery. A life beyond my wildest dreams.
 
Alice W. – Region One



PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE LAST NAMES IN BLOG POST COMMENTS

At a recent workshop, I was reminded that the world is full of different body shapes and sizes, and that in our fellowship, abstinence is as varied as the ways we each act out our compulsive food behaviors. What keeps me sane can be the downfall of another. The fact that we can each define our own abstinence is one of the miracles of the program. Since we all act out our addiction in different ways, what works to free us from our compulsion will also look a little different for each of us.
 
Many of us would agree that what one person defines as "sober" eating can send another into relapse. So why do we not share the same sentiment when it comes to body size? Why do we judge those as "not abstinent" when their size does not match our personal vision of physical recovery?
 
As an anorexic/bulimic and over exerciser, I was brutal to my body, trying to get it to stay at a size that I had decided was "right-sized." In recovery, I found that I had a very hard time letting go of what physical recovery looked like for me. What program has taught me, through working the Twelve Steps, is that this is a program of action. I do the footwork and leave the results to my Higher Power. And that includes my physical recovery. My abstinence is sober eating, which to me means putting food in its proper place. I feed my body the nutrition it needs to be healthy so I can do HP's will for me as I walk through my day. Sober eating also means that I do not use food or compulsive food behaviors to avoid my emotions or escape from life. I live life on life's terms. And I leave the results to HP. I trust my Higher Power to take care of the size of my body - the one that I was born with. Not the one I tortured myself to try to obtain. Freedom from the obsession includes letting go of my vision of what a right-sized, abstinent body looks like. The size of my clothes or the number on the scale does not matter. If I am eating a sober meal plan, then I am abstinent.
 
When I came into program, one of my core beliefs was that the size of my body determined my value to the world. What program has taught me through my step work is that the size of my body does not reflect my worth to this world, and neither does it define the depth of my recovery. My value to the world is based on HP's will for me: to be of service to others. Program promises me freedom from food obsession, and a life of usefulness. It does not promise to make me a certain size or shape.
 
Love and tolerance is our code. (I prefer love and acceptance, myself.) Love and acceptance includes our own bodies, as well as those of our fellows, regardless of shape or size.
 
Alice W. – Region 1 

In one of my meetings there is a woman who has been abstinent for over forty years. She often shares that “It is my job today to practice the Spiritual Principles of the OA program.”  
 
Step One – the Spiritual Principle is Honesty.  One of the definitions of honesty is "adherence to the facts" or "sincerity."    This seems like the perfect spiritual principle for Step One to me.   To truly understand that I am powerless over food and my life is unmanageable, I needed to be honest with myself about my life. 

To be honest, I do not think I really believed Step One when I arrived in OA.  I came to OA after being in another 12 Step program for almost a year.  I could understand and believe Step Two – Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.   I had seen that step work for members of the other program.  So, when someone there mentioned OA to me in reference to my overeating, I was immediately interested in finding out more about the OA program. 
 
But I do not really think I took Step One for several years after I started coming to OA meetings.  I certainly did not get abstinent consistently until I had been in OA for about eight years. 

The bottom came after I had been living up near Mt. Hood, outside of Portland, Oregon, for about a year.  During the summer while I worked at a camp for handicapped children, I had been wonderfully abstinent.  It felt easy to be abstinent – I just ate the three meals per day they served in the dining hall, no sugar and no wheat and NO snacking. 

​Then, at the mid-summer OA retreat, I realized I really needed to be close to the OA program and to OA people to stay abstinent during the rest of the year.  I could NOT do this by myself; I was powerless over the food.  I decided I needed to move back to Portland, where there were more meetings and more OA people around me.  I could not do my life by myself.  I had to be honest with myself and with other people.  That is when my first abstinence started. 
 
Margie - Region 1